Triggering (SI) - I started again

[darkdestiny]

I started cutting again, i went for eight months without doing it i was so proud and i promised myself i would never do it again
Then a couple of weeks ago i stared again i was just so down and i let my feelings get the better of me.
I forgot how good if felt i forgot how much it helps me deal with things. Now it has become an addiction i need it everyday more and more each time, it's like a drug and if i don't do it atleast once a day it's all i can think about and i start to freak out

I feel guilty for cutting and that makes me do it more
Sometimes i wish i could just go to sleep and not wake up leave this world behind

I don't know what to do anymore i've become so broken and weak
I don't know how to get through this
How do i stop the cutting and depression?
How do i keep the will to fight for a life that seems worthless?

[quautia]

Hi DarkDestiny :)

I'm afraid I don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know that I'm a very similar situation to you.

I managed 4 years without selfharming. I had a brief relapse 18 months ago, and one 6 months ago. In the past month, there has barely been a day when I haven't cut.

I can't believe I managed so long without it - going two days without now feels impossible.

When I see my cuts, I often feel guilty and cut more too. Its a vicious cycle.

I don't know how we can stop the cutting and the depression, I suppose sometimes its just a case of putting one foot in front of the other, and focusing on getting through 24 hours alive. Thats what I'm doing, all I'm doing is thinking about today, and how I can stay alive till bedtime. Its not a nice exsistence, but hopefully one day soon, things will change and I'll start feeling alright again.

Sorry I couldn't be more use.

[Wonderland.]

Wow eight months is a great achievement you should be proud of yourself we are.
You must be very strong to get that far.
Have you got a counsellor or anyone you can speak to in real life?
*hugs*
Your not broken and your definatly not weak your stron like i said before.
Slip ups are part of recovery try not to get to down about it as you know you can do it.
We are all here for you.
My PM box is always open.
Amy x

[darkdestiny]

Thanks for both your replys it helps to know someone cares

Well amy i tryed to tall to one of my friends the other day he was supportive about the depression but he doesnt really get the cutting hes thinks it something only emos do

[Velvet]

Eight months is amazing! Just think of the cutting as a symptom that you're facing what is going bad. My Psychologist told me that's it's ok, well not ok but understandable, if I cut while things get really bad because in some way you are facing what's making you cut. That helped with the guilt I felt, even though it became like an addiction. Hang in there sweety. You're amazing!
Do you have a counselor? That's something that really helps. Quautia is right. Just taking it day by day, one step at a time really helps. And when that gets to much, minute by minute. I believe in you. You were amazing enough to do it before, I'm sure you can one day do it again. But don't think on that yet.
Maybe make a print out of this (http://www.selfharm.org.uk/information/why/default.aspa) for your friend. Maybe he can see that it's not because we're "emo" (Hate that word) but because we're in pain.

Good luck. Always just a pm away.
Cuddles
Sarah