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Old 06-04-2009, 02:06 PM   #1
beautiful&dying
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Support needed/general venting for myself/partner

Right first off, I'm not well myself. Been on anti depressants for 10 years and been chucked out of the MH services for using everything they have to offer.
However, this isn't about me. My partner is really struggling. Up until now he has always supported me and helped me through the bad times, and I of course want to do the same for him. He's been to see the GP twice and is now just starting his second lot of anti depressants today. He's currently having a sleep as they've made him drowsy.
He's been very hard for me to deal with at times, getting upset, crying, talking about having suicidal thoughts, not sleeping or eating well, finding it hard to do much at all really. I have spent endless hours this weekend talking to him and helping him to see things from a different perspective and trying to remind him he is loved and supported and cared about. However it's very hard for the both of us and we're both close to breaking point at times.
I don't know what I want really. No one can take it away or do anything really. Maybe some support or something, whatever you can give to keep us fighting...anyone who's been through this and has any ideas about how I can support him better would be great. Just thanks for reading.



How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:43 PM   #2
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Hi Helen,

Your best bet is to get back in touch with the MH Services yourself, because re-doing something you've already done (therapy wise) may be more of a help to you now than it was back then, especially as you're supporting Liam aswell as supporting yourself.
Has Liam been referred to the services yet?

Secondly, you need to sort your medication out. Personally, i think a month is too long to see your GP again after cutting down on the meds you're currently on. You need to be monitored on a regular basis when coming off medication that you've been on for a long period of time, and i think it's unwise for you to go through this transition period without the support of your GP/without you being under supervision.

Thirdly - you can't cope with Liam on your own. He NEEDS that extra support outside of your relationship. As you have problems of your own, it simply isn't possible for you to do this unsupported. As you know, at the beginning of any illness it is hell for not only the person suffering but for those around them, and you really need outside support to get through this until the AD's kick in for him.

That's all you really can do..but you both need to help yourselves otherwise you will both continue to go around in circles and neither of you knowing which way to turn.

Laura x

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Old 06-04-2009, 11:18 PM   #3
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^ Agreed.
I don't have much to say I'm afraid, I should have asked the questions you're asking when I was still with my mr.
I'll see what your reply is to Laura and go on from there.
Look after yourself Helen, you're just as important as Liam :)
xxxx



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Old 07-04-2009, 02:20 PM   #4
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In addition to the ADs, is Liam seeing someone--therapist or counselor--for more support? Maybe that would help, then you wouldn't find yourself playing that role for him always--it's not really fair to you, especially when you're struggling with your own stuff.

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Old 07-04-2009, 05:45 PM   #5
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Hmm. I would agree with the above. It sounds like the both of you need to speak to counsellors, seperately, but perhaps also as familly/couples therapy.

*hugs*





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Old 07-04-2009, 06:35 PM   #6
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roiben is right, you both need individual counseling & couples counseling. i'm in a similar situation and it is very hard to help your partner while you have your own issues.

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Old 08-04-2009, 03:25 PM   #7
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Awhh, I'm sorry to hear that hun. I honestly don't know what to suggest, but I'm here for you. xo.



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Old 10-04-2009, 05:16 PM   #8
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Thank you everyone for this, I really appreciate your time, effort and concern, it was just what I needed and I really can't thank you enough. It's only now I've had a chance to check this, as work's been mental all week, so sorry if you thought I didn't care or anything.
Things have gone from bad to worse with both of us. At the moment I don't know if we're going to stay together even, or if he'll be alive much longer. I'm aiming to get him to see the doctor as soon as the bank holiday is over and I plan to do the same for myself, as at the moment I'm as good as another problem. We'll take it from there I guess. At the moment my life involves talking to him, holding his hand and then ending up crying myself. It can't be healthy and I do intend to do something as soon as I can professional wise. I've been trying my best though, I really have, and I would do anything for him and anything to make him better.
Thank you for your kindness and consideration and help xxxxxxxxx



How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
Pixie (my little sister) * QueerFringe (my daughter)* Dreamerandbeliever (my cuddly kitten) * Acrasia (my twinny)
(Currently have left this website so find me here if you want me)


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Old 13-04-2009, 02:54 AM   #9
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keep us posted love?

:smooch:

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Old 17-04-2009, 05:44 PM   #10
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Well, it looks like it's over for us. i've given up trying to work out if we're going to get back together or what, I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. There's nothing I can do except accept that I can't change anything and get on with life as normal as I can. I can't force him to work out what he wants when he's so confused about everything. I guess time will tell. I try suggesting things but there's always an excuse so I'm just out of ideas really. We talk, well, we still live together so we have to, but it's all superficial 'what shall we have for dinner' type stuff. I just keep my head in a book and pretend it's not happening to me. Denial is a beautiful thing.



How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
Pixie (my little sister) * QueerFringe (my daughter)* Dreamerandbeliever (my cuddly kitten) * Acrasia (my twinny)
(Currently have left this website so find me here if you want me)


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Old 18-04-2009, 01:13 AM   #11
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oh sweetheart...

*holds*

I'm sorry. I love you so very much.

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Old 20-04-2009, 02:33 PM   #12
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Aww that's lovely petal, really kind. I could do with a big Monica-hug.
Today he's gone missing. Nothing I can do really except wander round the house worrying and hoping he'll come back...
xxxxxx



How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
Pixie (my little sister) * QueerFringe (my daughter)* Dreamerandbeliever (my cuddly kitten) * Acrasia (my twinny)
(Currently have left this website so find me here if you want me)


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Old 20-04-2009, 04:51 PM   #13
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*big hugs* it's sounding so hard for you at the moment, especially now he's gone off somewhere.
There's only so much you can do though Helen. Did you go to the doctor after bank holiday?
xxxxx



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Old 20-04-2009, 05:14 PM   #14
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I know, it would be a lot easier if he wasn't so stubborn and actually listened to me, there's just no telling him to do anything. I guess in that sense, this thread is pointless now.
I am planning to go to the docs next time I'm not in work, hopefully Weds, and I'll see if I can drag him along. I do have an appointment for next week but need to go sooner really. It's just so hard when I have to be in work and all that.
Thank you again for the help and support xxxxxxx



How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
Pixie (my little sister) * QueerFringe (my daughter)* Dreamerandbeliever (my cuddly kitten) * Acrasia (my twinny)
(Currently have left this website so find me here if you want me)


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Old 20-04-2009, 08:24 PM   #15
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He's still missing. Don't know what to do with myself. Just keep wandering round the house wishing I had someone to talk to.



How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
Pixie (my little sister) * QueerFringe (my daughter)* Dreamerandbeliever (my cuddly kitten) * Acrasia (my twinny)
(Currently have left this website so find me here if you want me)


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Old 20-04-2009, 08:35 PM   #16
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Come on msn helen x

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Old 20-04-2009, 10:44 PM   #17
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That's got to be scary...try and take care of yourself though...Worrying yourself sick won't do any good...keeping distracted I hope?

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Old 21-04-2009, 01:20 PM   #18
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He came back around the 12 mark, he'd decided rather than go to work, he was going to go missing, so packed his bags and buggered off to Camarthen. I don't know what made him come back. By the time he got in I was so stressed out, exhausted from crying and worn down I couldn't even have a proper go at him. I did express how bad it had made me, how I'd wasted my day crying and in a state, and how his behaviour was beyond ridiculous, and how upset I was generally, although I think he could see that.
He went to the doctors this morning but they've done bugger all except sign him off work. Cheers guys.
Now he's over his parents. I woke up to find the house empty again so I texted him and he rang me, just to moan really. I think he thinks he's the only one that's ever felt this way, and no one understands. The truth is, he isnt, and he's probably got more understanding in me than a lot of people get in a lifetime. I suggested he move out for a bit for some space to think and to have one less problem in his life (me) but I don't know if it'll happen. I ended up hanging up on him which I never do to anyone, because I just couldn't take any more of his self indulgent ****.
The end result (note the Jeffrey Lewis reference) is that I've spent yet another day wandering round my house sobbing and wanting my life to go away. I'm going out at 6 to my long suffering students to cry on him, which makes me feel like **** because I hate burdening people, I hate showing emotion and I feel like he's already done more than he should have. Maybe he thinks I'm worth it or something, I don't understand. Of course he doesn't know that I'm mental, because, well, how can you tell that to someone you're supposed to be supporting in a work environment? I shouldn't even really be going over there and crying at him at all, but, **** it, I've got no one else to do it to.
I'm not doing good, needless to say. I don't even know how I'm doing really, just kind of shut down. Play my records, walk round and round crying, wonder what I can do that will actually be any use. Smoke too much. Cut my wrists. If he doesn't care about me, why should I? Listen to lyrics and relate to them better than I can relate to myself. I have no words, no beauty, no smiles for anyone. But I'm still fighting it and have hope that it won't be like this forever.



How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
Pixie (my little sister) * QueerFringe (my daughter)* Dreamerandbeliever (my cuddly kitten) * Acrasia (my twinny)
(Currently have left this website so find me here if you want me)


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Old 22-04-2009, 07:45 PM   #19
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thinking of you dear. You know where I am if you need to vent.

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