Triggering (SI) - Argh... silly me

[Stress Free Anxiety]

I was out shopping the other day feeling slightly triggered, but not to the point that I'd actually act on it...or so I thought. I'm over 8 months free, and got rid of all my tools at my 5 month mark. But in my moment of weakness I bought a few tools. I keep looking at them thinking about doing it, and it feels like it's tearing me apart in a way. I know I shouldn't have them and I feel really guilty about buying them but I'm also really comforted by it. I haven't told D (my personal cheerleader/supporter) yet, which I know I should, beause I feel really ashmed by it and I know he'll be really pissed and take them away. Ugh, I just don't know what to do.

[Lyn]

Hey, hun.Realy amazing. It realy is! I can understand that you have urges, but you've managed to get rid of your tools before, so you can do it again. I know it's hard (at least for me, I need them and I'm not ready to get rid of them) but ur obviously stronger than I am so you can do it. Throw them away! An never forget that you are really amazing.
Stay strong. Stay safe =]

[Sometimes Crazy]

Honey, you've done brilliantly by going this long without SI and getting rid of your tools until now! I understand how difficult it is to make that step of not having any tools - it can make you feel almost vulnerable, as if having them there keeps you in control? If you don't feel safe touching what you've bought right now, perhaps hide them and keep some pictures of people you love, games, bio-oil, elastic bands or anything that could distract you in front of them? That way, should the urges come back and you do reach for them, you have your distractions easier to hand.

D will only be upset with you (if he is) because he cares about you, love. Tell him you were afraid to talk to him but you wanted to be honest and he will respect you a lot more for that. Also tell him that keeping the tools will make you feel safer for a time and I'm sure he'll do his best to understand and let you stay in control :) Let us know how you get on with this, stay safe

xx

[Mimsy]

Well done on 5 months, you superstar!! Thats amazing and you have done so well.
I know how hard quitting is, and I just want to say how proud I am that you managed to throw away your tools the first time round. I never threw mine away (i struggle with the security aspect of it) but whats helped me is to get a box and shut them away in it. On the top of the box its labelled 'really?' with a picture of me on a happy day. It reminds me that I don't need the tools. Because you don't.
Be open with D, its the best way. He may be disappointed, but his role is supporter, and he can't fulfil that unless he has the facts. He only cares :)
Take care, Miriam xx

[Stress Free Anxiety]

Thank you for the support everyone. And the box idea is really good Euphoria.

So I've set a date to talk to D and will most likely hand over my tools then as I'm feeling better. I'm going to ask him to just hold on to it until I'm ready to fully get rid of it.

[Sometimes Crazy]

I'm really proud of you, sweetheart. :)

I've included this link to a page which will give you a few more ideas for a box, if you wish to. I hope meeting up with him goes okay! *cuddles* Take care, love

xx