Sorry I haven't been around for ages or offered anyone else any support but today I am having a little freakout and I just needed some support.
Well, today I went to a therapy session with my psychologist and she read me out a letter which she is going to send to my GP (as we have added some weeks to my therapy) and she said that I no longer qualify as having an eating disorder because my behavoiurs have changed etc.
And I was like: what?!!! When did this happen? How dare you take this away from me!!! I don't want to not be an eating disordered person! Give me it back!
Which is crazy....but I want it back so badly and I'm just going round and round in my head and it is really irritating.
Anyone else had/having similar difficulties? How do I get through this?
Not sure how much help I'll be but here goes.. I know it may not feel very validating right now, but the fact she has added weeks to your therapy is a sign she knows you are far from good health. Where you are has good services, yes, but they wouldn't suggest more support if they didn't think it necessary, beneficial and worthwhile.
Instead of thinking of what you perceive as a loss, could you think of it as more of a choice now. Nobody say's you cant be eating disordered, but you have some experience without so much eating chaos now that I am sure has lead you to some better times and potentially many more. She hasn't taken anything from you right now, its more that you have found a place that offers more than one path to choose. She cannot, and has not stopped you from making the choices outside the sessions and maybe this is something that you can remind yourself of. The progress you made [as scary as I KNOW this is to hear] is yours. You have that power and you have exercised more control in changing the way things are than anyone else can.
I suspect she knows there is still much work to be done; could you tell her how you felt reading the letter and explore what you feel there is to gain by identifying yourself through an illness?
If she used the word 'qualify' I really can see how that would provoke emotions that make the ED seem like the favourable path to take, please remember this is semantics, her wording is not good, but it really just means they see how much progress you have made and therefore want to work further with you to help you get away from the problems that lead you to them when you first started.
In general please consider why you were referred, that an eating disorder leads you downwards, never upwards and it closes off opportunities left right and centre. Maybe you can try and view your journey as recovery from an eating disorder [which is not only accurate] but it will help balance the reasoning behind these changes, that there is a problem and you are fighting something.
I hope something I have said is of some use, but either way, lots of love to you, and message me anytime :)
i know how u are feeling... when i was let out of the hospital i was told that i returned to a healthy BMI/weight. when i first heard this i was liek WHAT? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!! i was soo underweight when i was checked in to the hospital that just the THOUGHT of being healhty weight was enoguh to send me back into the eating disorder. i did WANT to be healthy weight. as much as i didnt like being labeled as the girl with the eating disorder i didnt WANT to b healthy...
"life is not measured by the number of breaths we take... but by the moments that take our breath away..."
Yesss, I can definitely relate :) Even now, years into recovery, there are still definitely times when I want to be someone with an ED. I want to be "special," I want people to look at me and think "wow, that person needs some TLC," I want the accomplishment of starving myself until I'm a skeleton. And actually, I still kind of think of myself as having anorexia, just anorexia in recovery instead of active anorexia. It's weird how one little word can have so much power...I try to always remind myself of how I felt while I was in the middle of my ED--I didn't feel powerful or special or happy; I felt miserable.