Relapsed. Support appreciated.

[Celticroots]

I relapsed and hit myself today after several weeks free. I also scratched myself, but the urge wouldn't go away until I hit. I tried distracting myself in the chat but it didn't help. When I hit myself, I wasn't caring about how hard the blows were. The harder the better in fact.

I am having issues with my weight, but not in the way that people would think. I am trying to gain weight, not lose it. My feelings about my weight are not tied into psychological issues. I don't have an ED. It's due to medical issues.

Said medical issues have always caused me a lot of stress. Yesterday, my weight was higher, but today I saw that it had gone down. I feel like all my hard work had been for nothing. My stepmom, who is a nurse, thinks I may have an calorie absorption problem or something. (We aren't sure.)

For this incident of self-harm, the reasons were for control. The damage I do to my body feels like the only thing I can do anything about.

This may not make sense, but I needed to get this out.

[marieqoza]

I'm sorry to hear that.
How are you at the moment?

[Porcelain Child]

I have two friends who are in similar position, and i can see why you would feel need to get control through self harm, i know my friends get mad with themselves when they can't gain weight, so i understand what you are going through.. I know you have to eat a X amount of calories, but understand that can be hard especially when you cannot gain as it is..

I am here if you wanna chat..

[PassedExpectations]

weight fluctuates naturally... i read somewhere that we cant be sure that we've really gained or lost weight unless it is a 3 lb difference... because how much we've eaten, and drunk, and the clothes we're wearing, and for women, where we are in the monthly cycle can effect the exact number on the scale... maybe it would be helpful to not weigh yourself each day? weekly might be good enough, and be easier to not focus on small changes...