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Old 13-04-2019, 09:20 PM   #21
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Join Date: Feb 2008

I’m not sure. My mood has dropped which probably hasn’t helped. I don’t want to be alive so why bother eating?

My pros and cons list wouldn’t be very long. Pro: I’d feel better about myself. Con: It would upset people who care about me.

But then why should I have to change myself to make other people happy?

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Old 13-04-2019, 09:20 PM   #22
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Also I was weighed today and I’m right on the cusp of being underweight again. I don’t look or feel it.

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Old 15-04-2019, 06:26 PM   #23
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Yeah, when your mood is that low it's going to be tricky to feel motivated about eating disorder recovery! What treatment are they offering with regards to your mood?

If the only reason to recover is not upset other people, it's understandable to feel annoyed at the idea of recovery for someone else's benefit. Maybe your partner could help you work on a slightly more extensive list. I hope that with help you'd be able to find some reasons that are for you as well. I've put my list below, maybe some will give you something to think about. ETA: turns out I did my list the opposite way round, so these are pros of recovery!
- better skin
- better hair
- more energy
- to enjoy food again
- better social life (not avoiding food-based things)
- to not be a hypocrite when advising other people
- not feeling crap, physically and mentally
- to be free



We値l find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 15-04-2019, 08:54 PM   #24
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Thanks Jenna. They’ve just increased my antidepressant at the moment but that could take a few weeks and I’m just feeling worse as the days go on. I don’t care if I live or die so why should I care if I eat?

They do some scale thing with my bmi and it’s gone from green to yellow and is close to red apparently. I’m not sure of the ins and outs of it but it means they’re getting the ED practitioner that I don’t like in on the case so god knows what will happen now.

My hair is actually in pretty good shape other than needing a wash but my skin is very dry at the moment. I find it hard to care. Physically I seem okay still at the moment too and I don’t have much of a social life stuck in hospital! I’ll try and come up with some things though.

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Old 17-04-2019, 12:20 PM   #25
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I hope that the increased anti-depressant helps, but I know that could take a little while to kick in.

It's not great advice, but maybe a motivation for eating could be to keep the ED practitioner off your case!!

Yeah, some of them are more long-term reasons I guess. I'm glad you're going to try and come up with some things.

Hang on in there, things can and will get better and when they do, you'll need a functioning healthy body in order to enjoy it!



We値l find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 22-04-2019, 03:29 PM   #26
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I’m trying to follow my meal plan and have done okay so far. Lost a little weight on Saturday though not enough to be of any concern I don’t think. I then binged all of Saturday and ate a lot yesterday. Though yesterday was within the normal limits of a daily intake I still feel bad about it. Trying to avoid restricting to make up for it but it’s hard.

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Old 28-04-2019, 02:26 PM   #27
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Well done for trying to follow the meal plan and I'm glad you're trying to avoid restricting- remember that the best way to avoid binging is to eat regularly!

How are you feeling?



We値l find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 28-04-2019, 02:46 PM   #28
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I always ‘binge’ (I say binge it’s over the whole day and only slightly more than I need to eat for the day) on a Saturday because that’s when I get weighed. I lost enough this week for my bmi to be just in the underweight range and I know everyone will be cross at me about it despite my eating everything on the meal plan and not doing any exercise. Idk. I still can’t bring myself to eat the hospital food in case of contamination so idk.

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Old 02-05-2019, 10:26 PM   #29
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Do you want to talk about this contamination that you're worried about? Would a member of trying the food first or something help to alleviate those concerns?



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Old 04-05-2019, 09:23 PM   #30
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I have evil in me and there’s a chemical that the aliens are putting in the food that will interact with the evil and turn me into a nuclear weapon that can end the world. The food is safe for other people to eat.

I lost weight again this week. Not much but enough. I was looking in the mirror at home yesterday after I’d had a shower and I think I can see that I’m looking a little on the thin side. I’m not sure how I feel about it.

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Old 12-05-2019, 01:17 PM   #31
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Have you told your doctors about your thoughts about evil and aliens? It sounds like something that they might be able to help with.

You mentioned being at home, have you been discharged?



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Old 12-05-2019, 05:11 PM   #32
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Yes my dr knows about the evil and the aliens and everything like that. He says I’m having a psychotic episode and is trying to treat it.

I wasn’t discharged, no, I’m allowed leave as long as I’m accompanied. I don’t feel safe showering here so I do it at home.

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Old 26-05-2019, 09:34 PM   #33
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Sorry it's been a while. How are you getting on? I hope the treatment for the psychotic episode has been helpful.



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Old 28-05-2019, 09:48 PM   #34
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It has. I feel a lot better now. I’ve been eating loads. It’s embarrassing. I’ve gained weight and feel disgusting.

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Old 02-06-2019, 06:16 PM   #35
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I'm glad you're feeling a lot better, that's brilliant to hear :)

By the sounds of things you did need to gain some weight though?



We値l find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 02-06-2019, 09:54 PM   #36
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Thanks! I had a night at home last night and it was so nice.

I did need to gain it I suppose. Yes. I maintained this week which I was glad about but my dietician still wants me to gain a little more. I’m happy at this weight though and it’s just about in the healthy range. I ate a lot yesterday but it wasn’t so bad today. I made pizza from scratch which was tasty.

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Old 16-06-2019, 01:12 PM   #37
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Oh yum, homemade pizza is the best!

I'm glad you had a good night at home. I hope things have continued to go well over the past few weeks :)



We値l find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 18-06-2019, 10:09 PM   #38
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Things are going really well. I’ve had a few more nights at home and hopefully tonight is my last night in the hospital. Fingers crossed.

My weight has gone up and up and is scaring me at the moment. I can’t seem to stop eating but I’m going to start meal planning and exercising a little bit so hopefully it will even out. Saw my dietician today and she seemed happy with my progress but is obviously concerned that if I lose control I’ll just go back to restricting so I have to be careful. She’ll be monitoring me monthly and I’ll be weighed weekly here as I’ll be coming in for my team meetings. Just gotta get a grip.

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Old 29-06-2019, 12:58 PM   #39
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I'm so pleased to hear that! Are you back home now?

Meal planning sounds wise, and remember that once you are regularly eating enough your body will tone down the "hooray, the famine is over" routine and you won't want to eat quite so much. I'm glad that there's going to be regular check-ins with professionals to help you keep on track.



We値l find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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