*huge hugs* I'm here if there is anything I can do. Maybe it would help for you to try and express things in a safe non-word way if you can. I hope you feel better soon.
Edit: *also adds fluff*
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Thanks everybody. Had a fall early this morning and it just reinforced, yet again, how bloody useless and pathetic I am without a wheelchair and even with one it's not like I can run away from anyone is it?? I just feel so, so...vulnerable. And I hate that word.
Also dad stuff that I don't feel comfortable putting online.
And the nightmares and night terrors are getting Ridiculous, even when I do my bed routine and if I wake up put on something calming to listen to I'm awake again with another bloody nightmare/night terror. Nightmares are horrible but I can usually pull myself round but night terrors, those who haven't had them or think they are the same as nightmares have No idea what it's like.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
I'm glad you found some words. I can understand not liking the word vulnerable but I wonder if there's something that can be done or put in place to make you feel stronger/more confident?
I can only imagine how hard it is to have physical issues that require you to be vulnerable and reliant on other people. It sounds tremendously scary and hard to cope with. I know you were going to a group before that you mentioned was helpful but said there were accessibility issues, is getting to the group not an option anymore? If not, is there any other means of support you would be able to access for help coping with the emotional side of things?
With regards to the night stuff - i am unsure if it is possible for you, but for me getting out of bed to go sit in a chair in another room sometimes helps me calm down. I know if you have mobility issues that might not be possible to do.
Do you have any fairy lights or anything in your room that you could turn on when you wake up from one to try to use for grounding? I actually got a remote outlet thing pretty cheap off amazon. you plug your light into it and then plug that into your outlet, and can just keep the remote right next to your bed so you wouldn't have to get up to switch it on even.
You could also keep a different blanket or something soft next to your bed to wrap yourself up in that might feel different from your normal bed blanket if that might help?
Just trying to think of how to translate some of the things I use to calm myself down in those situations to how they could be done for you without getting up. Sorry ignore if not useful. Please send hugs to your dog as well. I'm glad you posted and were also able to explain a bit. <3
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I may well freak and delete this but finally spoke to my dad and he said if I have any problems don't come to him (in any way) and the only conversation he will 'tolerate' with me is about my studies. Which hurt. I'm always defending him for his aspi stuff, no more. Fuck it. I haven't even put half of this on this thread even now because it's so engrained but whether I have a right to or not I feel upset, he only wants to speak to me if I'm succeeding, literally. I'm still holding the major stuff back but... I need to know I'm not my illness, physical or mental. And this is a massive step back.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
I'm sorry your Dad isn't being supportive. I know it hurts a lot feeling like part of you or all of you is rejected by a parent. Do you feel like other people see more of you than your illnesses? We definitely do see a wonderful human with a great personality. And we'll be here as much as we can be for the tough stuff too.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I know the feeling of having no words to explain things, and I know that it can be helpful to get things out in words. I'm sorry all of this is stuck inside and torturing you. Your feelings are very important.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Sometimes when I don't have words I make random noises (like my dog does) or flail around. Or just type gibberish. Are there any other things you can do to try to get the feelings out if words are not working? Art, physical movement, singing, shouting, ripping up some paper, etc.?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I went to the disabled friendly gym thing for the first time today that helped.
In bad news though I burnt my arm pretty badly yesterday and the blisters are insane. One already popped (not on purpose just must have caught it on something) it's just so sore and itchy and I can't ignore it because the massive yellow blisters are there. It's my fault and I know that, and I'm suffering for it, but despite that fact voice is still telling me to burn worse.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
Also now vomming blood so that's not good. I had to give in and ring an ambulance but they said they couyld be hours, trying to stay calm until then, any advice?
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
<3 did they have any suggestions for while you wait? Can you just try to snuggle with your dog? I wish I knew. It sounds like you did the right thing though. I hope they come soon.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
the ambulence people said they thought it was just the varisies (however you spell that) in my neck so so long as I agree to go straight to drs tomorrow I get to stay with my dog at home <3
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
