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Old 21-03-2019, 06:12 PM   #1
blondehairblueeyes
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
urge to buy new tools *triggering

I have started cutting again as a way to cope with my hurt since the people i mgiht normally lean on are going through a lot and have been hurt by me, so i dont feel like i can lean on them as I'm kind of still in the doghouse i guess? I feel like im just dealing with all my feelings on my own and don't feel safe talking about how i really feel with my friends. I feel like the only options for me to deal are journaling, which only sometimes helps, eating to comfort myself, watching tv all day and skipping responsibilties, or cutting. or all of those things. i've felt very suicidal recently as well and while i would never act on those thoughts they are still very intrusive and i want the people close to me to know but don't know how to share it without hurting them or burdening them while they themselves are going through things. As for cutting I've had the types of urges that make me want to go out and buy new tools to make it easier i guess, and i know that if i do that it will make a note in my mind that it's going to be a habit and that it's ok to do. even though i know this the urges are still really strong and i don't really know how to handle anything I'm feeling

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Old 21-03-2019, 07:58 PM   #2
Stellata
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: London area

It sounds like you have a lot going on, and self harm is one of your default coping mechanisms. Intrusive thoughts are tough, and sometimes professional help is needed.
You say that journalling helps sometimes. What are the times when you feel it does help? And the times when it doesn't?

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Old 26-03-2019, 09:03 PM   #3
blondehairblueeyes
 
Join Date: Feb 2019

journaling helps if i just have a lot on my mind and want to write my feelings out to get some clarity, but if im just really depressed and miserable it doesn't really do anything

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Old 26-03-2019, 09:04 PM   #4
blondehairblueeyes
 
Join Date: Feb 2019

it all kind of stems from **** going on right now in my life like being alone in a foreign country for six months and also the fact that my long term relationship is really on the rocks and tbh could end at any moment and thats all been really tough on me and i just don't even know what to do

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Old 26-03-2019, 10:03 PM   #5
Stellata
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: London area

Do you have access to any support while you're there?

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