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Old 23-11-2015, 09:14 PM   #1
mikey
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"no beds"

I tried. I cried for help to a woman I've never met before as my regular CPN is off. I told her my plan. I don't exaggerate. There are 'no beds'. HTT just tell me to 'think positively' or 'have a FUCKING BATH'. If I go to A&E I will be in the waiting room for hours and be fobbed off or stuck in a cubicle as hey! There are apparently no beds and they don't give a fuck. They don't care. They all hate me and want me dead anyway. Now, ironically, I have to prove my point or they will never listen to me again. Didn't need much more motivation but the help is not there.

I need to die. This needs to be over. I no longer care. My life always ends up here and I've had enough. I've flat out had enough. My CPN and psychiatrist are both away. My life has been a mess since I was 4. There is NO HOPE. Oh god help me I don't want to do this to my family but in the long run it will cause them less pain, I'm sure of it. I'm not cut out for life. I've tried and tried and struggled and struggled and enough is enough.

I have bought what I need to fulfil my plan.



There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

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Old 23-11-2015, 09:26 PM   #2
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I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to want help so badly but feel like you can't access it. Can you speak to your family and tell them how much you are struggling? When are your psychiatrist and CPN back? It can be really overwhelming to feel like you're on your own trying to keep yourself safe, but perhaps with the support of other people you can make a plan to keep yourself safe until they return and you can seek further help.

I am sure no one wants you dead, especially your family and the people closest to you.

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Old 23-11-2015, 09:42 PM   #3
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I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much and there aren't any beds but I also want you to remember that It won't cause your family less pain in the long run. Everyday your family will face life without you and it wouldn't get easier on them. So try and hold on to the fact that you don't want to hurt your family.

Would you be able to go to a local crisis house rather than a hospital?

I agree with dreamer about speaking to others. You are not alone in this.



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Step back, breathe and take it in




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Old 23-11-2015, 10:24 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeRises View Post
I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much and there aren't any beds but I also want you to remember that It won't cause your family less pain in the long run. Everyday your family will face life without you and it wouldn't get easier on them. So try and hold on to the fact that you don't want to hurt your family.

Would you be able to go to a local crisis house rather than a hospital?.
Oh, Ange*hugs* I am so sorry things are so tough for you right now. I am not very good with words atm, sorry. Basically everything Hope rises said.
When you lose someone it never gets easier. It makes a hole in your heart that can never be filled or patched up again, and you walk around with it for the rest of your life. I think it was very brave of you to reach out

I know that life is very hard and that it can often feel like you're stuck and there is no hope. But that's not the case, I assure you. All hope is not lost, love.

You're saying you're not cut out for life, but don't want to do this to your family, which to me, sounds like a clear indication that there is a lot of love in your heart, which is in itself a wonderful thing.
You're definitely cut out for life; often, terrible things keep happening and it's very hard to cope with them, but there are good things in life to hold on to. Like love, and family, and friends and pets and laughter and kindness. Hope is born from these things, and while it may be very small, or seem frail(much like in the story of pandora's box), it is something to hold on to, something that will get you through.

Recently, I had a discussion with someone about good/evil and God and life etc. And they said something that really got to me(considering that I used to feel-and still sometimes do- liek I was encompassed by some kind of impenetrable darkness):that light always always prevails. Imagine a dark room with no light source at all, if you turn on a light, even the teeniest one, it will still reach a long way, and once your eyes adjust, you will be able to see even more. Don't know if this makes any sense, but what I'm trying to say here is that light is stronger than darkness and that holding on to the tiniest bit of hope can really really get you through this, and it will eventually get easier.

Can you let someone close to you(your mom, or someone else) know that you're struggling a lot, and can't access support momentarily? Like dreamer says, they may be able to help you make a plan to stay safe xx



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Old 24-11-2015, 04:11 AM   #5
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Hi Ange,

I agree, what about talking to your mum or sister? I know they aren't always the best but maybe they could at least keep a closer eye on you for now?

I was also going to ask if you could get a bed or be referred to a crisis house or something out of your area? You deserve the help and I am sorry they are being so crap.



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 24-11-2015, 07:58 AM   #6
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Hey,

This may be of no help to you right now with your current mindset but I have to try, because I like you and I care.

I'm so sorry you tried and it didn't work. It's possible there are literally no beds and notjing they can do about that at the moment, however, even if that's the case they should have offered some other higher level of support.

I have been refused hospital before just because they said there was no point or something, I know how hard it is to be refused and how much it hurts to feel you've not been taken seriously. At least that's how I felt so I can only guess?

It's a disgrace that you haven't been at least offered some kind of hope, even if not straight away. I can't do anything to change the situation, but I can reassure you that no one wants you dead. Ever. I wish I could do something practicial to help, you are heard here on Ryl, it's clear many people here care for you and rightly so.

I will just hope for you that a bed, or some other form of support comes up for you soon. Please try not to let this bring you down further. Psychiatry is a new thing and underfunded etc. It sucks, so bad, but it does NOT mean there is no one who cares for you, or no other help out there. If it means ringing a helpline, contacting a mental health charity, then do it. There is always someone who wants to help.

You're a person, and a good person at that. Keep posting here, email Samaritans (jo@samaritans.org) anything, whatever you have to do (google mental health charities) because YOU matter, and one day you may be so thankful that you're still here, even if it doesn't feel that way now.

Please...I need to see you on here, I need to know you're still here and fighting. Throw away that stuff you bought. I don't usually tell people to do this or that, but for once I am. You can do this.



A world without Light would be dark.

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Old 26-11-2015, 07:42 PM   #7
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Has anyone heard from Ange? Anyone know if she's okay? :/

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Old 26-11-2015, 07:45 PM   #8
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I was going to post and ask as well.

Thinking of you, Ange. <333



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 27-11-2015, 12:40 AM   #9
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Hey,

Ange asked me to let you all know that she is safe. She is in an out of area acute ward. She had surgery on her leg on wednesday which went smoothly. Ange isnt feeling great and being in a ward out of area doesnt help but she is fighting! Reuben is visiting her tomorrow which she is really looking forward to. Its going to mean so much that you guys care and have asked after her. I've let her know so i hope it puts a smile on her face. Oh and apparently Reuben sends licks and cuddles lol

Rob


Last edited by d.rocky : 27-11-2015 at 12:50 AM. Reason: Added stuff.


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Old 27-11-2015, 01:21 AM   #10
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Hi Rob,

Thanks for letting us know! Please let Ange know that I am sending love to her and Reuben both, and I am so glad she is still hanging in there. <3

Love to you as well.



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 27-11-2015, 01:36 AM   #11
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Thanks for letting us know, Rob. I'm so so glad to know that she is safe.

Send her all the love and hugs + cuddles from my cats. <3

To Ange: So proud of you for staying strong, love. Keep holding on and know I'm thinking of you and we're all here for you. xx

P.S.: Always happy to receive licks and cuddles from Reuben. <3



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Old 27-11-2015, 09:19 PM   #12
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Thanks for the update Rob. I'm proud of you for hanging on Ange, and glad you're safe.

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Old 27-11-2015, 10:48 PM   #13
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Ange, I know we've been chatting but I couldn't just leave this thread without telling you I'm still thinking of you <3







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Old 29-11-2015, 05:54 AM   #14
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Still sending love and good vibes. <3

Ange, I have a cute photo of Lyra to show you when you are able to get to a computer again. :)



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 29-11-2015, 12:11 PM   #15
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Thinking of you. X






i won't ever give up on you xx

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Old 01-12-2015, 01:38 PM   #16
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Hey,

Ange wants you all to know she is so grateful for all the support. She is struggling a lot but your support means a lot and she hopes you are all ok.

Rob



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Old 01-12-2015, 01:41 PM   #17
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Thank you, Rob. :)

Sending all the love her way x

Ange, you can do this love, I believe in you. <3



If I only could
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