Triggering (Suicide) - University - is there something wrong me.
About three months ago I FINALLY plucked up the courage to grab my things, and move out.
A counsellor I was seeing privately kindly offered me a place at hers and said I could stay with her and her family. It wasn't a decision I took lightly but I chose to accept her offer. I felt so much better being away from my mom and dad, and was generally really happy.
I started Uni last weekend and i'm not really enjoying it at all. I really like the uni itself and i love the course. But i've struggled really bad to make friends. So far I haven't started any lectures its only been freshers week so far. I'm staying in Halls but i'm really struggling to make friends. On the first sunday we came I got here before alot of people and consequently was sat on my own. So I went out and by the time I came back everyone was sat with each other and I felt realllly 'left out' (my own fault I know I should have just stayed in my room) I still haven't talked to anyone in my accomodation. I have talked to people in my taster sessions this week, and found it easy to talk to them. But they all have their own housemates and so do their own thing.
I just feel like the next three years could be really horrible, and I don't want it to be cos I really want to get this degree. I just don't know what to do. I feel really depressed again and have sat considering suicide all morning again. I just feel like noone would even notice and care anyway. No mom or dad who care, no friends. I just don't think theres any point in living when my life has no point to it what so ever!
Suicide isn't ever the right choice I know. But for me, life feels to painful to carry on. University was supposed to be afresh start and I was hoping to start a new life for myself. But I don't think that's going to happen.
I don't know what to do at all.
x
[If you think you can win, then you can win. Faith is necessary to victory]
Going to university is a huge change, and no doubt everybody who has started this year feels exactly the same... the way they show it may be different.
Some may be shy, and take longer to make friends (but will make friends eventually) and some may try to be somebody they're not and fit in, but still feel weird inside.
I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time at university if you just give it a chance. Going to university is, like you said, a chance to make a fresh start... and it's a wonderful opportunity.
x
"How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!"
♥
I can understand a lot of how you're feeling right now, and it really sucks, I know. I've been at uni just over a week, and I'm struggling a bit too. But seriously, it gets easier. Almost everyone I've spoken to says it gets better after Freshers week, when you get into a routine and meet people on your course. Most of your friends probably won't end up being from your Hall, but that's okay. There are people in your lectures and seminars, and at least you have something in common with them, that'll start you off and give you something to talk about. Also get involved with clubs and societies. Have you signed up for anything yet? Definitely try to get involved in things, it is a good way of making friends and again, you have something in common to start with.
As for the people in your Hall, it's not too late to try talking to them. I know it seems like everyone is already in huge groups of friends - I feel like that too - but not everyone is, and even those that are are usually more than willing to talk to other people, too. So maybe just go and talk to them, if you can. Or if you see someone else sitting on their own, talk to them - they'd probably be glad of it.
You'll get there. You've only been there a week, it's perfectly okay not to have made any real friends yet. And honestly, so far most of the people I've talked to / made friends with have been from going to societies and events related to my subject. So I'm sure that it'll be even better once Freshers Week is over.
I know it's hard, I really do. But you're right in saying that suicide isn't ever the answer. It will get easier, if you give it a chance. No matter how bad things seem, there will be a way to fix them. Do you have any support while you're at uni - are you still seeing a counsellor or anything? If not, I really think it would be a good idea - could you contact the support services or something? Just so you have someone that's there while things are rough. What else could you do to make things easier? Just keep on doing the things that you enjoy, the things that help. Whatever it takes to get through this - even if it means calling a helpline or posting here all the time. Just keep yourself safe, and keep trying.
I'm always here if you want to talk or anything - I might not be able to help that much, but I can listen and I can certainly empathise. Be safe, take care of yourself. You'll get through this. xo
*offers hugs*
honey, there's nothing wrong with you. I started Uni last year and I felt exactly the same as you described. but things get easier, they really do. i thought i'd never make friends or bond with my housemates but now the three girls i lived with last year are my three best friends.
it's a massive step for anyone to take and it takes people ages to settle into not only a new home, a new area, a new course...but a new friendship group. you might think that they're all getting on really well but i bet if you asked them, they'd all think to an extent that they're not fitting in with the group - i still feel like that sometimes after a year with these guys.
like you said, uni's a chance to make a brand new start and it will happen for you, i'm sure of it. just give it a chance.
i'm sure that uni will be an amazing experience for you.
i'm always around to PM if you ever wanna chat :)
stay safe and strong, you will get through this rough patch and things will get easier there.
x
i dont talk to anyone i lived with in my first year
i made friends with other people in my hall. also some people on my course.
its your first week, things are going to be harsh. this is what i would do if i was in your situation.. try to talk to people in your flat.
also talk to the people you have already spoken to on your course, ask them if they have msn, add them and start chatting with them there. ask them things like what they are up to, chances are they will invite you along.
do you have facebook? there will prob be a group full of people at your uni, read the wall posts and chat with a few of the first years. everyone is looking to find friends in the first year so i dont see how it will hurt.
do you live in a flat with others? you can easlier start chatting to them when they are in the kitchen, hey, sit in there and read a book, ask them questions about their course, how they have found it so far, what they did at a level etc etc. then conversation will easily come.
remember there are a lot of people in this situation and it can be very scary. put yourself out there and im sure you will make some great friends.
