I'm struggling and I don't know what to say. There's so much confusing stuff going on.
I am also....well. I was nearly not here anymore. But a large part of me wishes I had succeeded. Ive tried so many very serious things (no tip sharing so not describing) recently but none have worked.
I don't know how to say this without sounding like the typical 'everyone would be better off without me' thing, but in my case it's True. We all know it. People on and off here. I just need to find a more fool proof way, that the v agree to.
I think I need to die...
Last edited by Buttons. : 04-05-2016 at 07:54 PM.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
I think you should be here, Katy. I also don't think anyone would benefit from your death. I know it's hard to carry such vast amounts of guilt but the truth is that you don't have naything to feel guilty about. The things that happened to you did not happen because you deserved them or because you did something to make them happen. They happened because some people don't know what is right and what is wrong. And you should never ever blame yourself.
I think there is hope still. I think you can turn all this around and still have the chance óf living a decent life. But you need to stay alive for this to happen. I don't know if it's any help at all but when i am close to giving up i have to keep a promise i made to myself. I promised myself i would reach out for help just one last time before i end it. And so far people have helped me. There has never been a time when i have reached out that i did not recieve the help i needed.
Sometimes all we need in order to hold on a bit longer is someone listening. For someone to acknowlegde our pain. Can you try to reach out to someone in real life???? I think you owe yourself that gesture before making any rash decisions.....
I'm not so hot on words today but I wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and things can and will get better. You're a wonderful girl and you have so much to give.
Sophie.x
Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!
Hi hun, I'm not really able to post a long reply at the moment but I'm sending you love and you're in my thoughts. I know we don't know each other well but I would be so upset if you weren't here anymore xxx
I got 136ed. I managed to bullshit my way out of it despite a pretty damn near success at leaving planet earth. I don't even know if I wanted to bullshit my way out of it. I just did. back home with an epic support worker though so should be okay.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Thank you all for your support it means the world. I'm just quite...chaotic right now. Everything feels confusing.
They've increased my anti psychotic a couple of weeks ago and that seems to be helping with some symptoms, but my mood and anxiety are still all over the shop.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
I don't have much in the way of advise but I just wanted to say I can relate to what your're going through. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself, your CPN will know and understand that's it's not always easy to keep appointments when you are struggling. You'll get another opportunity to see them so it's not worth giving yourself a hard time over it.
You deserve good things and you deserve to live and have nice times and be loved. No one would be better off without you. I know it's hard to believe though.
I Hope the med increase helps you. Can you phone your cpn and at least talk to her over the phone if you're too anxious to see her face to face this week? It's important people are kept in the loop with how you are feeling so they can give you the right support lovely.
Pm/fb message any time you want a chat and a friend x
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Can you re-arrange the CPN appointment? If you have a mobile number for your CPN then maybe you could say via text you feel anxious which might make it a bit easier.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I saw my CPN yesterday, she showed up in the morning and I was partially honest with her but my brain was so frazzled I don't think I got as much out of it as I should. She's seeing me next week on Thursday. In the mean time I just need to focus on not using the million and one stupid coping mechanisms I have and focus on using the healthy ones. It doesn't help that they stopped my DLA because apparently when I went for two nights respite in the local psych unit they got confused and thought I was still in there despite being informed that I wasn't, so I have no money which is adding to the stress.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
I'm glad that you were able to see your CPN yesterday. It's good that you were able to be honest on some level. You sound like maybe you are somewhat frustrated that perhaps you wanted to share more with her? If this is the case then maybe you could try writing down what you want to tell her next time, so your frazzled brain doesn't get in the way. I don't know if this is something you would feel something comfortable doing, but I've done it quite a few times when things have been hard to say and/or I'm feeling rather anxious and no one has every thought silly of me for communicating like that. In fact they've seemed pleased that I've managed to find a way to share such things.
In terms of healthy coping skill/mechanisms, what IS working to some degree atm for you?
That really really does suck about your DLA! Is there a way of them re-instating it?
Take care lovely, you know where I am if you need a chat x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
So sorry things are so difficult.. Can one of the support workers help you sort the DLA stuff out? I really hope so. Not sure what I can do to help with that but let me know if I can.
I know you said a large part of you wanted to succeed but the fact remains that no matter how big or small that part is, there is a part of you that wants to live. That's what you need to try and remember and hold onto. If you 100% wanted to succeed then, quite frankly, you would have done. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.
The way I see things these days is that we're all definitely going to die one day, and life is hard and it socks so hard, yes it does, but we've got to make the most of any good times we get. What have you really got to lose from just just being alive and doing the things and just getting through.
Sorry if this was unhelpful... Love you xxxxx
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
