Various things. The moment where I decided that I was going to stop and never do it again was feeling utterly let down by services and realising that I was either going to be like that forever or I was going to have to get better without their help. So to be quite honest, in the beginning it was really that I just rage-quit :P But then over the years I've seen the benefits and that's helped me to stay free. For example, I found that without SH/ED behaviours I was forced to confront the actual issues and not hide behind "I cut myself x times" so that when I talked to friends and when a few years down the line I did receive professional help I could be much more productive and actually start to get better. For me, any counselling I'd had before I stopped self-harming was just firefighting, whereas after I stopped, I was finally able to stop lighting the damn fires in the first place.
It also helps to think about the things I've been able to do because of stopping. My self harm got in the way of relationships a lot and I don't think I'd be managing in the career I have if I was still self-harming. I'm also glad of the extra room in my brain for exciting things that used to be taken up with thinking about when I was next going to cut myself and how and where and how deep etc.
I'm sorry for the ramble. I hope that it helps at least a little bit!
Do you know what is causing you to struggle with urges at the moment?
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