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Old 04-08-2018, 09:43 PM   #53181
rhi
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
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Hey :) I was a member here a loooong while ago (apparently I last posted in 2009) It took a little while and a bit of searching to remember my username (thank you introductions threads) but now I can log in as me again and say hello.



Thank you for letting me stay here
Thank you for taking me in

-Gratitude, Ani DiFranco

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Old 06-08-2018, 05:05 PM   #53182
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rhi View Post
Hey :) I was a member here a loooong while ago (apparently I last posted in 2009) It took a little while and a bit of searching to remember my username (thank you introductions threads) but now I can log in as me again and say hello.

Hey!!!







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Old 08-08-2018, 08:48 PM   #53183
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I am finding it hard to grasp why o feel so glad and relieved that I am not turning up to any groups activities and not turning up to anything I feel great. Indoors girl .
Yet when I do go I feel awful, mentally it feels like too much despite it fantastic at concert venues of big crowds that I cope with. I can cope with talking to people face to face about a product service my bank for instance. Yet in social situations like meeting group in the library who I have seen a thousand times in the community is impossible at times and I can go to a college and I am going to lecturers seminars that kinda thing but when it comes to social interactions in more laid back or natter itís impossible.
I donít understand why I even struggle in chat rooms even though I have used since I was 13-14yewts old or in kik groups.
I just donít understand why I feel so ***** about it
But I am finding that with meds I am on for the fibromyalgia that itís helping the physical side anxiety now.
I am not scared of the symptoms or having a panic attack
Itís the groups settings that scare the living shits out me.



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 01-09-2018, 02:08 PM   #53184
Kathryn_Anna
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Since I can't nap in real life right now I think I'll find a safe corner in here and curl up and nap. I'm over it all. Done. Exhausted.



Sometimes when I say "I'm okay," I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say "I know you're not."

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Old 01-10-2018, 02:28 PM   #53185
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i've been living inside a labyrinth since i was 11. well actually since i was 5. it got dark it got bright but sometimes there was a gust of wind. other times there was water coming down over the edges.i'm just been rotting. have had friends that were neaver really friends aka people that appear and dissapear. lately an old friend of mine have returned and i've been chatting recently with that, but not alot. on the other side of the thick mossy wet dark wall of the side of the labyrinth i'm currently at... i've been starting to talk to a shrink, she's a lady kinda nice. nods and shakes to whatever i must say seems very pertinent to me like i get the feeling she wants to listen. but in that moment of epipanhy alone, i just feel that my heart gets heavier since i've talked to her. i have someone that i've been talking to here where i live since 25th october 2016 cause of things that happened then. i've been talking non stop often every day for 2 or 3 hours until we are cold or can't almost stand up anymore. it has helped and i think it still helps. i've been so back and forwards keep staring in the mirror for periods of time just because i got none...
i have something called incorporated memory loss. and i want to ask you if anyone in here have heard of something like this or is experiencing it. it's a bitch from behind the moon living with it. i can talk to someone as i said for 2 or 3 hours at a time and all i really want is a distraction that wakes me up to that makes me start my life like me and not behind something that feels like a black box that lives inside my head registering everything i say then 10 minutes later makes me forget it because of trauma i had in my childhood since i i was 5 and no one to talk to about.(feel free to ask questions, i dont mind) and also i feel exhausted of just starting this thing with the people here i live to start taking walks to get distracted for when the impulse stuff happens... (grabs a marshmallow from the freezer)

my grandfather is basically the only person who has helped me cause without him i dont think i could have moved on the way i did with what happened in my childhood. he has since passed away from cancer and again i was left alone. it always seems that something wants me to be left alone and that's what i'm getting help for now. atleast from my perspective. i'm maybe going to be comitted soon to get help for various things. and i've been bumped up in sessions with the shrink lady for the trauma thing to once a week. it's a stupid start...........

when after the thing trauma started and what was done was done my grand father took me to see a hypno therapist that helped me get back my focus. and slowly i've realised i'm just all over the place like a puzzle with atleast a million pieces and the only thing i can think of that makes me not lose my mind is getting my life back together. kinda looking for hope in a cold world. there are ppl around me that care i'm aware. i only wish there was a fast cure for this realisation of slow fast forward.

first time i talked to the shrink lady it was very ok. i got to say alot of things. but there is yet much much more left untalked. i want her to know i want everything my thoughts think about to be a conversation that i'm me and not some stupid... idk... anyway.. first time i talked to her was ok. but after that when i walked home with the friend person that followed along side me to her. i only complained that it didnt solve anything.. and when i got home all i could think about was that i wanted to talk more and more and eventually be able to wake up somehow. then it started getting dark and mossy again. btw this is over 2 weeks ago. i missed the last session i had cause i felt all too many thoughts at the same time i was supposed to shower and go to bed early but i couldnt. all i did was think... then after awhile being dark and mossy i started forgetting what we talked about like some sort of auto distraction turn my brain wanted to go one way and my heart, feelings, urges some other ways. (grabs water from the fridge)

it's like my life since i was 5 dont have a history. it's very sad and stupidly lonely. i listen to music and play games sometimes to relieve stress for what i dont want.

*refills the freezer with a new pack of marshmallows and water in the fridge*

<3

edit: my panic button dont work anymore....


Last edited by m0nk : 01-10-2018 at 03:26 PM. Reason: i dont got a new panic page to go to...




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Old 08-10-2018, 10:32 AM   #53186
Frail Existence
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Iím an oldie. Used to really be around back in 2012. I still really struggle with mental health but nowadays Iím open and have help. The problem is- I have chronic illness. I have several rare diseases, they leave me pretty much bedridden and Iím on a feeding tube for the most part. All because my parents didnít take care of me when I was younger. Everyone told me ďyouíre fine.Ē If I was fine why am I not fine now.



These kicks take me far away my dear;
Far away from myself
Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven



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Old 18-10-2018, 03:44 PM   #53187
Eir
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Hi newbies/ returnees. Welcome back or just welcome.
I'm still a mess. I actually took a sick day because I couldn't face the idea of work. Can't see a counselor til late November. No psychiatrist till December. My GP is on holidays until the second week of November.
I'm safe because I have no plan and currently still care enough about not hurting my parents, not from lack of intention. How to explain that to the generic GP? Cos I made an appointment with one. This should be good.



...I try to outsmart him, but somehow he knows,
Wherever I am, that f***ing dog goes... - Dog, Andy Bull

No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer, or inflict. - Amenadiel, Lucifer

Why is the path unclear,
When we know hope is near
Understand we'll go hand in hand, but we'll walk alone in fear
~~Margo is my penguin 🐧!!! ~~

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Old 21-10-2018, 10:35 PM   #53188
psychadelicflowergirl
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(possible trigger) i tried to commit suicide a week ago. i can't even do that right. i took a bunch of pills but i guess my tolerance for them is stronger than i thought. just made me sleepy. i can't bear to tell my family this. not that anyone except the mother would care. my husband caught me and i felt so bad. honestly i was hurting the one person that has come into my life and helped me and loved me and it is ripping me apart inside as to why i even tried to do that again. i was serious. i wanted to die. i guess your brain doesn't think of the people you hurt when you're *that* low.

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Old 23-10-2018, 10:59 PM   #53189
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I’m falling apart again .... I feel that I’m going to lose everything in one hit...finding life a real struggle need some cuddles, hugs and encouragement that I ain’t gonna fall apart again. Cos I don’t know if I could handle another breakdown, I know that loosing my uni place would kill me inside.... I have been there a momth... I have settled I know my subjects inside and out. It’s just the accreditation of prior learning from the ou that’s thr tricky bit. I’m wondering. If what I have done for the ou is sufficient, if I am good enough, if I am worth a place, if what I have done matches their requirements... I’m there as a temporary student with visitors pass.... i don’t know if next I could by my last week... or the week after.. I need to know what is is going on



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 29-10-2018, 07:28 PM   #53190
m0nk
 
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trauma therapist in a week. i have to wait more and more wait and the wait again for more wait....

i'm also wondering if i should accept the admission to the ward later. i'm on a watiting list <3


Last edited by m0nk : 29-10-2018 at 07:38 PM.




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Old 13-02-2019, 06:25 PM   #53191
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my "therapist" sucks.





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Old 12-03-2019, 09:50 PM   #53192
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Popping in because I feel like I have no real friends that I can talk to. Which in itself makes me quite sad. I have friends, but they're scattered, we're all busy, you can't just message them when something is bothering you or you need to talk something through. It makes me feel very lonely.

*sits in safety of RYL forum*

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