something has happened and I'm scared to open up about it.
Some posters have appeared near where I live and they have big, evil looking eyes on them. The eyes are watching me and I feel under threat. When I'm at home, especially at night, I'm being watched.
The threat of the G's has increased again.
Lines of communication need to be clear and the medication impedes those lines. I need to be able to make out clearly what they are saying not just mumbles and music
I'm scared to tell anyone about the eyes and being watched as I don't want anything bad to happen or put anyone in danger
I've been followed before but never have i seen eyes as sinister as those.
I'm not sure what to do
Any help appreciated
Nothing bad is going to happen because of you talking about it, I can assure you.
From what I remember, you live near to your mum? Perhaps you could mention the eyes rather casually to her so that you can get another opinion on them and see what she thinks about the posters?
thanks for replying.
I live about a 10/15 minute car journey away from my Mum.
I'll have to try and get her to come to my house so she can see the posters.
Feeling quite anxious tonight
thanks Jenna,
I haven't mentioned anything to her yet. Need to wait for the right time.
Am anxious about the posters and being followed and spied on.
Voices saying I'm being watched by the G's and the government and am under threat
also voices saying I'm a bad person and that I would be better off dead
I feel like I've tried really hard today to distract and act opposite to how I feel; and yet here I am feeling really low.
Suicidal thoughts have intensified today. Think they started since the weekend and at first they were fleeting and just thoughts about dying. Now they are more often and I've been thinking about how I could do it and where etc..
I don't think I would do it but it's an option that is there
I tried calling my cpn today but she is on leave until tuesday next week. receptionist said i could speak to duty but I didn't have it in me to speak to someone who doesn't know me that well.
I thought I could speak to my GP. If I phone the surgery at 8am tomorrow I might be able to get an emergency appointment with my GP for later that morning.
thing is, I don't really think it's an emergency
but at the same time I feel really isolated with this. I told my two friends at coffee today that I had suicidal thoughts and they said they thought it would be a good idea to tell someone.
Well done for being so pro-active in distracting and trying to get help for yourself. Do you know what is causing your suicidal thoughts?
I do think it would be worth speaking to your GP, if you haven't done so already. It definitely counts as an emergency.
I know that you've previously had concerns about the Gs and being spied on and sometimes were worried about bad things happening etc, but looking back, has any bad actually happened as a result of the things that the voices have threatened about?
thanks
think the suicidal thoughts have crept in because feel so low and hopeless
I saw my GP Friday morning. It was fine and he was supportive. I've to phone my CCo on Tuesday when she is back in work.
so far the msg from my psych is to wait 4-6 weeks to see if things improve but I said to my gp i can't wait that long feeling like this. My gp agreed and said he'd contact my psych/careco before then if things get worse/don't improve.
It's the fact that the threat is there that makes things so difficult and things happening in german politics like AfD increase in support in view of problems with the SPD and forming a coalition with CDU and hence forming a government.
There's also the rise of the far right and the case of the man in the North West of England who was found to have a flag of the Swastika in his flat and the threat of him carrying out a terrorist incident.
These things are all signs that indeed the G's are a threat to me.
They think I have highly classified information
The far right are evil animals
GP said something about ideas of reference when I was telling him about being followed. Not sure what ideas of reference are.
but have come to Mum's for the weekend and there don't seem to be that many white Range Rovers around where she lives so it looks like the surveillance is not as intense here. Mum also has an emergency services hub at the corner of her road so i think the G's are wary of that
Over the summer I had some physical issues which were not explained by anything despite a n e visits and blood tests
contamination of medication?
Sorry I've taken so long to respond. I'm glad your GP was supportive and I hope it went well with your CPN on Tuesday.
I definitely agree that there is a current rise in the far right politics-wise, and the sucess of AfD is worrying, though as far as I'm aware no other German party would even consider a coalition with AfD, if that is what you were suggesting (apologies if I've misunderstood!).
However, I think concern about the far right is valid, but I don't see any evidence that we need to worry about medication being contaminated by them and regular citizens being followed and watched by multiple white range rovers. Can you see how in my eyes there is a quite a difference between the threat I'm seeing and the threat that you are describing?
I think ideas of reference is where you have thoughts that everything you hear or read are personally related to you. So for example, reading a newspaper headline and assuming that it was a message for you, rather than it just being a newspaper headline written to summarise a news story.
I think that if your physical symptoms were a consequence of medication being contaminated, then it would have showed up on a blood test, so I don't think you need to worry about that. Unexplained symptoms happen all the time and are normally a consequence of the body acting in a slightly unusual way that doctors don't know about, rather than because of external contamination.
I didn't see CPN in the end. I got a letter from her to say she'd put me down for an appt with her on 1 March & that she'd spoken to my psych and he said if mood doesn't improve in 3 wks to consider change in medication.
I think my mood has improved a bit and I really don't want to go through a medication change so will just ride this low mood out I think.
I don't think AfD will be part of a coalition but I do believe that it is increasing its membership and with disharmony between and within other parties, I think that AfD is becoming more popular. Not good.
They don't think I am a regular citizen though. They think I'm special (I'm not. I definitley am not). I'm sorry, I'm not being awkward but I can't see the difference. It's late, may be that's why I'm not comprehending it??
There are signs everywhere. I had a letter from Docs about going to a preventative clinic for diabetes as my glucose plasma level is highish
It's a sign.
I'm going to die. I know I am.. and it'll be a slow and painful death
Diabetes isn't that bad and it won't kill you. I've had diabetes for 23 years and I'm still here. Get it treated, look after yourself, it's no problem.
So CPN appointment tomorrow then? I hope you're able to talk to her about your concerns and hopefully she'll be able to help.
In what way do they think you're special? Do you think that there's anyone else who they regard as special? You don't need to be sorry and I know you're not being awkward. I do feel certain that they are not a threat to you and I hope that by continuing to talk through it you might start to feel reassured, but I know that for you this looks really different and it's hard to understand my point of view!
I think the letter from your GP is probably a sign that your diabetes needs a bit of careful monitoring just at the moment, but I don't see how that would be linked to anything else. I think that's a really good example of ideas of reference though!
I wish I could be of more reassurance to you as it must be really scary. I'm here if you want to keep talking though.
Yes, cpn appt tomorrow. I've made a few notes for the appt.
They think I have special knowledge, that I know special, secret things that they want to find out from me. They want my brain, they want my knowledge. But they are wrong. I don't have this knowledge, I don't know these special, secret things. But they won't listen. They won't believe me.
I saw my GP yesterday and said that I'd had this diabetes group letter & he said I was the second person that day to say they'd received this letter but that he hadn't sent it (it had his name on the letter). The other person said they tried calling the tel number on the letter but got no answer. My GP and this other person wondered if it was a scam. I told him I got through on the tel number and I'm going to a group on Friday. Now I'm worried. May be this is the work of the G's and they are getting me to go to this location on Friday with the idea of abducting me. I tried phoning the tel number again today and got no answer. I am scared. I don't think I'll go to the group on Friday. I don't think it's safe.
Making notes for your appointment was a great plan. How did it go?
OK. I know that this has been going on for some time- have they had opportunities to hurt you in the past where you've been alone? To me, it firstly sounds like quite an unlikely scenario because the far right isn't really in need of particular information; in fact they seem to quite like just making random stuff up! But even if they were intent on getting some knowledge from you, I'm certain they would have made a better attempt at abducting you by now. One of the main things that makes me think that it's part of a psychosis rather than a reality is that it is made up almost entirely of threats with no actual action. Does that make any sense?
That does sound quite odd about the letter. What sort of location is the group at? If it's quite a public place and you can bring someone with you, I think it would be safe to go and check it out, but equally giving it a miss is probably a good option as well!
I didn't see cpn because of the weather. they were doing urgent visits only.
I'm seeing her on Monday instead.
I can see what you are saying but I really do believe it's real. My GP says it's illness but to me it's real. It's happening.
I'm sorry I don't mean to be awkward.
I told my cpn about the letter and group and she said not to go and that she would investigate it and speak to me about it on Monday.
Oh that's a shame, I'm glad you'll be seeing her soon though. I hope she's able to give you some answers tomorrow about the group as I can understand why it's worrying you.
You aren't being awkward at all and I do understand that however illogical it may look from the outside, it is all very real to you.
