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Old 14-04-2020, 01:40 PM   #361
Cacoethes
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The staff are just frustrating me now
They refuse to listen or understand



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 14-04-2020, 03:25 PM   #362
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That does sound frustrating. Maybe they don't understand but it would be better if they at least allowed you to feel heard.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 14-04-2020, 04:07 PM   #363
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Is there something particular that they don't understand?





It's a long way down
On this rollercoaster.



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Old 14-04-2020, 06:48 PM   #364
Cacoethes
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They don't understand that I have to die to save the world
They don't believe me
I've had several more incidents today but they keep catching me and threatened another injection
They don't understand that this has to happen
It's for the good of everyone
Why are they so against that???



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 14-04-2020, 07:18 PM   #365
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Is it possible that they understand that you believe you have to be dead, but they don't agree with you? It's their job to keep you safe, and letting you hurt yourself is the opposite of that. Their job is to focus on you, not on everyone else.



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 14-04-2020, 07:46 PM   #366
Cacoethes
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I think so.
It's frustrating
I know it's their job but I wish they would understand that this is for the good of everyone
What can I say to make them believe me?



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 14-04-2020, 08:01 PM   #367
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I don't know if there's a way to make them believe because it's such a huge thing and people tend to stick to what they know with regards to their beliefs. How could they support you without agreeing with your beliefs?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 14-04-2020, 08:56 PM   #368
Cacoethes
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I don't know how they can support me
They keep asking but I really don't know
I don't think there's anything they can do



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 15-04-2020, 10:49 AM   #369
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Would it help if they said 'we can do x, y, z, etc will any of these things be helpful for you?' Rather than you having to work things out yourself?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 15-04-2020, 11:28 AM   #370
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Only if they are willing to believe that this is REAL.
Then any suggestions from them might me semi helpful.

It was another bad night.
They took my clothes off me and made me wear a seclusion gown which cannot be ripped.
They won't even give me clothes to wear today. Not even socks. So I'm stuck in this uncomfortable gown.
They also restrained and injected me again for NO reason.
I was literally lying down trying to sleep and they all burst into my room with a needle and held me down and stabbed me.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 15-04-2020, 11:54 AM   #371
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I'm sorry you've had such a distressing night. I'm sending so many hugs <3







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Old 15-04-2020, 01:27 PM   #372
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I'm sorry you had a bad night. Things seem to be getting more difficult as time passes, it's hard to be stuck in hospital at the best of times. What are you doing today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 15-04-2020, 01:33 PM   #373
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Thank you both <3

Things are getting more difficult
Everything feels more urgent. There's no deadline but it has to happen SOON
Been wracking my brains trying to think of whatI can do but they've taken everything and I can't be alone anywhere
I'm continuing refusing food and fluid but it's taking too long



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 15-04-2020, 02:24 PM   #374
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Maybe it's really not meant to be if it's so difficult to do. You've had times like this in the past and have come through them, can you even consider that this might be related to those times? Juts because things feel more urgent it doesn't mean that they are. I know this all must be so difficult for you, especially since people are telling you what you believe is wrong. I wish you could find a way to fight for your life rather than your death.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 15-04-2020, 02:32 PM   #375
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The women in my family are all very difficult to kill
My great nan died having survived 2 world wars and been read the last rites twice in her life at different points but not died, my nanny was given 6 months to live with terminal lung cancer and that was about 15 years ago and now no sign of any cancer which is unheard of.
There are other examples too.
I should have died years ago but I've always surived when I shouldn't have.
I think it's genetic.
So it's going to be very difficult but it has to happen

It's making me think that all the staff here want the world to end. Like they've made some sort of deal with an entity to make sure the end of the world still happens and that's why they are keeping me alive



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 16-04-2020, 10:39 AM   #376
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I don't think the staff have made any kind of deal, I think they are just doing their best to look after you while you're unwell. What do you hope to get from ward round today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 16-04-2020, 11:38 AM   #377
Cacoethes
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I don't know.
I'm going to try and convince her to either send me home or let me die.

I don't feel well today.
Quite dizzy and sick and I can't even go to my room to lie down for a bit.
At the same time I feel really restless.
I don't know what to do with myself.
And they won't give me my clothes back so I'm stuck in this horribly uncomfortable seclusion outfit that they put me in.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 16-04-2020, 01:27 PM   #378
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That sounds really awful. I don't think either of those options would be a good one. If it was the other way around and you were in a clearer headspace and I said I needed to die to save the world I don't think you would be agreeing with me. Even if you don't think that is illness, isn't not eating and drinking and increasing self harm etc unwell behaviours? I wish you would give yourself a break. You're torturing yourself.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 16-04-2020, 04:57 PM   #379
Cacoethes
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The doctor isn't seeing me today
No one knows why
Everyone else has been seen this week
It's so so unfair
I'm really pissed off and had another incident and was manhandled back to the day area
They don't understand



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 16-04-2020, 05:44 PM   #380
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Do you think they might understand better if you did everything they’re telling you to? For example, taking meds, eating and drinking and stopping having incidents. That way, if you do all that and it doesn’t help, you could say “see, told you it was real!” And they may be more inclined to help you in the way that you want them to.

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