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Controversial topic - married woman in an affair with committed man
Hi all,
I honestly don't know where else to go, that is why I'm here. I am in my 30's, with my husband over a decade and have a young child. I have been having an affair for around 5 years with a committed (not married) man similar age also with a young child. Prior to my current affair I had never cheated before, I am not the first affair for the man I involved with. I have worked with and known my affair partner for over a decade. His reputation, as I've always known, has been that he has cheated on his long term girlfriend. I never had any interest in him until around 6 years ago when he transferred to my department. For around a year we built a friendship, with him always trying to initiate a relationship. After around a year of him complaining about his miserable life, telling me how pretty I am (typical) and me finding myself in insecure place in my life / relationship our affair began and has continued for 5 years. It's been a rocky road of talking, not talking, our families finding out, work finding out, me seeking out therapy...and we're still together. I can't bring myself to end the affair, I am completely attached to it. My friends and family think my affair ended years ago, so I don't talk to a single person (besides him) about the affair. Trying to make sense of my emotions in this is making me go completely psychotic. I constantly battle between giving up the intense passion I feel when I'm with him, and the mental torment I am doing to myself by lying and being deceitful to those I love. Not to mention, it's gotten to a point where him and I are arguing constantly. He can flood me with love and then the next day turn around and tell me he'll be gone for a week on vacation and he'd rather us not speak. Logically, it makes complete sense, we shouldn't speak. But emotionally, I feel like I'm completely pathetic. Which he calls me....what was brought me join now has turned into someone calling me pathetic, disgusting, clingy. I can't seem to understand how this aggressive man who flooded me with constant affirmations and practically talked me into this affair now seemingly seems content with his life and able to turn me off and on like a light switch. I have a great family, a lot of friends, a husband who loves and wants to make this work with me, a successful career, I am in a doctorate program. But I feel pathetic every single day, because this man doesn't want me. I feel terrible for my child, that they aren't enough, and that instead of spending quality time with them, I'm on here fighting complete and total depression over this man. Has anyone else been through anything like this? I'm in desperate need to put this affair behind me, and move on, but I have found time and time again I can't do this alone. It is getting to a point where if this continues I will likely lose everything, including him and myself. I need help.
Thank you for listening.
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