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Old 07-01-2008, 06:45 AM   #1
Kae
and with these hands I'll draw for you my heart..
 
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Triggering (SI) - Does this seem reasonable?

I've got a friend, known him for 7 or 8 years now and I love him dearly, he's been a bit of a light to me when things get dark and I've just this whole complex series of emotions for him. He doesn't care about me in any way other than in a strictly friendly sense, but I've still shared a lot of private things with him because I care about him so much and find it so easy to trust him, and some times this works out great but so much of the time it just leads to pain and disappointment. At some point recently he really hurt me when he asked me to never talk about si to him ever because it freaked him out which I just felt was really cold and callous, especially in the context in which it occured, and though eventually we worked through that, with him giving me a little note to look at in those tough periods, part of me can't forget the ways he's hurt me.

But I'm getting sidetracked ;p. Basically over the two week vacation we had I saw him once, missed him a lot, but at the end of it I'd realized how much I'd gone through over the break - arguments upon arguments with my parents, fighting the urge to si, trying to fix myself - and I realized how, though I missed him, that was a pain that I could deal with, and it gave me a chance to deal with my personal problems; it gave me a chance to think more clearly. So I want to ask him if we can give each other some space for a while. I want to not have to rely on him, because I've discovered my personal strength.

Basically, in my head it goes like this - if I want to be better, I can't have the person who makes my life a rollercoaster around, so for now I just want some space.

There's a part of me that thinks I'm insane because just a little while ago he was the only reason I wanted to stop, but stopping for other people doesn't always work.. I want him there, he's my weakness, but I think I'd be stronger if we could put some distance between us for a while.

Does this seem reasonable? Or am I just being crazy and rambly haha



--
<3 Kae

never let it stop you. never let them tell you you can't do it, because every moment you fight you're winning a battle. never let the set backs stop you. when you're hurt, when you're tired? keep going. don't give up.



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Old 07-01-2008, 07:07 AM   #2
smileemptysoul
 
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Yes you do need to quit for yourself. I dont think its something you need to do alone, but if you think some space apart from him for a while will help, then by all means do that. You are right, if he makes your life feel like a rollercoaster then some space apart might be good, which is completly reasonable to ask for. Its good to have a support system when you are trying to quit so make sure theres someone you could go to, or come on ryl when you need that support.

Take care

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Old 07-01-2008, 12:14 PM   #3
Kae
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I've still got 4 or 5 friends other than him that I can turn to and that are a lot.. better for me.



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<3 Kae

never let it stop you. never let them tell you you can't do it, because every moment you fight you're winning a battle. never let the set backs stop you. when you're hurt, when you're tired? keep going. don't give up.



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Old 07-01-2008, 01:34 PM   #4
Ginger Snap
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Hello

I don't usually post in here anymore, but i popped over for a bit.
Just wanted to tell you how strong you are! And i think you're right.
You are not being unreasonable lovey, i think it's fantastic that you have discovered personal strength! Well done :)
I hope he understands.

Laura xxx



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Old 09-01-2008, 02:55 AM   #5
Kae
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Just a little follow-up -- he understands and he's being great, especially considering that its an awkward position to be put in, having to give someone you see so frequently space, but he's strong enough to keep it going and I think it's really going to help =) And I know that if I ever need him he's still always around, so there's nothing to lose.



--
<3 Kae

never let it stop you. never let them tell you you can't do it, because every moment you fight you're winning a battle. never let the set backs stop you. when you're hurt, when you're tired? keep going. don't give up.



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Old 09-01-2008, 11:50 PM   #6
Douglass
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he helped you to your feet, but he can't keep holding you up. You one say have to learn to stand for yourself.
x



Let me be the one you call
If you jump i'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
YOU'RE NOT ALONE


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Old 11-01-2008, 07:32 PM   #7
xcatalystx
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you aren't crazy at all!!! You logic makes perfect sense. It's not like you totally broke off your friendship, you just put it on hold. Someone once told me you can't truly love others till you can truly love yourself. I thought they were stupid. But it makes sense. If you can't be ok by yourself, how can you be ok with others? Everyone needs to have some space sometimes.

i went through the same thing with my friend, but he was also my bf. So i broke up with him as a final attempt to try to get myself better, and it worked. and now we're back together. :)

Stay strong
~cat



catalyst: person or thing that precipitates change

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again


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