I don't feel like I'm recovered
Tomorrow will mark 4 years of being SH free. I feel like I should be recovered right now, but it's still hard. I still want to cut myself every single day. It's overwhelming. I miss cutting. I miss the relief. I know that if I started again that I could get away with it without anyone finding out. But then I remember my rock bottom where I freaking cut myself in class without getting caught, and I'm scared that I would return to that point because that was bad. But I'm also scared of not cutting ever again, even though I know that's really stupid. I didn't think this would be so hard after so long. I want to cut so badly and the thought of going through the rest of my life without cutting is scary, but I also don't want to have to start over on Day 0. Everything just feels impossible.