Triggering (SI) - I dont know what to feel(may be triggering sexual abuse too, not sure)

Ghostface · 01-04-2009, 09:42 PM

I really wasnt sure if this was supposed to be in the abuse-forum.

Soo...My brother has been acting weird for like a while, or always. Ive been pretty annoyed by him because he has been hitting on my friends. He's 25 and Im 18 btw. He's mostly been talking to them through msn and the internet. I knew that he had talked to my (former) bestfriend several times, but I thought it was just innoncent fun. Anyway, I didnt react that much until one day when he started talking to me. He said he had bought new clothes, and wondered if I wanted to see them. I was like; uhm, sure. He went away and came back a couple minuts later...He told me he got new underwear, and I was like, Uhm, ok

And when he asked if I wanted to see them I really got confused and told him he was acting weird. He said some other (sexual)stuff, stuff you wouldnt say to your sister, before i blocked him. I didnt tell anyone except for my bestfriend, I mean, it wasnt such a big deal, just odd. Nothing else happend anyway.
Well today my mum came and visited me, and she told me things..

The following content has been hidden - Reason : sexual

It all started some years ago, and she has had a really hard time with it, and didnt tell anyone. My brother had also done more then just talking with my bestfriend...Im kinda pissed at her actually, cause he has a problem, and it almost feels like shes taking adventage of him. Cause from what she told me she thought it was really amusing that he had the hots for her...

Anyway. I dont know how to react. My brother "had to work" during christmas, but the truth was that my sister couldnt handle being together with him, so he stayed away. Now, my mum said that a natural reaction would be to not talk to him anymore and stuff, but we have to get through it as a family. My family has never been close, but still, it hurts me seeing my mum. Cause she was the last one to be told, they didnt wanna tell her before, because that was around the time I got hospitalized, and they(my sisters and father)thought it would be too much. Anyway, he's getting help from some people from our church, and he has talked to my sister.

Sorry about my babbling. Just had to write it down...I want to Self harm now. I dont feel that much, like when I first got to know it I just felt sad, but now I dont feel anything. Shouldnt I be a bit angry?
Also, my mum compared the thing with my brother with my depression, and later said that my brother had ruined the family.

So Ive ruined the family too?
This was probably confusing, sorry.

01-04-2009, 09:58 PM

It sounds like your brother has a lot of problems... But none of it is your fault no matter what your family says. And he needs to learn that he needs to get help for his problems, not act on them... It does sound like your friend needs to tell him no as well. Have you talked to her about how this affects him? And I'm a little unclear; does he take no for an answer even if he has made weird advances, or do you or anybody else feel threatened (or its happened) that he has actually forced anything?

If you don't feel safe around him it's ok to be away from him. You can keep in contact with him by phone/internet if you think he could be a danger and not be able to control himself around you or your sister. I mean if he's consistent with stopping when he realizes it's inappropriate, and he's getting help, you can decide if you feel comfortable. But if he has in the past or if you think he would at all force anything, I think you have to protect yourself before you think about whether your family would be mad. It's not abandoning him; it's just keeping something really bad from happening that would completely destroy you and your family way worse than what's already happening.

take care and post if you need to. remember to keep your safety first. *hugs*

Ghostface · 01-04-2009, 10:11 PM

Im not sure how far it has gone to be honest, my mum said she didnt want to tell me all the details...But I dont think he has pshysically forced himself on anyone. He has hit me once, but that was just out of anger.
It's strange, cause I rarely feel unsafe around him. I mean, we dont have the best relationship, but he's my brother. It's mostly my sister who has been suffering.

They've talked to my friend. Since they're all in the same church and stuff. But I dont get why she told me that she had talked to him when she didnt tell me the whole truth. She might as well shut up.
We're not really that close anymore, so I dont see her a lot.

The main reason I wanna SI is that I KNOW I am a burden to my family, no matter what anyone's saying. And now they got another burden.
If I could just disappear they would have a little less to worry about.

02-04-2009, 12:44 AM

everyone in a family is a burden now and then. its part of being a family.

Ghostface · 02-04-2009, 01:43 AM

Yea, but I've always been the burden. Im the burden all the time.

Katiee · 02-04-2009, 01:51 AM

Hun, I don't know what advice to give, but please don't harm yourself. Could you use distractions or maybe talk to someone about everything? Take care, sweetie. We're always here for you. xo.

Ghostface · 02-04-2009, 02:42 AM

Thanks...Im seeing "my" nurse tomorrow(psychiatric nurse, she's responsible for my medication and stuff). I dont know her well, so not sure if Im gonna be able to talk much to her, but I'll try.
Harming myself or not is not really the question,but trying to not do it like really bad is my main goal at the moment

Hard since a part of me really wanna cut deep.