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Old 20-07-2018, 11:16 PM   #1
MunchBox
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Contains abuse - The guilt/Reporting it.

Does anyone else get this? The guilt?
I can't sleep because of it.
They say I was raped but I put myself in that situation so maybe I deserved it? I am a vile person, I've done horrible things, I think it was my comeuppance. But, maybe I got it all wrong, what if it was just rough sex and nothing else.
I'm so confused, I'm so sad.
It happened late last year, surely I'd be over it by now, whatever happened.

I just can't live the guilt. It's ****ing killing me.


Last edited by MunchBox : 03-09-2018 at 10:33 PM.


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Old 21-07-2018, 01:44 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. You really, really don't deserve to. But yeah, I get it and I know that me saying that probably doesn't make any difference! I spent a really, really long time feeling like things that happened were absolutely my fault and I was a completely terrible person. I don't feel like that anymore. These feelings can/do change.

It doesn't matter what situation you put yourself in, there is nothing you could do that would make it okay for what happened to happen. And your feelings about it are always valid. It's okay to feel hurt and sad and whatever else you feel. There's no time limit. And honestly, it hasn't been very long. You don't need to pressure yourself to be 'over it'. I think sometimes that putting pressure on ourselves to 'get over' things ends up being so much more harmful than allowing ourselves to have feelings and heal in our own time.

What happened with counselling, is that going ahead? Sorry, I'm sure I did know!

Here if there's anything I can do or if you just want to talk or whatever <3



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 21-07-2018, 01:56 AM   #3
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Thank you, Hannah <3

I know it's an awful thing to be glad about but I'm glad im not alone. But it's horrible, I cried to my therapist about it, it brought the vile ****ing memories but I cried. I don't cry to people outside of my family. Embarrassed.

Counselling is supposed to be happening in January. When I had my appointment in May they said they'd refer me and of this year so I'll be put on the waiting list for early next year. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't think I'll make it til January.



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Old 22-07-2018, 11:58 AM   #4
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Thank you both. I reply in more detail to your responses tonight.

I was having pain below which triggered me as it reminded me of what happened. Told mum, and she said she doesn't know why I'm crying as it wasn't rape because I went to his flat on my own free will. Which is absolutely true.

It's my birthday party at 4. I don't know if I put on a happy face.



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Old 25-07-2018, 05:45 PM   #5
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I want to report it. What should I do?



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Old 25-07-2018, 08:11 PM   #6
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Sorry, I'm not going to report. I called 101 but they took long answering so I hung up. It's a sign.



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Old 30-07-2018, 11:07 PM   #7
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I'm so so struggling. I tried distractions I really tried.
So I'm drink, thinking about it.

But it's surely okay becuse I've ****ed around and only cried the first the after the event. If I've had sex I'm over it.

Mum said no one would take me seriously because I showered befor3 it happened. But yes, I was fully committed to the sex before it teared me apart.

God what have I done.



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Old 01-08-2018, 05:28 PM   #8
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Sorry but posting a lot.

Therapist said my CPN is considering to get into counselling sooner rather than later. I think this will help.



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Old 20-08-2018, 02:15 AM   #9
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Hey lovely, you never need to apologise for posting <3
I’m glad sooner counselling is being looked into for you. Anyone worth their weight in anything would take you seriously regardless of whether you showered or covered yourself in glitter. Not implicit consent. Also consent can be withdrawn at any time.
Have you heard the cup of tea analogy before?




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Old 21-08-2018, 11:09 AM   #10
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Thank you, Katie <3
I have heard of the tea analogy.
My Dr has given me a load of numbers I can call because i haven't heard from the counselling centre or my cpn because she's had annual leave.
I tried to call one number and left a message on Friday but haven't heard anything back. I give up.



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Old 22-08-2018, 11:32 PM   #11
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Hey, calling one number and leaving a message is a great step and I’m proud of you for trying. But please don’t give up! I’m sorry you haven’t heard back but there could be any number of reasons for that and that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again. How about giving hem another go or one of the other numbers a ring?




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Old 23-08-2018, 05:27 PM   #12
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Thank you.

They did actually call back but I missed it and they left a message but because I was a nervous wreck when calling, I forgot my number so left them another message with the correct one. I was going to leave a message yesterday but got too anxious and was in therapy today so I'll have to leave yet another message tomorrow and hope they call me then instead of Monday. Sorry, does that make sense?



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Old 03-09-2018, 10:34 PM   #13
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I called 101 today and reported it. They're going to call me, just want to know what happens next?



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Old 04-09-2018, 09:39 AM   #14
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You did the right thing. It's a huge step, you're so brave! I hope things will become better for you.

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Old 11-09-2018, 05:08 PM   #15
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Thank you. I'm seeing the officer Friday with my CPN.



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