Suppose to be getting out of IP

[Solstice]

I'm suppose to be getting out of IP but I've told my psychiatrist how concerned I am that I'm going to cut the first night I'm out and she seems to think it's normal concern. I've also told her how little I plan to eat so she gave me homework to come up with a meal plan, which I did, but I'm not sure I plan to actually use it. It's going to be so easy to do the unhealthy things that got me put in here in the first place because my fiancé isn't going to be getting out for a little while and I'm going to be in a town with no one I know and only having to see a case manager at most twice a month. I've told my psychiatrist the truth about all of this but she doesn't seem as concerned as I thought she would, she keeps saying I don't belong here anymore and that she wants to see me get out of here so I can go through with my plans of getting married and having a baby, she thinks I'm ready, and part of me does too, I wish my fiancé was going to be there with me because I think if I weren't going to be there alone it would be a lot easier but I'm having to relocate to his town so I'll be away from my friends and my counseling services so it makes it more difficult. I'm not sure what to do

[crazykat]

Getting out of IP can be scary for alot of people, so it's understandable you feel this way. IP can become a bit of a safe place for many people so the thought of facing the world again can be a scary thing. However IP long term isn't always the best thing as it doesn't allow you to develop your own coping mechanisms instead of relying on just other people to keep you safe.

If your psychiatrist thinks your ready then you probably are, I think part of you knows too but at the same time it scares you. It's okay to be scared though. You might relapse, but you know what you also might not. The choices are in your hands, you can choose to eat or not eat. I encourage you to give it a go though, and don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. All the best

[Solstice]

I almost did it last night, I almost cut. I was so close. I told my psychiatrist today. We didn't get long to talk about it though because our session got cut short. She told me it's been on her mind that I am going to cut, she told me it's been on her mind that I'm going to cut and need stitches just like what I'm worried about, but she still thinks I can be ready to go in a week and a half. I'm scared. This could be so bad. We're suppose to talk about it tomorrow, she said we've started the goodbye process. She said Nicole, I can't break down into tears right now, I have a meeting upstairs. I cried harder. She compared this to when I had to say goodbye to Jen, yeah, it feels like that, it hurts to much. I hate goodbyes and I hate new beginnings, especially when I'm alone. I'm so scared

[crazykat]

Sorry for not replying to this sooner. How are things now, do you have a discharge date yet? It is normal for it to hurt when things end, especially relationships. You have put alot of your trust in this person and built upon a relationship so it can be hard when that ends. However to continue to stay in hospital if it is not needed can have a further detrimental effect as it can make the outside world hard to deal with. It will probably be hard at first and most likely there might be a few bumps in the road in the transition process but in time you will be okay. Remember that it's okay to be scared but it shouldn't stop us from taking the next step. Good luck

[Solstice]

My discharge date was September 1st but yesterday I was told it was getting moved back because my gate keeper couldn't find an apartment willing to let me out of a lease without a penalty yet but that I cannot possibly stay past September 9th unless I get sicker (I've been sick with pneumonia for about a month) or I hurt myself, if I hurt myself then all discharge plans would be off. My psychiatrist thinks it will be the sixth but I told them I would prefer to leave on the seventh unless it's going to be leaving later in the day on the sixth because I don't want to tell my psychiatrist bye three days before I leave, I want to either tell her the day before or the day of, my social worker said she'd see what she could do. I also told them not to worry about the getting out of the lease thing because Johnny and I are prepared to stay in a place for a year and neither of us foresee having to come back to the hospital, so to tell my gate keeper. Since my discharge date got moved back my psychiatrist said when this happens they usually do something fun with the therapist and since she's my therapist she asked me if I wanted to have Arbys with her since she knows that's something I like and I told her yet, so we're going to do that which will be fun. She also said at least it's a few more days with her. I think she was happy with how I took the news and she said she was actually kind of happy it happened because she didn't want to send me out coughing like I am. She also said she's going to try to get permission to send these funny doctor calendar things she gives me every so often (she's been giving them to me since I almost died from my gallbladder surgery) and mail them to me after I get out of here, I hope she gets permission because that will make me happy and feel still connected to her

[yoyogirl]

Have you spoken to the nurses at the inpatient facility? I am sure if they have noted that you feel a risk to yourself with the self harm. He/she can speak to pdoc on your behalf about their concerns she/he has? but you got to remember that you've eventually got to face the outside world again.