I don't think meds have to be a step backwards. If taking care of your needs in the moment means taking medication, that's a really brave and positive step that you are making. I'm sorry you're struggling so much currently. Did you get offered any other support along with the medication?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.