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Old 15-12-2012, 07:50 AM   #1
I Had A Magic Rabbit
 
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Would it be considered a suicide?

So, I've been restricting for a while now...I don't know, there's just something so comforting about it; something so warm.
Something so peaceful.
And that's what I hate most about it.


Whoever said I could handle this? God? Yeah, f*** you too.
Although my dad never told me I was worth somethin' and my mom hardly ever told me I was beautiful, I don't want them to bury me before I even get to know the meaning of life; what it's like to love. I don't want this to kill me.

Would it be considered a suicide?
Or a murder?

I want to travel the world, I want to see a ballet, I want to shave my head for cancer, I want to make my dad proud, I want to win a pie eating contest, I want to dance in the rain, I want to meet someone famous, I want to get married, I want to be remembered.
I want life.

Right now, I feel like a failure. I ate too much and I want to purge so bad...I want to restrict again. I don't know what I want from this thread...support, inspiration, a listening ear? I don't know, I'm just feeling kind of crappy at the moment and needed to get it off my chest.

Thanks for listening Xx



Love,
Lex

Someday, we'll fall down and weep, and we'll understand it all. All things.

My humorous yet insanely raw take on my life with an eating disorder, self-harm, and the occasional outbreak of acne. Check it out ladies and gents!
www.lampshadesandhandgrenades.wordpress.com


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Old 15-12-2012, 09:45 AM   #2
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I don't know what it would be considered but I think that's only important in the way you are viewing things right now. It is clear that you hold a lot of blame towards yourself and your parents and feel that they have badly let you down. It's always hard when someone hurts you and you don't know how to cope with that. Would it help to talk about your parents or those who have hurt you at all?

It sounds as though you get some comfort from moderating your food intake. There can be something satisfying about restricting, yes, and it appears that you've found that. However, you have so many wonderful things that you want to do and you won't be able to do them if you keep on restricting. Putting it bluntly, restriction can take over your life and it can really make you miss out. It's up to you to show your eating problem who's boss and that you can do all the things you want to do without the restriction etc. by your side.

Are you getting any professional support/outside support with this at all?



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Old 16-12-2012, 06:41 PM   #3
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Thank you Shine:)
I do have a therapist but she's an "adoption counselor" I guess and she mainly deals with my adoption issues. She only just recently became aware of my eating habits and what she does know is very vague...
Ugh. Sometimes, I really just don't know what to do. I feel so lost sometimes...I used to be known as the "class clown", the one that made everyone smile. But now, I don't see it. I lost myself...:/



Love,
Lex

Someday, we'll fall down and weep, and we'll understand it all. All things.

My humorous yet insanely raw take on my life with an eating disorder, self-harm, and the occasional outbreak of acne. Check it out ladies and gents!
www.lampshadesandhandgrenades.wordpress.com


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Old 16-12-2012, 08:35 PM   #4
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It's positive that you have some kind of support, even if they are not necessarily specialised in the field of eating disorders. Perhaps you could bring up your concerns in a little more detail and see what she says. She might know someone who can help you and she might be able to support you more herself.

It sounds as though you feel lost, do you know what has suddenly changed how you feel?



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Old 19-12-2012, 05:31 PM   #5
EyeOfTheStorm
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I'm sorry, I understand how you feel.
*hugs*
I'm not much help but I just wanted to say I hope you're feeling better



Wrists are for bracelets, not for cutting ~Kellin Quinn

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Old 20-12-2012, 11:12 AM   #6
Opheliac13
sideways falling, more will be revealed my friend
 
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Hi,
you say you want to live, but I know from experiance that restricting in particular will take over your life. Whether it actually results in physical death it steals some of your life, because all that time you be spending actually living you spend focussing on food and avoiding.

Getting help would probably be a really good thing for you, it might be the first step to doing all those things you want to do. And the fact you do have a councellor of some kind is good, because at least it gives you a place to go and ask about getting help. So, do that.

I hope you feel better.



Subtract out the impact
And the fall is all you get
- Ani DiFranco, So What


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Old 21-12-2012, 09:39 PM   #7
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Wow, I've been away from this site for a little while and I came back and saw all of your posts! That really means alot to me...
I'm feeling okay at the moment. I'm still restricting, I just recently started cutting and I can't seem to be able to break that cycle, but I'm REALLY trying to reach out for help.
I want to fix myself.
Thank you guys so much for the support. It makes things alot easier for me...



Love,
Lex

Someday, we'll fall down and weep, and we'll understand it all. All things.

My humorous yet insanely raw take on my life with an eating disorder, self-harm, and the occasional outbreak of acne. Check it out ladies and gents!
www.lampshadesandhandgrenades.wordpress.com


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Old 21-12-2012, 09:41 PM   #8
Opheliac13
sideways falling, more will be revealed my friend
 
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That's okay.
PM me if you need to talk :) Anytime.



Subtract out the impact
And the fall is all you get
- Ani DiFranco, So What


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Old 21-12-2012, 10:03 PM   #9
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What does PM mean? Sorry! I'm still kind of new to this site...:)



Love,
Lex

Someday, we'll fall down and weep, and we'll understand it all. All things.

My humorous yet insanely raw take on my life with an eating disorder, self-harm, and the occasional outbreak of acne. Check it out ladies and gents!
www.lampshadesandhandgrenades.wordpress.com


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Old 21-12-2012, 10:05 PM   #10
Opheliac13
sideways falling, more will be revealed my friend
 
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Personal Message.
Don't worry, I've been here for a while but I only really starting using the site in the last couple of weeks.



Subtract out the impact
And the fall is all you get
- Ani DiFranco, So What


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Old 21-12-2012, 10:11 PM   #11
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Oh, okay! I see now. Thank you, I'll definitely take you up on your offer sometime:)



Love,
Lex

Someday, we'll fall down and weep, and we'll understand it all. All things.

My humorous yet insanely raw take on my life with an eating disorder, self-harm, and the occasional outbreak of acne. Check it out ladies and gents!
www.lampshadesandhandgrenades.wordpress.com


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Old 21-12-2012, 10:13 PM   #12
Opheliac13
sideways falling, more will be revealed my friend
 
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Awesome :)

Take care of yourself :)



Subtract out the impact
And the fall is all you get
- Ani DiFranco, So What


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