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Old 04-06-2007, 09:11 AM   #1
Mek
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The Past that haunts..Sexual abuse trig

It all began at an early age. The one man that was suppose to protect and keep me safe, is the one who betrayed me. See at first, I thought it was normal. I guess that was in the beginning when it was only touching. I feel ashamed knowing that I liked it, i was to young to realize it was wrong, and only understood that it felt good. I actually use to look forward to "my special time with daddy". Knowing this makes me sick and want to vomit, and yet somehow I still did. Over time it progressed to oral and then vaginal penetration. At the age of tweleve my own "daddy" stole my life. He took it all away. I will never get to experience so many firsts. He stole that from me. The first experiment, the first touching, the kissing, the first time having sex. I guess maybe that is why I feel like I am a lesbian. I dont feel safe alone with any man, because of him I have issue. I have intimacy issues, I have commitment issues, I have boundary issues, I guess Im just really one big issue!



When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze. - Unknown


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Old 04-06-2007, 10:42 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
You should not feel ashamed, you didn't do anything wrong. You were to young to understand that what he was doing was wrong, you said it yourself. You were too young to protect yourself.
It's understandable that you have problems with other men now, but maybe you will be able to get over some of these issues. It won't be easy but if you keep fighting hopefully you will feel more comfortable around people.
Stay strong and take care.
Xx

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Old 04-06-2007, 02:12 PM   #3
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sending you lots of hugs.

keep fighting

here if you need me

kahli.

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Old 04-06-2007, 02:51 PM   #4
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*massive huggles*
im so sorry that you had to go through that
stay strong and take care
x x x

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Old 04-06-2007, 03:42 PM   #5
EmmaM
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That’s a horrible thing to have gone through.
Have you told anyone? Your mother etc and have you gone to the police? I think you should this is a horrible thing to have happen to anyone and you might not be the only person your father has done this to.
Do you have therapy or counselling that might be worth looking into if you haven’t had any because it sounds like your head is a bit of a mess at the moment.
Stay strong xx
xxx





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Old 04-06-2007, 05:24 PM   #6
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*massive huggles*
i'm so sorry you had to experience that, no one deserves that, no one. There is nothing to feel guilty over, as the others have said, it wasn't your fault, you were too young to protect yourself, too young to even understand what was happening. Like the others i would recommend confiding in a close family member or friend, and perhaps seeing about counselling.
Stay strong, and good luck in the future.
PM if you need to talk.
Amy xxxx




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Old 04-06-2007, 05:26 PM   #7
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Yes I have disclosed this to my mother. My father spent a short period in prison and was released for good behaviour. I think he should have done life, because for the rest of my life I will suffer with the flashbacks, the nightmares, and the anxiety. Im not the only one my "father" has done it to, my older sister and cousin were victims to. I have had therapy and counselling for this issue, but atm I am not in therapy. I am actually looking to start again.



When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze. - Unknown


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Old 04-06-2007, 05:34 PM   #8
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*hugs* i agree the sentencing should be longer for cases of abuse and rape. It seems unfair that they spend only a short period of their lives paying for what they've done while the victims suffer throughout their lives. Have your sister and cousins come forward also??
Good luck with finding a new therapist, i hope it helps.
Take care.
Amy
xxx




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My goodness!! How long has it been!?
Message to all who knew me on here, and anyone else who's interested; if you want to get back into contact PM me for my email, I promise I'll keep an eye on them. I won't be posting around on the boards very often anymore, because, I'm pleased to report, I have recovered :)
<3 Paramore<3 "The truth never set me free, so I did it myself"


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Old 04-06-2007, 05:39 PM   #9
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Yes everything has been unfolded. It just seems so unjust. It just let society knows that men typically white men will always be in a higher level of power. Because victims generally are girls, and no I am not saying that men are not victims and women are not abusers.



When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze. - Unknown


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Old 04-06-2007, 05:45 PM   #10
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Yeah i know what you mean, i'm sorry the system has done so little in bringing your father to justice. *hugs*
good luck for the furture
Amy
xxx




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My Other Family (now named IRONICALLY HAPPY) Andyk, Knight, annihilate_me.
My goodness!! How long has it been!?
Message to all who knew me on here, and anyone else who's interested; if you want to get back into contact PM me for my email, I promise I'll keep an eye on them. I won't be posting around on the boards very often anymore, because, I'm pleased to report, I have recovered :)
<3 Paramore<3 "The truth never set me free, so I did it myself"


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Old 04-06-2007, 05:48 PM   #11
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Thanks for the hugs. I know that there is a hug feature, but I guess I just havent figured out how to use it yet.



When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze. - Unknown


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Old 05-06-2007, 05:52 AM   #12
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I'm sorry you had to go through that, but just the way you're looking at it seems optimistic. I'm sure if you get back into therapy they can help you more, as will any friends or people you can confide in. Maybe he can go to jail again for your sister and cousin if he only went for you. It's awful that he got out, he should be there for life. And don't feel guilty for "liking" is sometimes, as terrible as the abuse was some of it might've made you feel special, and every little one loves getting lots of attention. It also isn't your fault if your body reacted, you couldn't control it and it doesn't mean you liked it. *lots of hugs* Good luck with everything sweetie.

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Old 05-06-2007, 06:03 AM   #13
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He was already charge and convicted for all three counts of child molestation and rape. I am trying to stay optimistic, but sometimes it is just hard. I mean I cant even be in a sexual relationship, weither that be male or female without being triggered. It truly affects my everday life. I am working on it, working on getting better and being happy again.



When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze. - Unknown


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Old 06-06-2007, 11:39 AM   #14
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im so sorry this happened to you.
but please dont feel ashamed its not your fault you were too young to understand what was going on.
i hope you get help to get...well not over this but to help you cope so that it does not affect your everyday life.
*hugs*
xxxx



I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--which is:
Try to please everybody.



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Old 06-06-2007, 11:04 PM   #15
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It's good that you're looking to see a counsellor again. Perhaps some more focused work will enable you to make more progress in putting this behind you. Can I suggest something called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reporgramming) which can be very effective in processing instances of abuse and trauma?

Talk as much as you want here at RYL, we're here to listen and support.

There are many failings of the justice system, and you should feel completely free to rant about those too *smiles*

Rhi



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Old 07-06-2007, 07:31 PM   #16
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*hugs* the justice system is so messed up.



Before the eyes the beauty is wasting away
Reflections praise, she's dressed in decay
You see the struggle flood the skin
From promises to paper-thin
She turns a blind eye, will of stone
From stunning smile, to flesh and bone




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Old 07-06-2007, 08:46 PM   #17
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im so very sorry this happened to you
please take care babe
none of this was your fault.
xxxx helen







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Old 08-06-2007, 05:21 AM   #18
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Thank you to everyone for there hugs and support. I just thought I should give you all an update. Basically, nothing has been done. I am terrified to pick up the phone and make the call. I know that it will be beneficial, but there seems to be a barrier that is preventing me from moving forward. I guess I just feel so fu.cked up, I know this will help me. Somehow I am letting my fear get in the way of my recovery.



When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze. - Unknown


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Old 09-06-2007, 09:07 AM   #19
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grrr yes the system sux!!! a person who commits fraud will get more jail time then someone who steals the rest of a childs life.
also wanted to add that the pleasure you experienced during the abuse is actually very common, not everyone experiences it but a lot do..i just began to talk about this with my counsellor, and my jaw dropped when she told me i wasnt the only one...it can happen for many reasons, firstly we cant control what our bodies feel, and also you mentioned looking forward to special time with your dad, we confuse our own minds but sometimes any kind of attention is better than no attention. hope that made sense, my counsellor explained it better than i did, oh well.
i hope you are able to take the step of seeing as counsellor again hun, if you find one you trust ect it will be very helpful.
well done for speaking out against your dad, i never had that kind of courage.
take care hun xoxoxox



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