RYL Forums


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 02-02-2018, 01:04 AM   #52941
Entropy
 
Entropy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
I am currently:

I know I’m pretty lucky nobody drove off in it!!

I am not so good, I had DBT when I finally got there after finding my keys and then literally collapsed asleep with exhaustion when I got home and woke up really disoriented later. I couldn’t work out what day it was or anything for ages and really struggled with sorting out my work for tomorrow and stuff. I’m frustrated with myself for being so useless and unable to get my life under control like everyone else and just do my job properly.




"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"


Entropy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:06 AM   #52942
Serendipity.
fabulous.
 
Serendipity.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010

You're not useless lovely. Dealing with work and such on top of everything else is tough, but you're doing it. You deserve to be proud of yourself instead of beating yourself up for the things you don't manage 'perfectly'. How was DBT? Are you finding it helpful?



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


Serendipity. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:06 AM   #52943
Aubergine
You've got this.
 
Aubergine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
I am currently:

I'm glad you found them, Katie! :) how're you doing?


I know, right?! I've been here 18 months and it's flown by. It's such a lovely, lovely little flat. How funny that you remember me moving so clearly!


Haha. I don't blame you. I can't stand trashy TV. Well, apart from The Apprentice...



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


Aubergine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:08 AM   #52944
Serendipity.
fabulous.
 
Serendipity.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010

The Apprentice is not trashy, it's amazing :P

Tbf, I watch a lot of trash but I won't stoop as low as Real Housewives of Somewhereorother and such :P



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


Serendipity. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:17 AM   #52945
Aubergine
You've got this.
 
Aubergine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
I am currently:

Haha! I really do like The Apprentice! I never really like any of the candidates! I think that's what I like about it. :P



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


Aubergine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:19 AM   #52946
Entropy
 
Entropy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
I am currently:

Thanks Hannah but everyone else can manage so I should be able to. Also I don’t treat other people right all the time and that’s more important. I need to be nice and that means no matter how overwhelmed or anxious I feel I shouldn’t snap or say mean things to people I care about. I am improving I think but it’s not good enough and I’m hurting people and I feel terrible about it. I’m so scared of hurting people that it makes everything feel so much worse.

DBT is helping. I have one to one sessions so I don’t have to miss work which is really good that I was able to access it so I’m really lucky. It’s definitely the right type of therapy for me I think. I find it hard to find time to practise skills and remember often enough between fortnightly sessions though because I don’t currently have my life under control, I just need Bernard’s watch. That would solve my issues.




"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"


Entropy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:24 AM   #52947
Aubergine
You've got this.
 
Aubergine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
I am currently:

Oh Katie. Not everyone else can manage. There are a LOT of people who don't manage at all. I think you're doing exceptionally well considering what you have to cope with day-to-day with your mental health. Someone once told me that managing a mental illness is often like having a full time job, and I think they were right. SO you've got this job of managing your emotions and behaviours ON TOP of dealing with normal life stuff. It's no wonder you feel overwhelmed. Do you know what it would take to get your life under control? What would that look like? I know it's horrible when feelings project onto other people and you get snappy. Have you explained to them? Perhaps they understand. You deserve kindness and encouragement, not punishment or judgement, from yourself or anyone else.



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


Aubergine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:30 AM   #52948
Serendipity.
fabulous.
 
Serendipity.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010

Katie, I think Ducky is very wise. She said lots of what I was going to say but better :P I really think you're doing so well, and I don't think you deserve to be so hard on yourself. EVERYONE struggles sometimes, and everyone takes it out on other people sometimes. It's harder when you have mental health stuff to deal with too, but you deserve to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself when you do make mistakes. I'm glad that DBT is going well. I know it's hard to actually fit in practising skills. Can you try to set aside some time each day or a few times a week to focus on it?



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


Serendipity. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:38 AM   #52949
Entropy
 
Entropy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
I am currently:

Thanks ducky, that is kind. I think to get my life under control I would have my to do lists sorted so I want to buy a pretty list book from paperchase to motivate me to have different lists for work and Home and stuff to help me manage my work but also manage my anxiety around the tasks that I have to do. Having one of those books with multiple lists inside means I can break down my lists into smaller chunks to help them be manageable when I need to so it could be really helpful. This is going to be my first job of the weekend.
Then I would be able to know what I needed to do and when and I could update lists accordingly and even though it would be a lot o wouldn’t panic as much because i would at least know what I had to do rather than now where i am just drowning.

The people I tend to snap at do understand and know the reasons but it doesn’t feel any better. And it’s way too often and too much for them to cope with so they can’t deal with it anymore, I have to hang. I am working so hard to change but I keep doing it wrong and it’s not quick enough. I’m absolutely terrified that I won’t be able to change enough to not lose everything and everyone that matters to me or maybe I can’t change completely because I just have a vile and manipulative personality and that’s who I am. Evil and mean. It’s not an illness, just me. I feel like two people sometimes. There’s this other person in me that appears when I’m anxious and overwhelmed (which is unfortunately a lot) and she takes over and sounds cross or mean and hurts everyone. Then I come back and I’m just so upset and terrified that I’ve hurt people I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.

Also Hannah yes when I get my life under control I will set aside practising DBT time, so as well as the list book I need to sort out scheduling a little better, I usually use my phone but perhaps there’s a better way, diary? Unsure if I would use it properly, but I could try.




"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"


Entropy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 01:51 AM   #52950
Aubergine
You've got this.
 
Aubergine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
I am currently:

Getting yourself organised with lists sounds like an excellent plan. Definitely treat yourself to one of those book from Paperchase. You're not going to drown.


EVERYONE has the potential to change. I truly believe that. Was looking at some research on neural plasticity the other day and how your brain can make new connections a relearn how to do things. DBT will help with that. Do you practice mindfulness as part of that? It is certainly no quick fix, as unfortunately there's no such thing with mental health (or anything worthwhile, really), but it can help you to relearn how to respond to things. You're not evil and mean. You're hurting and poorly, and that's very different. I don't think it's about changing who you are completely - you will still be lovely, kind, funny Katie. You will just be lovely, kind, funny Katie who is also more in control and happier. Your essence won't change, because it doesn't need to. It's wonderful as it is.



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


Aubergine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 12:12 PM   #52951
HopeRises
 
HopeRises's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK

Katie sweetie, I really am sorry you're struggling so much at the moment. I think the list book sounds like a good idea. I need to get back into listing I think.

You are not any of those horrible things, You're kind, and supportive and funny and lovely. Yes, maybe you snap and say/do horrible things but that doesn't make you horrible. It makes you normal tbh as we all do that in some way or another. You will gain more control of it and you have that ability to change that. I do understand where you are coming from though, i've sometimes thought the same about myself. I can be similar..for example, my housemate ****ed off home this week, knowing full well I struggle on my own so my first (and comforting) thoughts was that I'd do the same back, and go home sunday and not come back and give her a miserable week. You can gain control.

Also, you are doing so so well with working.You've got this.

Ducky, how are you?

Hannah, how did you do in the quiz? How are you doing today?

The apprentice is borderline, I enjoy watching it, usually dislike all the candidates, but Lord sugar annoys me so much now. I get what you're saying about "housewives of X,Y,Z" though.



Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in




HopeRises is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 11:23 PM   #52952
Entropy
 
Entropy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
I am currently:

Thanks guys, sorry for whingeing on so much at you all. I hope you're all ok today, does anyone have nice weekend plans?




"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"


Entropy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 11:38 PM   #52953
HopeRises
 
HopeRises's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK

Don't be sorry. I have a trampolining competition tomorrow. Need to get up at 4 although I'm convincing myself I have a blood clot and need to stay awake until I feel ill. Love my mind. Then I have a date on Sunday.

How are you?



Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in




HopeRises is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 11:49 PM   #52954
Entropy
 
Entropy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
I am currently:

getting up at 4 sounds horrific tbh. how far do you need to travel for the competition?? ooh a date how exciting, where are you going on this date?
I'm fairly sure you don't have a blood clot so it's safe to sleep, I promise.

I'm anxious, but ok. Had a better day today and I'm being a slightly better version of me I hope. Well I'm trying at least. I don't know if I'm doing it right. I'm just so scared.




"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"


Entropy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2018, 11:53 PM   #52955
Aubergine
You've got this.
 
Aubergine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
I am currently:

No need to apologise, Katie. How're you doing? What are you going to be doing with your days off?


Hey Leigh. Get up at 4am?! That's mad. I hope the competition goes well! I'm sure you haven't got a blood clot. What makes you think that you have? Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from the thoughts? It's OK to sleep. Honestly.


I'm tired. Got sent home from work today because it wasn't really safe for me to be there. I kept making mistakes, which I rarely do. Now I'm panicking I'm going to get the sack! I love my job. Weekend plans include Mum coming to see me tomorrow and a walk on the beach, weather permitting. I like the smell of the seaside. Sunday I'm on toddlers church team. :)



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


Aubergine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2018, 12:02 AM   #52956
HopeRises
 
HopeRises's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK

I have pins and needles in one leg and all my veins in that leg are sticking out. I'm sure it's psychosomatic but my veins in my calf are really thredy and bulgy. I think it's just cause my fear of having a blood clot and then a stroke. Watching friends and will hopefully manage to sleep soon.

I'm positive you won't get the sack. People make mistakes and the kind of mental stress you've been under lately, would be taken in consideration if anything was to come of it. Like you said, you rarely do it. You will be okay.

A weekend walk on the beach sounds nice.



Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in




HopeRises is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2018, 12:05 AM   #52957
Entropy
 
Entropy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
I am currently:

it's going to be ok ducky, if i remember rightly your manager is really supportive? you won't get sacked! you are poorly and it's important that you went home for your own safety and wellbeing too. Try not to worry. Is there anyone from work you can talk to over the weekend to ease your worries? Your weekend plans sound lovely though so that should help to keep you occupied and hopefully calm.

I have a teaching union equalities meeting tomorrow morning but i'm going to go early so I can go to the bank and hopefully find paperchase and buy myself a new list book. I also found a page a day diary in the sale this evening so i have one of those too that i can try to use and see if i find that helpful. If i treat myself to exciting stationery then i will definitely want to get my life under control! I am also going to see some comedy with jenna tomorrow evening and will have to get on with a lot of work on sunday to be ready for next week =/




"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"


Entropy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2018, 12:13 AM   #52958
Aubergine
You've got this.
 
Aubergine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
I am currently:

I hope watching friends helps and that you're able to get some rest soon.


Oh stationery! I love it. My favourite bit of going back to school every September was going to choose my new pencil case and things to put in it. <3 I hope you enjoy browsing paperchase and get what you need. It's going to be OK. You're going to be OK. You're too determined not to be.


I messaged my manager to say thank you for being patient with me. She said this: "You’re worth it. You are an intelligent young lady and you bring so much more than you realise to our team. Hope you have a good sleep. Night night ."


So perhaps it'll be OK. I feel so terrible at my job at the moment. I haven't been as good at it since starting the med change. Hopefully the lack of concentration and sleep will start to improve soon.



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


Aubergine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2018, 12:21 AM   #52959
Entropy
 
Entropy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
I am currently:

It will definitely be ok, she sounds lovely and thinks a lot of you (because you deserve it). I do understand the feeling of being terrible at your job, but I'm sure you're not being terrible - I think minds can play tricks on us too and if things feel different or we aren't living up to our own very high standards of ourselves then we can be really harsh on ourselves and criticise and think we are rubbish at our jobs when actually we are just human and reacting to our difficult circumstances the best we can.

I hope you manage to get some sleep soon Leigh!

I always enjoy paperchase, I don't know if I will be ok though. I'm not sure about determined... stubborn maybe... I really don't know anymore, I think i've had enough again. I don't want to do it anymore, I'm too exhausted to fight.




"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"


Entropy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2018, 12:32 AM   #52960
Aubergine
You've got this.
 
Aubergine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
I am currently:

Thank you. I'm getting really worked up, so have phoned the crisis team answering service asking for a call back. I'm being so needy at the moment. It's a joke. The past month has been a nightmare. I'm scared it'll never stop and that I'll never be OK again. I keep being reassured that it's the medication and it should settle after a couple more weeks. What if they're wrong though?


You will be OK. Determined/stubborn, doesn't matter as long as whatever it is helps to see you through this. You will get through it. It's worth the fight, really it is. I know you're tired and need a rest. That rest will come through healthy things though, which is how it is supposed to be. You can do this.



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


Aubergine is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


Sea Pink Aroma
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 09:40 AM.