Anxiety is destroying me

[crazykat]

I have been debating whether to make this or not. So I hope it is okay to post. Over the past week and a bit my anxiety has got so bad that has left me pretty much housebound. Apart from walking to the end of the street with my case manager on Wednesday and ending up in A&E last night I haven't left the house. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick. I feel constantly on edge and often feel like I am suffocating. I can't continue to live like this, it is making me not want to be alive anymore just because I can't cope with this extreme level of anxiety.

Anyways as for last night, it was a bad night. I rang up lifeline because I felt quite unsafe. They were quite concerned so rang the police and ambulance, personally I think they overreacted. I waited 2 hours before I even saw a doctor. He gave me some valium to calm me down because I was pretty worked up. Said he would come and see me again in 15 minutes. I waited another few hours by this time I getting more anxious so I asked them what was happening as I couldn't wait any longer. They told me I had to stay until I saw a person from psych but they couldn't see me until after 8. The psych person eventually came and saw me just before 9am. I got to A&E at 2:30am so it was a long night.

She said I could go home on the condition I ring them if I feel like I want to take an overdose. She has also put me on alert with the psych team over this weekend and they will call me each night to check in with me. I know I need to do something to shift this otherwise it is only going to get worse but it feels so overwhelming so some encouragement would be nice. Thanks for listening, sorry this is soo long.

[tiptoes]

Of course its ok to post, I'm sorry your anxiety has been particularly bad this week. I know how hard it can be when your mental health leaves you housebound I really feel for you. It can get better though and I have complete faith that it will do try to keep hold of thoughts that this isn't forever you can and will get through this.

I am really proud of you for reaching out last night but sorry that you got messed around a bit in A&E. How are you feeling today compared to then? I think it is important to keep trying to get out of the house from time to time whether that is once or twice a week for a few minutes or daily for a bit longer somewhere in between. I find setting myself little tasks helpful such as pegging the washing out or popping to the shop round the corner for a pint of milk.

Has there been any particular trigger for this period of anxiety? Is there anything playing on your mind etc that is making it worse?

[crazykat]

Thank-you your support means alot. I am still feeling highly anxious and still have thoughts of wanting to take an overdose to make it stop but I feel a bit more in control and able to distract, use other strategies to not do that. I know it is not much but I managed to go outside today to put out some washing on the line and then later to bring it back in.

Tomorrow I am going to try and attempt to go the grocery store as I am getting quite low on food so I know it is something I need to do. I have no idea what has triggered this period of anxiety, in some ways I wish I knew so I could fix it if that makes sense.

[Sketchy]

Oh Kat, never worry about posting. You are so kind to others and deserve to receive the same kindness and support.:hug:

I think you need to be kind to yourself. Taking out the washing is a good step. Sometimes it's best to take baby steps, and it's incredibly brave to take these steps. I get anxious in crowds and in certain situations which often stops me from doing things, so I do understand how frustrating and frightening these feelings can be. With grocery shopping could you allow yourself a set time to go where it will be least distressing? And, most importantly, allow yourself a treat as a reward for your bravery. The more little steps you take, the easier it will become. It will be hard for a while, but take it slowly and don't beat yourself up over having the odd day where you say, "no, I'm staying in today, but tomorrow I'll be back on track". Could you plan little things you enjoy? What about sitting in the garden with a cup of coffee and a good book? Or going for a 5 minute walk, maybe taking photos, so you are focusing on what's around you to take away the panic?

I'm glad you phoned for help when you were at crisis point. I hope you can do that again if you ever need to. It's so brave of you.

If you ever want to talk, I'm only a pm away.x

[mommy's first born]

Hey Kat,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering so badly for anxiety ~real tight hugs~ I use to be bound by the same thing for years myself. I wanted to take my life too, because I was so tired of living the way I was..

Always making excuses as to why I could not go to a party or out to dinner with friends/family....So I truly know how you feel snookems. Please don't harm yourself, because your life is way too precious to throw it away..What helped me get through it was a deeper walk with Jesus. Prayer and reading the bible helps so much. I don't know your faith or if you believe in God at all..

I just know that he set me free to go outside without fear, and able to do the things. I was so afraid to do for over 25 years.. If you wish to talk further you can leave me a private message if you.

In the mean time I want to leave you these scriptures to help you..



2 Timothy 1:7

King James Version (KJV)

7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.








The Psalms91
Abiding in the Shadow of the Almighty 1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High
shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the LORD,
He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. 3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler,
and from the noisome pestilence. 4 He shall cover thee with his feathers,
and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. 5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night;
nor for the arrow that flieth by day; 6 nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness;
nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. 7 A thousand shall fall at thy side,
and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. 8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold
and see the reward of the wicked. 9 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge,
even the Most High, thy habitation; 10 there shall no evil befall thee,
neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, Mt. 4.6 · Lk. 4.10
to keep thee in all thy ways. 12 They shall bear thee up in their hands,
lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. Mt. 4.6 · Lk. 4.11 13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder:
the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. Lk. 10.19 14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him:
I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him:
I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honor him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him,
and show him my salvation.

[Snow White.]

Kat I can completely relate to almost everything you have said; how frustrating it is being unexplained, how you think of suicide because it is unbearable etc. While I am still leaving the house I really do feel for you because anxiety is such a difficult state to be in and I absolutely applaud your efforts so far (like Sarah my washing stays on the line for days!).

If I can help you in any way please let me know. I don't mind driving over one day to help you with the shopping and we can take it slow. Also I really recommend downloading an app "Stop Panic and Anxiety". There's a recording on there that is helpful in a panic attack or extreme anxiety that just talks to you (no music etc, not meditation), and repeats a lot that things can get better and it can reduce.

For me the suicidal thoughts some in because I just believe it won't get better; that's the anxiety trick. It wants you to believe that and that it is all powerful. But the powerful thing here is actually YOU. You did a great job calling the helpline and it sucks you had to be in hospital so long but I'm glad they're going to keep in touch this weekend.

Be gentle on yourself as best you cab and celebrate every small achievement. Do you see anyone about the anxiety? Do you have a medication like Valium for a circuit breaker when it seems too tough?

Also might be helpful to look into the services ARCVic have, they have a helpline andthey work specifically with anxiety.

Sending you all my love xxx

[crazykat]

I managed to do some grocery shopping tonight, I wrote a list before I went so I could just get what I needed and get out of there. It was hard, I sat in my car for for a bit just trying to work up the courage to go in but I did it. I now have food, yay :)

Thank-you thumbelina for your kind reply again. I don't have any PRN just my regular medication. I have been trying to do a bit of mindfulness and other skills I have learnt in group, they have helped a bit.

Thank-you Lorraine your support means alot and thank-you for your suggestions.

Aimee I really appreciate your offer, that is sweet of you but I managed to go by myself tonight so thanks anyways. I will look and see if I can download that app, thanks for the suggestion. My case manager knows about the anxiety, she has organised for me to see the psych on thursday for a review. No I only have my regular medication. I have never heard of ARCVic before I will google them thank-you.

[Serendipity.]

Sending love and hugs your way. I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to add but I am proud of you for how hard you're trying, well done for managing to buy food, that is a big step. I'm glad your case manager is aware of how things are, and I really hope your psych is helpful. Look after yourself xx

[crazykat]

Thank-you Hannah :)

[LittleCloud]

I can relate very much to what you're saying. Sending love and support- I'm low on words, but just wanted to let you know that I have read and am thinking of you. Well done with the washing. Did you get your groceries? Sometimes the little things mean so much

[akita]

Sorry that i have only just seen this Kat. How are you feeling now? I hope the appointment on thursday goes okay and maybe you should ask for some anti anxiety medication.

[Aardbei]

I will come back and reply properly when I have the right words but I just wanted to say I read and am thinking of you. PM me anytime x

[crazykat]

Thank-you Alanna, yeah I did get my groceries

Thanks Andrea and Ali :)

[akita]

How are you doing now Kat?

[Sketchy]

Well done getting your groceries. Little steps at a time are good. Sending hugs your way.