Contains illicit drugs - Fresh out of rehab and scared as hell

DthCab4Cutie94 · 21-04-2015, 02:04 AM

So i got out of 30 days in rehab yesterday. They put me on Suboxone Maintenance today and i finally got off the
benzos and Opiates i was using. I'm scared though, i was talking to my mom and just realized that i am so unhappy.
And honestly i can not remember a time when i was. I thought for the past few years that a change of scenery
would make me happy, that marrying my fiancee who is also an addict and turns to be very abusive when using or drinking.
But i never had to or even realized i was so unhappy because i numbed myself with drugs 24/7.
It feels odd to be sober and very uncomfortable. I thought while in rehab i was so ready to go home and i was ok,
but today it hit me like a ton of bricks, i don't know how to be sober and okay.
The longest stretch of sobriety in the past 10 years was 1 year and 4 days and when i relapsed i didn't think
about using but did as if i never knew i was relapsing.
Am i going crazy or is this normal?
Does anyone have any advice on how they go through it?
i look at the steps and am so overwhelmed i can't breathe.im worried i will never be happy and sobriety will never come.
I'm sure i'm stressing and overanalyzing this wayyy to much but that part of me
wants to be okay and do this and my addict brain is awake and screaming.
but i can say this, i've never been able to vocalize my feeling about this so well
as i am right now.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for listening and if you have any advice i would greatly appreciate it. <3

DthCab4Cutie94 · 21-04-2015, 04:34 AM

1. i do indeed i go to Cocaine anonymous every week with my sponsor.
2. Thank you :)
3.Thank you. That helps more than you know.

dragon uk · 21-04-2015, 07:32 AM

first of all well done on completing your rehab. yes what your feeling is normal, think about all the years your addiction has supressed these feelings, you have been self medicating.

unfortunately in the drug treatment world they tend to focus on getting folks 'clean' and not on what led them to use in the first place. I would say attend meetings, contact a counsellor or mental health team, discuss your emotions with them, get the support you need for the reasons you started to use while you have a clear mind to be able to work through those issues.