So I'm pregnant with my 2nd child. My 1st pregnancy I was very stable mentally so it's a bit of a shock that I'm only 6 weeks and I'm struggling so much.
I have bpd and the last pregnancy I was on anti psycotics and having Dbt but this pregnancy I am no longer under services just my gp and am on anti depressants but I'm reducing the dose.
I keep fluctuating between depressed and angry... I constantly start arguments or I'm asleep and my husband is being so so good and not rising the arguments but just ignores them which makes me love him so much and makes me so angry at myself for always going on and on at him. When he is at work during the week though and I'm left with my son on my own I struggle so much to be happy and keep him entertained. I haven't got a lot of friends and the majority work during the week so I'm alone and sad. He goes to a childminder on a Wednesday so I can go to work and I try not to let my son see me upset but it's difficult.
I don't want to up my dose of anti depressants because it's safer to be on no meds in pregnancy but I'm struggling to cope :(
Firstly, the first trimester is meant to be one of the toughest emotionally, it may well be that when you hit 13 weeks things get easier.
Secondly, go talk to your GP and ask about perinatal mental health services. It might be that all you need is a medication review, but they are experts at what is safe for use in pregnancy. Some meds are really very safe and there are others that are best avoided first trimester but are safe to use afterwards.
Do you go to any play groups with your son? It might be a good way to meet some people who are at home during the week and have kids. It might help a bit with the isolation.
Thank you for your reply. I saw the perinatal team last pregnancy but as I was very mentally stable I only saw them twice when pregnant and once after and was then discharged. I mentioned would I see then this time to my gp but she said as I am no longer under services i won't be unless my mental health deteriorates dramatically.
I don't go to any groups, I used to go to the local children's venter regularly but got the feeling they did not like me very much although they loved my son so I stopped going and they don't seem to cater for over 2 years olds recently especially because of school holidays now.
I've also got scared of going out without any other adult around as everyone looks at me and I don't know why it's really upsetting me and I almost had a panic attack on the way home from the park today because I got really worked up and worried for Lucas' and my safety I don't know if I could prevent him attack on my own and the thought of someone scaring or hurting him makes me cry! Even saying this I'm on the verge of tears.
I'm so scared of telling my gp about this as I have read some stuff recently about social services taking children/ babies away from parents because of potential emotional damage and they will think I could do that even though not intentionally.
I think it sounds like things are deteriorating to be honest. You need to be honest with your GP, because you are more likely to have issues with social services if they find out you've not been seeking help when you need it. If you were on antipsychotics and in services last time and they didn't take Lucas, why would they step in when you've managed to be discharged and manage with only antidepressants? Getting help shows that you have insight into your mental health and take responsibility for it.
Yer I yer I guess I tyres to get an appointment last Monday with my gp when I was very depressed but the only appointment she had was this Wednesday its really frustrating cos she only works 1 day a week but she is the only gp I am comfortable with as another one I saw saw me for 5 minutes and referred me to social services because I looked visibly depressed because she thought I was a danger to my son even though he was with me and was running around the room ( as kids do) and I was able to control him and talk to him like normal.
As others have said you need to be well for yourself, your unborn baby and your little boy. Reaching out for help won't mean the baby is taken away - it shows your seeking help and accepting support. If they have to up your meds don't worry. It can help
They wouldn't do it unless it was necessary
Hope your ok xxx
I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..
I saw my gp my dose of anti depressant has been upped to what it was a few weeks ago and she wants me to self refer myself to do CBT so hopefully I can come off all meds in pregnancy rather then having to go back on anti psycotics.
I don't want to call these people up because I will sound like such a loser "hi I'm struggling can you give me counciling that I've already had before...in fact I had 6 years of therapy doing Dbt / CBT/ just general talking and spent years in and out of hospital and it still obviously hasn't made a difference so just waste your valuable resources on me..." The gp said she will see me next week and she wants to hear I have done it and I told my parents and that think it would be good my husband said do it if I feel I need to.
She also asked what I was on in my previous pregnancy and do I want to try that again and I said respiridone ( an anti psycotic) and I said defiantly not I don't want the fear I had last time and then she said "there are quiet a few drs that don't think you should medication at all" ( the people she is referring to was a PSYCHOLOGIST!! Who knows nothing about medication just knows that people with my. "Supposed" diagnosis shouldn't need meds and the other was a psychiatrist and some other person who saw me for 45 mins and told me I seem stable and I was never psychotic and should come off it.... If I should never have been on why was I solidly for 6 years? And during a pregnancy when they wouldn't let me come off them!!!) anyway so she said that and I wasn't really sure what she expected me to say back as I said I didn't want to go on anti psycotics again and I didn't really want to up my anti depressant!!
Then the typical "lets sit in silence and stare at her so she either gives me eye contact or she breaks first and says something" thing which went for far too long and when they do that to me I get dertermined that I'm not going to say anything until they do because they must think im so stupid and have no idea what They are doing... It was difficult though because she is a gp so her time is valuable and we can't sit in silence for 30 mins where as psychiatrists and psychologist that hour is "your hour"
Great that you went to the GP. Without sounding patronising, well done!
Don't worry about your AD getting upped - lots of people tske them during pregnancy and they are fairly low risk.
I know what you mean about CBT but it's worth a shot, and you kind of have to do it now anyway to look like your complying!
It's very frustrating when people say you don't need meds because of bpd I've been on and off them for years no one can make their mind up. It's not very coherent!
Hope you don't mind I laughed a little when I read the staring part - I can almost picture it! It's what I do all the time - it's funny that others do it too! Feel less bad now. I always feel like a child when it happens!!
Hope your feeling ok?
Thinking of you xx
I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..
It wasn't patronising it's always nice when people acknowledge how hard stuff can be for someone when it seems so easy for everyone else.
Yer I never even thought about the compling thing and I suppose if I don't do this she might refer me back to the cmht which means social services will have to get involved.
Yer every mental health perfessional I have ever had have done the silence thing to me it's weird that the gp did it though.
I feel a bit better today because I have plans to see a friend so I have to get on with things.
Had a great day (apart from arguing with husband in the middle of our road with people in my road because he felt too tired to drive so I had to drive him 30 mins to work in the wrong direction so me and my son and family (minus my husband? Could go a medieval fair and see jousting....I've been so good at not drawing attention myself in this house for 2 years now, I've had 0 ambulances/ 0 police cars...I had wandered down the road in my pjs in the middle of the night but nothing in broad day light where I could see people actually stopping to watch me throwing some fat tantrum!!! Argh!!
But I had a good day and my son loved seeing the horses but they started firing cannons and he got really really scared so had to go and cuddle him in a separate field. I got really dehydrated and tired and faint in the heat so got angry at my parents but Lucas asked them if he could stay at there house so I've got a lovely lie in tomorrow :)
The thought of being with him all day stuck in the house makes me so depressed....it's not my son at all just being stuck inside all day with a energetic 2 year old and being to sad/ tired to venture out
Do you have anyone who can come round and give a helping hand?
We'll done on the years without ambulance/police etc...
So what if you had an argument and people saw... Most couples argue, try not to worry...
Thinking of you
I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..
Thank you for your reply me and my son spent the night at my parents but I woke up this morning and my heyfever was so bad my eye started swelling up and pussing so I had to rush back home before i couldn't see out of the eye and anymore and drive.
I'm feeling so faint today and my son doesn't seem very well either so it's s really really difficult day. He got so upset he wet himself and got even more upset I'm sweating and feel like I can hardly walk but I've got to take him to the drs in 10mins. Not looking forward to it
My son is fine a cough he has for about 3 weeks was the main concern but the nurse said his chest/ears/throagt are all prefectly clear so it should go soon.
In still feeling so so bad. I can't cope another 8+ weeks like this so depressed and weak and tired. :( I don't know what to do. Also my paronia is not getting better..EVERYONE stares at me and it isn't even anxiety related because I could having a great time with family/friends then have to go to the loo on my own I freak out. I keep getting a crawling feeling over my arms like something is crawling on me but I look and nothing is touching the skin. :(
I'm going to see her tomorrow morning. I don't really know what she can do to cope. I just feel so guilty that I've got pregnant and now I'm a depressed idiot so my son is loosing out and I keep shouting at my husband infront of him and he keeps asking why I am sad and that I should happy.
Your not a depressed idiot AT ALL. Yes you may be struggling or having a bad patch right now but that doesn't make you an idiot. You are stronger than you realise.
You have a lot to cope with and you could probably do with a little but more support. Ok so your GP won't wave a magic wand and cure it, but they can help point you in the right direction or give you ideas for easing some pressures!
Is there any way you could have a bit more 'you time?'
I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..
Well my mum had Lucas the other night and I slept in his single bed because I've been getting really claustrophobic at night with my husband next to me because it's hot and Im waking up to pee so I slept until 11am after going to bed at 9.30pm. I also got a lie in today at my mums and I got to have a nap for an hour and half while my son had a rare nap. So I've got loads of time to myself. I just don't see how it's going to get better the bigger and harder it is to move I get and then having 2 kids and sleepless nights and argh I shouldn't moan but it's so overwhelming
