So i was referred to the eating disorder service a little while back. i have my appointment in a couple of weeks. It's just like an assessment appointment. To see if they can help me.
Basically i'm just posting about this because i'm really scared.
i'm scared that they'll decide that i'm not ill enough to need any help at all. Which is likely, on a scale of all people with eating disorders mine isn't that "bad". Not saying that i don't have a problem because i know i definitely do but still.
i'm also scared that they will help me. i can't deal with having people trying to make me gain weight or whatever they're going to do at the moment. i'm too fat. i'm desperate to lose weight. Hopefully i'll lose quite a bit before i see them. i'm doing okay at the moment so hopefully a couple of pounds.
i'm scared that they'll think i'm too fat to have an eating disorder. i feel too fat.
It's just an assessment appointment. But i really don't know what to expect. And i'm rubbish at this kind of thing. i'm really bad at talking.
Hugs - Sorry i'm not able to help you with this much but I now the feeling all too well, i'm in the exact same position at the moment... and I too am very anxious about the appointment.
I guess we just need to remember to focus our thoughts before hand about the main problems, the severity of interference they have within our life, what we hope to get from help i.e I wish to be free from the burden of my ED and the daily stress, anxiety and turmoil that comes with it. And I guess just to be 100% honest with them (which i now i'm going to find hard as I can all to easily act fine).
Above all though remember: your issues are just as important as anyone elses, and so is your happiness/ freedom...you deserve this, you deserve to be heard understood and helped just as much.
If it helps write down (i.e bullet points) of the main problems and then you have something to refer to in the assessment if you worried you might buckle under pressure.
Anyhow all the best let me now how yours goes - and as my therapist encourages me, 'try and eat just a little something - even is it's just an apple or letuce' before the appointment just so your brain can function well enough to communicate (not sure if this is a prob for you or not)
COMMUNICATE with them! Tell them your concerns/fears and that you don't want to put on weight. It's not ideal but they can help/support you without you having to put weight on as part of that help and support.
Good luck xx
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Heya. It's good to know that i'm not alone with feeling anxious about this. i suppose it's probably normal to worry.
i really struggle with communicating. i want to be able to talk about things. And i do try. i just find it difficult. i do often write stuff down to give people to read for my appointments. So i should do that for this.
i'm still stressing about this. My depression has been worse lately. i'm coming off my anti depressants. And i've been finding it much easier than normal to restrict my food intake. i just don't want to eat anymore.
Just because I'm smiling it doesn't mean I'm Happy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm not actually sure about that.
I am currently:
Writing it down would be a really good idea, especially if you know it works.
I dont know what to say other than to offer my support. I'm always happy to talk if you want. :)
I can remember going to my assessment over two years ago and feeling EXACTLY the same way. But remember, these people see a wide range of people every single day, in very different situations and at different weights. Really, it doesn't matter to them what weight you are, its pretty insignificant. Their job is to pretty ouch keep you out of danger physically, they aren't their to judge. They also aren't there to make you gain weight, if you do need to gain weight, I can pretty much guarantee their approach will be gentle, and you'll see a dietician who will set you challenges with food, etc. Your recovery, at the end of the day, it up to you - your team aren't going to MAKE you do anything, they are there merely to encourage you to take better control of your eating patterns and behaviours so you can maintain a better quality of life.
Thankyou all for being here for me. Really appreciated.
Really i am just scared. i don't like new experiences. Part of me though really wants help. Not because i want to get better. But because i feel that that would validate my eating disorder.
i just want to go and find out what happens next.
i know that it's stupid and counter productive and not in the least bit necessary but i really want to lose just a little bit of weight before i see them. i guess i feel that if i do that then i have a right to be there.
It's less than a week til my appointment now. i'm really scared. i don't want to get better. i mean i do just not now. i need to lose this weight. At the same time i know that i need this help. i don't know. Everything's such a mess inside my head at the moment. i'm feeling really bad with everything. Everything's a mess, and not just with the eating. But everything affects everything else you know??
just wanted to say im in the exact same situation as you and am too immensely scared! ive not got any advice for you i'm afraid, just thought i would give you hugs!
xxx
Thankyou very very much for the hugs. My appointment is tomorrow morning. i'm really nervous about it. Stressing out quite a lot tonight and feeling really alone with it all.
