Everything hurts

[FindRecovery]

Hi all. So despite my decision for treatment, so far things aren't going so well. It's like my mind is rebelling against the idea of recovery. You'd think it wouldn't be, since my body sure needs it to get healthy, but that's oddly not the case.

Honestly, ever since I've been in treatment, the disordered behaviours have gotten a lot worse. I've been either bingeing/purging or restricting heavily for weeks now, way more than I had been before! Now, everything in my body hurts. My head is constantly pounding, my heart is all weird and fluttery, and I get these random stabbing pains in my chest and stomach all the time. I keep taking painkillers for it all but nothing works. I just want it all to stop, it's hard to function in daily life when you're in physical pain all the time.

Does anyone know what I can do? I know the obvious answer is to just start eating better but you know it's not that easy. Please?

Thank you so much in advance.

- Cover

[marimar]

Hi, so sorry you're feeling like that. Hope there could br an easy way to recovery but unfortunatelly, there is no magic posion. You have to put an effort and make a step forward. It's great that you started treatment. How often do you see your therapist? Maybe you could try opening up and just honestly say that it's not working. Maybe there is some other type of therapy that would be more suitable in your case.
Also, when i was inpatient, i met other anorexic girls for the first time and stated comparing myself with them. It was like a competition and if somebody refused to eat, i'd feel terrible if i did it. I felt like a fraud, like someone's saying "look, she does eat, she's fine, let her go" and i did not wanted to leave. Leaving ment i'd starve myself to death. So i wanted a recovery but sabotaged myself at the same time.
Don't know if this is what you're doing but recovery is not easy and your mind can play games with you until you learn how to control it. The only way to do this is to be honest to yourself (like you already are) and to your doctors
Then i'm sure you'll be able to get back on track with recovery. Good luck!