i know that this is kind of stupid but, sometimes i go onto youtube and watch all of the Self-harm and Depression videos. Because in a way it makes me feel not so alone.
And they all hve these pictures of peoples cuts and stuff and they show most of the like really bad ones. But seeing these people with just so so many cuts makes me feel bad. i dont have THAT many scars and i sort of feel like i shouldn't be asking for help because unless i have that many im just being dramatic.
I know that its not really true but, i cant help feeling it.
Theres not really a question or anything here i just wanted to see if anyone felt the same or how i can stop thinking this maybe?
I try to avoid looking at self harm pictures and videos because I find them quite triggering but I do know what you mean. Anytime I see anyone elses scars or cuts, be that online or in person I instantly feel like mine are nothing in comparison and I am just being stupid, melodramatic and wasting peoples time. Which is silly but I can't help feeling it at times. In a really awful way I feel like my problems are less 'real' than other peoples, just because my scars aren't as bad. So I think I should just be able to get over it. Weird the things are minds do isn't it?
I am not sure how to stop doing/feeling that really. The only thing I can think of is when you look at your own scars and decided your just being dramatic, imagine that those scars are on a friend, not you. You would encourage them to seek help I am sure, so you just have to tell yourself that it's ok for you to ask for help too. Hope it helps that you are not alone in feeling like this anyway.
Last edited by Sian : 11-01-2008 at 10:34 PM.
Reason: re-write so it made more sense
'I can always kill myselftomorrow, today I shall look for reason to live. Of course, tomorrow never comes ... '
I don't have much advice to give, except that it isn't a competition however much it might feel like one. It doesn't matter what size your cut is, the pain was still there that made you turn to self harm.
For me, I've found the "bigger" my cuts have got, the more I've needed. It's like, no matter how "bad" the wound - I always need it to be worse, I'm always searching for something more. I don't think you will ever feel adequate in self harm, not because you aren't, but our minds tend to play tricks on us.
wow. I feel the SAME way and I thought I was alone. I look at that stuff to remind me that it could be worse. But I also do feel bad because I know my SI is not as bad as most. But it's still SI I guess..I don't know. I should just shut up because you guys have said everything I feel too.
I feel the exact same way....I always get the feeling that Im making too big a deal out of it...so I dont talk about it...my friends have tried to make me realise that any SI is a reason for concern....regardless of severity...
PM me if you ever need to talk....xxxx
This little lady is my life. She keeps me strong through everything <3
♫ I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head ♫
I feel very much the same--actually wrote something about it earlier. I feel like I don't deserve this place on RYL because so many people have it so much worse--not just in how bad their injuries are but in their situations/lives in general. I feel guilty because I am a blessed, lucky person--so why do I SH? I wonder what the hell my problem is. I have so many friends who have been through so much and they didn't crack--no SH or drugs or alcohol or any negative "cures". Then there's me. My life isn't perfect, but it's not miserable either. And yet I can't get away from my SH and the feelings of despair and worthlessness that cause it.
thank you for your replies.
it's sort of nice to know that i'm not the only one who feels this way. i just wish i had a cure for us all. It's a horrible feeling.
And it does my head in sometimes when i start to think, well maybe i should start cutting deeper and need stiches or hit something...it's dumb i know but. i can't help it
i used to do this alot, i triggerd really bad when i do. never feel like you are in a kind of competition and you need deeper cuts to prove you hurt because no matter the size of your cuts the fact you do it proves you hurt
...Sticks and stones may break my bones; but words, they scar forever...
I was a deep cutter once. And no way in hell would i wish that upon anyone.
The deeper the cut-the more problems you'll encounter. I cut so deep i was close to losing limbs more than once. Not due to one wound of course but due to the fact that i did cut quite deep and i would make many cuts a day.
It's a nightmare, really. The first few trips to the ER to get stitches or steri strips are ok. And some of the doctors are nice. But after a while they get sick of you. They start scolding you when you come in. They don't freeze you up properly when they stitch. Or they are so busy they don't get to stitch before the anesthetics has worn off.
Then come the countless questions: Was it a suicide attempt???? Are you psychotic???? Do you recieve help for your problems???? and so on...
And then they patch you up but i can assure you, ladies and gentlemen, that if you keep coming back for wound treatment it is only a matter of time before you are shipped off to the nearest mental hospital or psych ward.
I've had doctors stitch me without aneasthetics. I have had doctors refusing to pathc me up because i was being "stupid". I have been called every ugly name in the book when i have sought treatment for deep cuts.
And let me tell you; sooner or later you WILL lose control of your cutting. Took me a few years but i lost it in the end and i KNOW if i ever cut deep again, i will die. And you will reach that point too. Where someone will come and find you bleeding all over the place, shaking and in hysterics because the cut got so much deeper than you intended. It happened to me, it WILL happen to you too if you decide to go down that road.
It's NOT cool to cut deep and deep cutters are not better cutters. And just because you cut deep doesn't mean you're in more trouble than someone who doesnt. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. It's bad enough already that you guys DO cut.
Not everyone who has been a deep cutter lives to tell of it. But i lived and i will PLEAD with you all, DON'T go down that nasty road. The price is too high compared to what it accomplishes.
Zurg, your post just terrified me! I don't want to get to that point...
But I feel so much better after reading this forum. truthfully, I'm not much of a cutter. I don't even do it everyday and I've never need stitches or anything like that. When I talk or read about other cutters, I feel like I'm inadequate, like I should do it more often just to qualify as actually having a problem or stop being so overdramatic about it.
Even though it's kinda depressing, it's also sort of good to know that other people compare themselves and feel like they should cut more or stop complaining when they see the more intense cutters. I thought I was crazy!
Hi, I do the same thing. I either watch the SI-videos from youtube or search for SI pics from google. It feels so sick. I don't know why i do it. I thought I was the only one doing it. Just watched some serious SI-videos from youtube. I want to cut SO bad. Watching those videos helps me not to cut. The blood, the scars, everything. But sometimes they trigger me to do the same thing to me...
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Telottajalle, joka samantien mestasi
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Wow, I really thought I was the only one who somtimes feels bad about the amount of cuts/scars how deep ect
It seems really stupid. but yeah I feel the same as you, just feel kinda guilty and sorta like I'm not really a *proper* self harmer you know?
I just don't feel like I deserve to complain about it, and this just also serves to reinforce the idea in my head that whats going on with me 'isn't so bad' so why don't I just make a few more cuts? Whats the difference?
But thats really stupid I know, I just somtimes feel that way