So, it is currently 6am
here down under and I really cannot believe I'm getting into the real deep stuff in my first post.
For the past 4 or so hours I've been blaring music and counting down the hours until I need to be up and ready for school but after being 2 months clean from self-harm, only now am I starting to feel these intense urges.
I'm in my last semester for school (high school, 7th-12th in AU) and I received the news that for my final marks, I'm failing half my subjects.
That hit me in the soft spot because even though I haven't been able to keep up my attendance for the past year and a half, I've always been able to hold on to my grades, but now I can't even have that.
I really have reached a whole new low in life.
I have so many means of support,
(e.g therapy, family, friends) but I haven't pushed myself to the point of actually pursuing those options.
Most of this probably sounds like non-sense and gibber-gabber but this is what my dazed and confused little brain is focusing on right now and it really seems like nothing can get my mind off this.
I don't want to walk around with all these scars anymore, feeling like there's a huge target on my back with everyone questioning and waiting for an explanation.
Yeah. Temptations suck.