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Old 07-07-2020, 11:11 PM   #1
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Graphic - Struggling with Dealing With The Loss Of Online Friends Who Have Taken Their Own Lives


I hope people donít mind me posting.

Over the years I have known at least four people online (and probably more) who have taken their own lives (two from here, two I have known through social media). Apart from one person who I used to text with I only knew these people online but it felt like they were my friends.

A couple of the deaths were a few years or so ago now, one was last year and one a couple of weeks ago.

I feel tremendously sad about the deaths of all of them.

I feel so many feelings:

Deep sadness
Guilt and anger with myself that I didnít manage to help them/intervene more
Anger at the mental health services who it seems have done more to try and help these young women

And yes you will all hate me for saying it but when I feel suicidal sometimes I feel jealous of other people who have succeeded at suicide when Iíve got so close and it feels like what I need but I havenít quite managed it.

At the moment I just feel really sad about the losses. All these losses seem so huge. We lost all these people too early when they should have had the chance of getting to a place where they might be able to enjoy their lives again.

Iím just wondering if anyone else understands/relates or can share things that have helped them cope in this kind of situation?

i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!

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Old 08-07-2020, 08:38 PM   #2
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Five years ago, in august, i lost a really good friend to suicide. She was a huge light in my world that can become quite Dark at times. Like you, i felt anger, guilt and sadness. I felt like i had failed her. And that the system had failed her. I still feel like that at times so it isn't something that just passes and then never returns.

What sort of helped me, was the very profound feeling i had that she would not want me, or others, to follow her. To do the same. I knew her for long enough to know that she suffered immensely at times. And when she did, the entire world went Dark for her.

Sometimes you end up in a place where you truly believe that suicide is the better option for yourself as Well as those around you. And sometimes people make a decision during those times and follow their decision. At that point it is quite hard to help them. My friend made the decision long before she killed herself. I knew that. In my hopeless optimism i had just hoped that she would find something worth Living for and change her mind.

Sleepless, don't let this feeling of anger and guilt eat you up. That is definetely not what your friends wanted. Maybe there is a reason why you are still here. Maybe itís just coincidence. But you are here now, and you still have a chance to change your life and to change the lives of those around you. And that is in itself an ecouraging thought, i think.

The grief changes. It never goes away. But that does not mean it has to fill the void they left inside you. There is room and space for good things too. I Think that's what your friends would want for you.

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Old 09-07-2020, 08:33 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Sleepless123 View Post
And yes you will all hate me for saying it but when I feel suicidal sometimes I feel jealous of other people who have succeeded at suicide when I’ve got so close and it feels like what I need but I haven’t quite managed it.

I can really relate to this especially. I don't think it's wrong. We all have our own struggles. It's really hard to lose people and however you feel or need to grieve isn't wrong at all.

I don't have better words but I don't think you said anything shameful and I'm glad you felt like you could post this here. You definitely aren't alone with these thoughts and feelings.

Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.

You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.

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