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Old 28-06-2018, 05:10 AM   #1
Koriandr
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Contains abuse - "Ghosting" an abuser...

I started talking to this man I met online...
He seemed awesome, he was so kind and caring. We talked every day on the phone or on Skype for about a year now...

My parents hated him, but they couldn't find a reason as to why. Eventually, I told my friends about him and they all said he sounded suspect and that I should be careful. Eventually, my mom went through my phone (without my permission) and saw my texts with him and learned that we were sexting. She advised me that this made her even more resentful towards him.

Anyway, a few months passed and we were still talking. I am diagnosed with schizophrenia and I stopped taking my medication and I ended up in the hospital for a month. My mom hired someone to do a background search on him and as it turns out, he was convicted with domestic abuse and spent a few days in jail...

I was so wrapped in with this man that I didn't believe it. I said, "Maybe he was doing it in self defense!" or "maybe his wife started it?!" I scared myself, seeing as how I was a victim of sexual abuse, even one really recent that happened while I was restrained in the ambulance.... That I would even think of blaming a VICTIM of abuse just to justify my attachment to him.

I wanted to give him a chance to tell me the truth, so I asked him about it... he said, "Your parents are lying to you." And then he gave me a shitload of personal information about him... I went to see the report for myself and ALL of the information matched. I told him this and he said, "The report is fake, I never hurt anyone!" And I believed him...

It was at this point that my friends begged me to "Ghost" him. They said he was lying to me and manipulating me and that he was exhibiting classic signs of an abuser. I listened and I "ghosted" him for about a month. Then yesterday, I checked my Facebook account and saw that he wrote me several times asking me why I was avoiding him. The truth was, I never logged into my Facebook account even once during that time... but sometimes my mom will log into my Facebook account because she doesn't know how to log out of mine and into her own...

Anyway, I felt bad. I texted him and told him that I didn't think we should continue talking because he lied to me about his criminal record. He told me that it was fake again and that you can't do background checks on people in this state without their consent? I don't believe him. I feel as though he's lying to me again and he said he would run his own background check and give me the report to compare.

I told him multiple times that I don't want to keep contact, regardless of what his report says. He still insists that he never hurt anyone and that my parents / police are lying to me. I don't understand why the police report would have ALL of his information if it was an accident.

I feel bad for "ghosting" him, but I did what I felt was the safest thing for me... I'm still feeling awful about what he did and what I did. I want to go back to talking to him... but I know it would never work.

He used to ask me to send him nudes and I did because I thought that he would like me more. But he never gave me anything in return other than the occasional, "good girl". when I asked him what he does with my pictures, he refused to tell me. I feel like he was just using me to get his rocks off...

I know he's an abuser... But I can't get myself to let him go...

And he's NOT making it any easier by trying to drag me further into his schemes. I feel so guilty and I feel as though I should try to avoid hurting his feelings. But I mean, I don't know what to do.




Come on, skinny love,
Just last the year.


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Old 03-07-2018, 08:48 PM   #2
Pi.R^2
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Sounds like a tricky situation! You have said that you don't want to talk to him and he has to accept that. You don't owe him anything and don't need to feel bad for moving on with your life and not contacting him.

Perhaps you could let the people around you know what's going on so that they can be on hand to keep reminding you that you're making the right choice and that it's OK to continue not speaking to him?

Do you know what it is about your contact with him that is making you want to go back to talking to him? I'm glad you are aware that that wouldn't work!



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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