This Isn't Fun, At All.

[Dandere]

So, it is currently 6am here down under and I really cannot believe I'm getting into the real deep stuff in my first post.
For the past 4 or so hours I've been blaring music and counting down the hours until I need to be up and ready for school but after being 2 months clean from self-harm, only now am I starting to feel these intense urges.

I'm in my last semester for school (high school, 7th-12th in AU) and I received the news that for my final marks, I'm failing half my subjects.
That hit me in the soft spot because even though I haven't been able to keep up my attendance for the past year and a half, I've always been able to hold on to my grades, but now I can't even have that.

I really have reached a whole new low in life.

I have so many means of support,
(e.g therapy, family, friends) but I haven't pushed myself to the point of actually pursuing those options.

Most of this probably sounds like non-sense and gibber-gabber but this is what my dazed and confused little brain is focusing on right now and it really seems like nothing can get my mind off this.
I don't want to walk around with all these scars anymore, feeling like there's a huge target on my back with everyone questioning and waiting for an explanation.
"Why?"
Yeah. Temptations suck.

[Unbreakable.]

Is there anything that usually helps you to resist the urges?

What is it that keeps you from seeking and engaging with support?

[Dandere]

Quote:

Originally Posted by La araña discoteca

Is there anything that usually helps you to resist the urges?

What is it that keeps you from seeking and engaging with support?

I'm not completely sure why I'm so reluctant to get help for myself. I mean, when I do reach out I feel so ashamed and humiliated, I just hate facing the anxiety I get when I talk about my issues.
It's extremely silly of me to back out of getting myself more support to actually be able to sustain a healthy lifestyle.

[Kyaneos]

It's not silly, anxiety around dealing with and talking about issues is very common. If you engaged with a therapist and discussed these anxieties, they would be able to help you get past them, since they are trained to tackle this kind of thing.

You included therapy in the means of support you already have... does that mean you already have a therapist? If so, how would you feel about approaching them and talking to them about your anxieties?

[yoyogirl]

Hey

How about focusing on your subjects you are failing in high school at the moment and use them a distraction from the urges? That way you are solving two problems in one hit.

[Dandere]

Quote:

Originally Posted by yoyogirl

Hey

How about focusing on your subjects you are failing in high school at the moment and use them a distraction from the urges? That way you are solving two problems in one hit.

It seems like a productive idea, but since exams are over, I don't really have much to study or focus on. I can barely get myself out of bed anymore, never the less to get to school. It would be a good distraction though, if I had the means.
Thanks for the suggestion though x

[Dandere]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyaneos

It's not silly, anxiety around dealing with and talking about issues is very common. If you engaged with a therapist and discussed these anxieties, they would be able to help you get past them, since they are trained to tackle this kind of thing.

You included therapy in the means of support you already have... does that mean you already have a therapist? If so, how would you feel about approaching them and talking to them about your anxieties?

To be perfectly honest, therapists irritate me so much. Don't get me wrong, I think what they do is fantastic but from my experience, it's just one question after the other. They have a one track mind to me and I'm really not trying to generalise but that's just how the therapist I attend to acts like most of the time.
I think because I've had to answer to so many people (school officials, parents, family, family friends, etc).
We do speak about my anxieties a whole lot but to be really honest, my anxiety confuses the hell out of me.

Sometimes I can be the most confident person in the world and others I just want to hide in a closet somewhere where no one can find me for a few years.
Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm lying because my anxiety is so off and on.

[yoyogirl]

How about getting yourself stuck into a personal project at home such as writing a story or blog or even to do some housework or catch up on your favourite tv shows anything to take your mind off the self-harm/injury. I find drinking a cup of tea and watching my favourite drama on Netflix helps and grabbing some chocolate food or occasionally a pizza from Papa Johns. How about inviting your friends over for day/evening and play games console or catch with some gossip?