Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 11-06-2019, 06:41 AM   #1
SerenitysPoison
 
SerenitysPoison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
I am currently:
Drowningwithoutcare to this day.

I started on this site over a decade ago when I was 15. My original username was drowningwithoutcare. I'm 27 now and I think I've attempted to come back multiple times, but have never really been successful. I'm finding that the older I get, the harder time I have connecting with other people. So, I'm going to get a whole bunch out, at least I know it can't make anything worse.

I have huge attachment issues which impacts my ability to connect to others. That's why I'm always so much better and talking to others about their problems, but never really open up about mine. I've lost track of the number of times I've made a post on here and then deleted it because it felt to vulnerable. Vulnerability is not a strength of mine.

I've always felt alone, and I truly am reaping what I have sown. I'm 27, and I have a wonderful husband and friends but wish every day that I could opt out of life. I'm not particularly close to any of my individual friends. I finally made the decision to not have kids because I"m so damn jaded that I didn't want to bring another lifo into being when I wish I had never been born. It's also comical because I work with children, specifically children who have been exposed to trauma, and the thing is that I am really damn good at my job. I believe in them, truly, and I love them all with all my heart. Maybe I just went to long before someone interceded for me. In all honesty, I don't think anyone ever has. If I am not the one reaching out for relationship, no one will. So maybe it's time to stop reaching.

I don't really know what the point is anymore. I think I'm losing my faith, my religion, and my will. I buckled down and got through life because there was always a next step. Graduate high school, graduate college, get married, get my masters, get a career. Now what? I'm here and life is still just a spiral. I'm terrified of dying, terrified of my waning faith and what that could possibly mean upon dying. If I could just go to sleep and not wake up ever, that would be the dream. I don't self harm anymore, and I don't drink anymore. Really I just sleep now. If I'm not working I"m sleeping. I don't know that it's a healthier coping mechanism, but the only reprieve I get is when I'm sleeping.

So here's to sleep. The only release I'll ever get.

So, all that rambling to say if anyone would like to connect, please feel free to message me. Although I am fully aware of how completely desperate this post probably sounds.

SerenitysPoison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-06-2019, 09:02 AM   #2
Pi.R^2
I always have a choice
 
Pi.R^2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: sitting this one out in the safety cupboard
I am currently:

Hey,
Welcome back. I'm sorry that you've worked so hard to achieve the things that are traditionally associated with happiness but don't feel like you've actually got that.

What sort of professional help have you accessed in the past? Life really does get better than what you have described and I hope that with the right medication and/or therapy you will reach a point where you feel happy or at least content with life.



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


Pi.R^2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2019, 04:39 PM   #3
Koala hugs
 
Join Date: Aug 2019

Hey welcome back. I've recently come back myself. Hope this place helps you

Koala hugs is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:01 PM.

Back to top