I overslept and missed college. I;ve only just managed to convince myself to get up. My brother came home from college earlier, walked into my room even though he knows i sleep with just underwear on and stayed in my room to yell at me. I feel incredibly violated and scared of him.
My brother did the same thing again today, and also told me I should be "locked away". He told em on numerous occasions that I'm faking everything and told me to stop whining, grow up and get a job.
I thought something had happened because he went a very long time without coming online on anything after posting on his tumblr that he'd had a panic attack (he's recently been through online sexual abuse and it's brought back a lot of old feelings for him, too) and i just assumed the worst. He's not doing well at all but he keeps telling me he;s fine because he doesn't want me to worry. I regret letting him know how ill i was a few weeks ago (before everything happened) because now i feel like he feels he can't be open with me. I want to be there for him as much as possible - the only real emotions i seem to be able to feel properly are towards him anyway. But i feel so, so selfish for needing support when he's got valid reasons and then there's just me... i feel like i'm whining about nothing and i can't even remember why i'm so ill most of the time.
Is there anyway that you can have a lock fitted to your door or something? This sounds a very difficult situation to be going through and he shouldn't be coming into your space without first knocking. Thats just common courtesy. He also shouldn't be coming in whilst he knows you are just in your underwear. Would it help to confront the situation or do you think that would just make him do it more? Knowing that he has made you feel violated would it help to wear shorts and a vest for a while? It just might make you feel less exposed if he does come in your room again.
It doesn't sound as though he has understanding of what you are going through at all. I had a lot problems with my brother in the first couple of years of me going through my MH issues and him not understanding and it's very difficult to deal with so I can relate. I don't have a lot of advice on it but all I can do is give you hope as now my brother has matured he is understanding over it and doesn't see me as attention seeking anymore and doesn't make nasty comments and he is also supportive where he can be.
I'm sorry to hear that your friend is going through such a difficult time. Maybe look at things from a different angle, perhaps he doesn't want to talk about the SA because of how traumatic it is for him, and not because he's worried about making you feel worse. SA is very hard to talk about even with the closest of people. Yes he has valid reasons for needing support but you do also. And you are definitely not whining about anything. People struggle sometimes and need support and that is completely okay. It doesn't lessen your worth.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
No way to have a lock - my mother likes to barge into my room randomly also. I'm the only person that bothers knocking in this house - my mother never got my brother and I to knock on each other's doors, but I don't feel comfortable just barging in people's rooms. I guess I could wear a vest, but I'm a transguy and sleeping in anything that covers my chest makes me incredibly dysphoric, so it's going to have to be a choice between which one's more damaging, I guess. Ill try it and see how it makes me feel.
I'm glad that your brother matured, but, because of my relationship with my brother, I doubt he will change his opinions. He's insisted things like this for years, now, and he's just generally horrible to me.
Ah, I should've clarified some of that. I can understand him not wanting to talk about the SA because I've been through it several times myself, but the thing is that even before that, he's never really been as open with me as I guess I'd like him to be. I just really want to be there for him and help him in any way possible and I'm scared that if he shuts me out too much, he'll leave me and never speak to me again.
I ended up drinking last night and I'm about 90% sure I took a small overdose too. I feel so out of it and numb constantly now and I'm just so tired of it.
How are you doing now? Did you get that overdose checked out?
It must be very intrusive having your family strolling into your room without knocking! Have you asked them if they would mind knocking first? I know it's a really small thing, but if you always have your door closed it will firstly remind them that they are entering someone's personal space,and secondly mean that you'll be able to hear them opening it so you at least have a second or two warning of their presence.
With regards to sleeping in anything that covers your chest, are you able to explain why that leads to you feeling dysphoric? I have a suggestion, but don't want to look silly by saying it if I've completely misunderstood the reasons behind your feelings!
Are you able to tell your friend that you know he's not fine so you are worrying anyway? Maybe if he knew that he'd feel able to be a little more open with you and you could discuss with him what level of openness would work well for you both?
I'm not sure how I'm doing right now. I've had a really, really great weekend but I now won't see my best friend for another month and I can't grasp it properly and it's just making me cry. No, I never got it checked out.
I've asked them about knocking, but they tell me they "always forget" because it's "weird to knock," apparently. My door is always closed - it makes me uncomfortable if it's open. Having time to move makes no difference, especially if it's my brother.
I'm a transgender man and I haven't started medically transitioning yet, so I struggle to wear anything that, to me, highlights my chest. Like, t-shirts cling too much and it makes me uncomfortable.
I spoke to him over the weekend and we've discussed everything and I think we're both going to try to be more open. He knew that I knew, and the same in reverse for him, so we've sort of agreed that we're too close to try to hide most things from each other.
I know this is pathetic, but i'm really struggling right now. My best friend left yesterday to go to the other side of the country for the holidays. I miss him so much that it physically hurts. It's such a strong feeling that it feels like i'm being suffocated.
I'm sorry to bring this thread back but I don't know what to do. Everything hurts so much and I can't escape it. I can't hurt myself enough to make it stop but I want to try.
My mother would claim that i'm intentionally shutting her out and hiding things from her. I really wish I could because I'm terrified of my family now and I really need to get out of here.
Sorry to hear you're struggling so much at the moment. It sounds like your living arrangement is contributing somewhat to things being difficult- is getting away for a bit an option? Either staying with a friend for a few nights, or if that's not possible, just getting out of the house for a while every day to get some space and freedom?
With the privacy issue, could you tell your mum that you really value you privacy and if she continues to be unable to remember to knock you will consider putting a chain lock on the door? Hopefully that might give her some motivation to remember!
sorry. i couldn't face trying to reply to this until now. i'm really struggling.
i can't afford to stay anywhere
i've managed to get them to allow me out tomorrow. they all really hate me right now. everyone hates em and i just want to die. my best friend loves someone else more than me and hee's leaving me and he keeps aplogising and won't tell me why and its obvious that it's because he loves this other person more and that i'm a horrible piece of shit and i should suffere for it.
my best friend officially hates me. he's confirmed it, and basically we just spent ages arguing. we're too ill to be discussing everything now, and the pair of us ended up making thins infinitely worse.
