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Old 16-11-2016, 02:57 AM   #1
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Sleep and marriage

So I recently got married and I am having an awful time with sleep. I was already having a hard time before he got home and we got married, but since he's been home, it's been getting progressively more concerning. Friday night I woke up to him holding me, trying to keep me from beating him up anymore because I apparently thought he was my father (that was the nightmare I was having) and I was hitting him. He was being very sweet but trying to keep me from hurting him, obviously. The other nights, I've just been getting very little sleep, and it's starting to become a problem in our marriage because I'm cranky and causing fights because I'm almost delirious half the time. Today I actually had an incident where I was actually hallucinating and I honestly think it was because of lack of sleep. Have any of you experienced this? I have been letting my case manager know how much sleep and nightmares have been a problem for me lately, and she finally agreed that it was an emergency and was able to get me an appointment with my psych for this Friday, but it seems like so long to wait since I'm basically getting no quality sleep at all right now. Any suggestions?

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Old 19-11-2016, 08:03 AM   #2
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Have you slept together prior to marriage? (actually sleeping in the same bed) I know it's unconventional but separate beds? At least until you are able to work through what is going on psychologically/emotionally. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like it may be trauma related. In which case it's going to be a long journey to adapt to this new stage of your life. In the meantime you have to do whatever it is you need to do to get some sleep. If that means sleeping on the couch or at a friends house so be it. The beginning of a marriage can be a little rocky it is a big transition. Let me know if I'm off base here, I'm not sure of the context of your situation.

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Old 20-11-2016, 06:26 AM   #3
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My husband throws serious punches in his sleep but only ever in one direction, so I sleep on the opposite side. He has problems and, not by choice, we don't always end up sleeping the whole night together.
You could try having your cuddly couple time in bed before you go to sleep, and then your husband could move to a different sleeping area once you have fallen asleep. If you're not able to sleep, then you could be the one to move once he falls asleep. I might be projecting, but that quiet peaceful time in bed together is important to me.
The crankiness from lack of sleep is just something you'll have to work through together. Maybe get into marriage counseling early so you can figure out what works best for you. The best solution is getting more sleep but that's not always easy. Sometimes your husband will just have to find ways to handle your crankiness, and sometimes you'll have to deal with things with him. Love you.

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Old 20-11-2016, 04:16 PM   #4
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Can you invest in two separate smaller twin beds and push them together for... together stuff.
My parents had separate beds for medical reasons and they were actually queen size each. I don't think you necessarily have to sleep in separate rooms. A sleep study might be useful. But yes trauma and night terrors does sound like early intervention would be useful from a therapist.

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Old 21-11-2016, 03:47 AM   #5
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You all interestingly enough, all suggested exactly what my psych suggested, that we sleep in separate beds until my body gets on the right medications and is able to sleep. However, he did not like that idea and said he "couldn't do that", therefore, we are still sleeping in the same bed. My psych started me on prozosin and another sleeping medication, unfortunately, neither seems to be working yet, and the prozosin has bottomed my blood pressure out to a dangerous level, so I'll be having my case manager contact my psych about that tomorrow to see if she wants me to continue with it.
I have been sick the last couple of days so I've been getting a little sleep during the day, which has been at least a little better than not getting any sleep at all. The nightmares/ night terrors, have still been bad though, so that's not helpful. I'm not sure how to explain to him that it may be that I HAVE to sleep in a separate bed, or place, in order for us both to get some decent rest. He snores at night and I honestly think that is part of the trigger. Last night it was around 1:45 and he snored really loudly and it frightened me awake, it was a trigger and I couldn't go back to sleep for a long time....I didn't tell him because I knew it would make him feel bad but I also know that it is part of the problem
I appreciate all of your advice\

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Old 22-11-2016, 01:49 AM   #6
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We have a queen size bed right now, I'd love to upgrade to king size, or even a california king, but our room is small and it may not even fit those sizes, but perhaps I'll measure and see it is definitely a good idea. Maybe even looking into one of those mattresses that don't let you feel when the other person moves would be a good idea and I think we could afford it in our budget right now. I wouldn't mind a new mattress anyway. I've been sick recently so last night I fell asleep on the couch, the poor guy has been so worried about me that he fell asleep on the floor next to me. I woke up and went to the bed and let him sleep on the floor, he came in eventually and slept in the bed with me, but before he came in, I was actually able to get some rest, so I do think that having him in the same bed with me is causing some of my problem, not all of it because I was having problems sleeping before we started sleeping together, but some of it. I think I'm going to tell my case manager about it on Wednesday when we meet, we met today but it was with him, on Wednesday we meet alone so I think it'll kind of be a good time to discuss it. I feel so awful that I'm having a hard time sleeping and he wants to help so badly. He is so worried about me being sick that he is sleeping right now so that he can stay up and keep an eye on me tonight while I sleep in case anything happens. I just feel bad that I'm causing him issues because I'm having issues

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