Bulimia I think?

[ghazal231]

Hi Everyone

So I am 14 years old which I know is considered young to have an eating disorder. I honestly don't even know if what I have is considered an eating disorder. I've only ever told one person about it and it's my boyfriend. So this has been going on for about 2 months now. Basically, if I eat something that seems like a big meal to me I instantly regret it and the only thing I can think of doing is throwing up. I used to throw up every two weeks, then once a week, then two times a week, then five times a week then every single day. Then, I tried to stop and I stopped for about a week but I relapsed yesterday. I don't want to go to a doctor or tell my parents about it because in all honesty it's pretty embarrassing. I took an online test to see which eating disorder I have and I got bulimia. Often times, I find myself crying about how messed up I am right after I finish throwing up. It's so frustrating and I just want to get rid of it. I'm constantly dizzy or have a headache. I don't drink enough water as it is so throwing up makes it so much worse. I guess I just want to vent and if anyone has a way to stop throwing up then please share. I just want to be done with this chapter of my life and move on but I don't know just how to do that. Is anyone else who's close to my age experiencing this?

-Ghazal

[not_so_insig]

I am not your age (am in my 30s) but it's against the rules to mention weight loss numbers so can you edit it out?

Online tests aren't accurate btw. I cant tell you what ed you have but been as you are 14 I assume you're in school. Is there a teacher you can confide in assuming you're not comfortable telling your parents? I would suggest a school counsellor but that may not be practical because of coronavirus. Whatever it's important that you seek help asap preferably a gp (whether that be face to face or telephone/video consultation) who can refer you to the most appropriate person. Because of covid most areas are experiencing delays in treatment (and I am not even sure what country you're in) in the UK, I am not sure what it's like for other countries but I imagine it's similar, so the sooner you can get the ball rolling the better. That way you will know for sure if you have an ed and receive the most appropriate help.

[ghazal231]

Oh thanks. I'm not really comfortable going to a doctor and I don't trust any of my teachers at the moment. I'll be fine though I just need to remind myself that I'm in control. The way it happens is as soon as I eat something a small voice in my head starts telling me to throw up. I try to fight it but eventually the voice gets louder and louder and it feels like I have to listen to it. So yeah. Thanks for the advice though I really appreciate it!

[not_so_insig]

Glad you found my response OK. I am sorry I couldn't be more specific as I have no direct experience of bulimia or even purging. Hopefully someone who is closer to your age or has direct experience will have something more relevant to say.

[Elmer]

I am in no place to offer advice, but I am 30, and I wish beyond anything that I had got proper help when I was your age. Seriously, reach out. Teacher, counsellor, doctor. Someone in a position to get you the help. Trust is hard I know but sometimes you need to dredge up all your courage and speak to somebody.

Because it isn't a path you want to continue down. Believe me.

[Auror.]

Urges often tend to come in what is often referred to as waves - so they might get louder and louder, but usually if you can wait them out they do pass after that. It's just the most intense part is of course the hardest and usually when you're likely to react. Can you plan things to do to keep yourself occupied during the times when you know you might experience those thoughts, so that you are less likely to act on them?

I agree if you can talk to someone though, especially given you're experiencing the physical symptoms you are describing, that would be ideal. Purging can be really dangerous and hard on your body, so getting checked out if at all possible is going to be really important. Not saying that to try to scare you, but more so because there are legitimate dangers that come from purging with regards to your heart and electrolytes that can be very serious.

[ghazal231]

I'm trying as hard as I can not to right now and it's actually okay for now. I haven't thrown up in two days so that's a start I guess. I'll try to occupy myself when I do feel these urges. I decided that I'm gonna try and recover on my own but if I relapse one more time I'm going to tell someone about it. Thank you guys so much for your replies and your support 🥺💕