So, a few years ago when I was full blown manic I joined a website where you basically masturbate on webcam. I really enjoyed it. Then after a few months I went into a depression and stopped. I had dismissed it as me being bipolar manic and scrutinized myself like, "What are you doing? If pictures ever got off the website and someone you know saw it your life would be ruined! Nothing leaves the internet!!"
But I liked it. I felt self assured, sexy, and in power. I was in control. I am stable right now for the first time in my life and I just keep thinking. "I wanna start camming again."
I'm not asking to be persuaded out of it, I just want like an honest opinion/advice on this. Pros/cons that sorta thing. Like will it actually ruin my life if I'm on a private site doing that? How much of that is media scare and how much is like real? I miss it. I really do.
My fiance doesn't know I used to do that, that's also a topic I'd have to bring up with him. I'm gonna ask my therapist to reason through it with me.
There are ways you could hide your face (masks, a good wig, elaborate make up, fetish wear) if you want to hide your face? Honestly, it's your body and your decisions and if it's a safe thing for you and it makes you feel good then go and have fun. I don't think camming is dergrading if it's done by models/performers who are informed, safe and having fun.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
I'm kinda with Rodolphus on this one. While it wouldn't be for me personally, if it is something you enjoy, yea go for it. I think there are steps you can take to make sure your identity and location are protected. Like make sure what's on camera doesn't include personal information as well as hiding identifying facial features, tattoos, etc. And as long as you are fully understanding and consenting, then yea why not? Especially if you can just stop anytime and there's no set contract or commitment. It sounds like it's worth discussing with your therapist and fiance though, just to make sure everyone's understanding and you don't feel like you'd need to hide it.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
This is an activity that you enjoy doing but at the same time, there is a stigma associated with this behavior. I feel like it also comes down to you if you care about public image and characteristic trait such as classy/sophisticated/etc. How would you like to portrait yourself on the internet and do you mind what other people think of you are just some question that I want to suggest. I think the cons would be someone hijacking the video and post somewhere else without you knowing and that eventually someone you know could find it on the internet. It is so much easier to find something on the internet nowadays with a search of a button. Honestly, I would go with the route of "just to be on the safe side" but if you think otherwise then of course, it is your decision as well.
That's my one fear, is that people in my area might see it. I could do a private website or region lock certain areas, I imagine that would make a difference. I've been considering wearing a mask. I just feel it would be disastrous if say, my colleagues found it? Can you get fired for that? It's not illegal.
I apologise anyway, I didn't consider the other things that were mentioned, so I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
But I just wonder what your partner would think of it...? If he's fine with it then, by all means go ahead if it's something you enjoy... but I honestly think there are better ways to feel empowered than masturbating for unknown desperate people on the internet.
So I don't want to say either way about being fired, but I think it would also depend on the type of employment you have and type of contract you have. If social media and online presence matters and your contract states stuff like that, it could get iffy. If that makes any sense?
Could you use a proxy server, block location, etc.?
But yea I mean I do think being open about it with your fiancé is kind of important? Not to be judgmental about it, but because if you're sexually active with them and you want this to be a part of your life, I think they have a right to know? I don't think hiding something like that would be a sign of a super healthy relationship.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I of course plan to tell him. I don't imagine he would be offended in learning that I have done this before, and it probably wouldn't be surprising to him as when I last did it, when I was manic, I was hypersexual and it literally got to the point where my fiance, a man his 20s, told me I was overwhelming him with my desires.
At the time, due to the mania, I was suggesting threesomes and the sort and he was just happy I was open about the whole thing and my therapist and psychiatrist were shocked I handled it and stayed together as much as I did due to the extreme mania.
He's very feminist, he doesn't even like the idea of engagements or wedding rings because it suggests that the women are property. He is always encouraging me to have my own life separate from his as well as our life together. I talked about picking pole dancing up before at dance studios and he was supportive of that, the only reason I haven't started that is I'm working on getting in better shape so I can do that. Right now I am too physically weak for that kind of acrobats.
I just want to have certainty of some kind that I could safely do this. I'm afraid if my place of employment found out I could lose my job. There is a stigma with that sort of stuff, I just wanna be careful before I do anything again. Last time it was reckless, but I was not in control.
I wouldn't be posting if I was. I saw my psychiatrist several days ago, he has me come in every 2-4 weeks, and he said I was doing well... compared to how I was when I first came in his office. If I was manic I feel like he would have made a comment. I admit I am slightly elevated, but nothing beyond hypomania. I'm still in my own mind.
I don't know what kind of job you have, but do you have any type of contract? Or are there company policies you could look up or ask about to try to find out job safety wise? I'm glad your fiance is supportive and you feel like you can be open about it. It sounds like a good starting point.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
