triggering signatures: last SI/ last OD...

[Mimsy]

I'll put my thoughts in here...

I can understand why some people do it, to have a little reminder of how well theyre doing- thats brilliant, for them. But- when you're essentially having to update it every day this surely isnt a reminder of recovery. When I first came on the site, I seriously thought that if it was so recent that people were proud of that fact.

The thing is, we're all here as one big community to help each other out. With the ultimate goal of stopping altogether, so that one day (if we wanted) everyones signatures could say 'recovered'. I know that this is unrealistic. But- since we're here for recovery, maybe the way we say it and put things in our signatures should be thought about a little more.

Dunno, just my quick thoughts xx

[Doesnt_matter]

Hi everybody,
I am so relieved that I am not the only one with feeling triggered/ annoyed by these sigs.
I like to read your opinions and I like how peaceful this discussion is (by the way, I am positively surprised how constructive any discussion on RYL is).

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Aidey~

I personally have mixed feelings about it. I don't like the "Last lists" and I believe that they shouldn't be in peoples signatures. I think they are unfair to all the supportive people here who may be trying to help someone only to see that they've SId/ODd anyway, which can be very discouraging for people trying to give support. I also think that they can seem very "pro" even if they aren't meant to be that way.

However, I do think that the "tickers" are ok as they are more recovery oriented, but only when people already have 30 days of recovery.

So basically, I don't think anyone should have last lists or tickers unless it's been more than 30 days since their "last whatever" and they are actively trying to recover.

Oh, that is a very good point. Sometimes it is sad to see that someone cut just today or yesterday after you tried your best and tried to write some encouraging and helpful words.
I know that words cannot do any magic but in most cases they are the only thing you can do for other members (although sometimes all somebody needs is a real hug or someone who is just there).

I feel like these tickers sigs like "30 days since my last cut" are more recovery related and as far as I know they are changed automatically, aren't they?
I know that many members do not want to recover (for example, I do not want to stop SI completely (or at least not yet) but someone who changes her/ his sig every day, in order to write the latest date...well, that is showing it sooo obviously (and like many people have mentioned: triggers others extremely).

I know that changing rules is a tough decission (like we see in the ED board) but sometimes changes are not bad (like forbiding pro ana sigs and avatars and for me the last SI- sigs are very similar to them).

[Ghostface]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3 inches from the edge

Hmmm i never thought it would trigger :s I thought it maybe considered as motivation to recover , i'll remove it oh hide it,

Take care xx

Same here...But ive removed it now.

[Auror.]

I think the great thing about this site is the fact that people who are in all stages of recovery (even not wanting to recover) can come here and feel comfortable. I feel like that's something we don't want to lose, but at the same time, we want to keep everyone feeling safe. Obviously different things trigger every person, but that's why we do have the trigger warnings and hide labels.

I don't know. I don't like advertising my self harm or my ed, so posting my last dates is not something I would ever do. That would be to me like posting my current weight and BMI and calories I've eaten. It just seems really "pro" to me.

I'm rambling...

[surprising mystery]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lanny

I have a suggestion to this. Instead of the "last cut/OD" dates in signatures, what about things like "2 months free" or something like that. It means people can still keep track and they hopefully won't be as triggering to some people. I think it's quite inspiring too, more concentrating on how long people have been free other than the last time they've cut? I still don't completely understand what is triggering, but I would like to have a happy medium about this, instead of one extreme.

Exactly what I was gonna say, the way it should be looked at is the positive side, I dont like the individuality of last burn, last cut, last purge, it doesnt sound recovery oriantated because it focuses too much on the negative, and becomes slightly obsessive.

Im all for celebrating SH free-ness, but it does seem a bit attention seeking to have it all writtian down, I mean, it shouldnt matter how often someone SH's as to how much support they get anyway.

I also dont think its fair that someone should have to turn off sigs just cause a few are triggering.

Carmen said: I don't know. I don't like advertising my self harm or my ed, so posting my last dates is not something I would ever do. That would be to me like posting my current weight and BMI and calories I've eaten. It just seems really "pro" to me.

I agree with that, where do you draw the line? cos if someone can put 1 day restriction free, why cant another put 3 days since restricting to x cals

As for having them in the profile, thats fine, a person has to click on that profile, whereas in a sig, its in your face every time the person posts.

I also agree with Ko Flo in that last SI is better than last cut, cos you dont seriously need to be so specific.

So yeah, all for the 3 weeks free (and I cant see how people can complain, because its the same as last SI x/x/xx just in a more positive recovery enhancing format)

Mimsy said: When I first came on the site, I seriously thought that if it was so recent that people were proud of that fact.

I thought that to :/

xxx

I know this might sound a bit weird, but maybe some people like showing it off? [I'm not aiming this at anyone, I'm just thinking].
Like, a week free *puts in sig* Hell yes, everyone will know I'm a week free or something?

I don't like the ones where they have like; Last cut ; last night :sadsmiley:

Cuzthat seems really bad.

Also, some people might want to show the whoe forum how well they're doing instead of having it in their profile? Cuz I for one don't rearlly go on anyones profiles, or the moving forward part of the forum,
Sorry,im tired & my language shkills are failing, so i'll leave this ehre & im sorry if i kidna sounded like a bitch.

[fitofdestiny]

*sighs* Look, I realize that some people are easily triggered, but seriously... this is a recovery forum FULL of people who have THE SAME ISSUES you do. People are bound to accidently trigger each other and everything you do is bound to be found triggering by SOMEONE. It's getting to the point where you can't ask for help without someone flipping out that you triggered them. Look, people come on here for help and need to be able to be open and honest about who they are and feel like they can actually TALK about whats going on with them without being constantly afraid that they might be 'triggering' someone else. If you are finding yourself easily triggered, you should only come onto the forums to post when you are asking for help. Otherwise you should avoid them because other people who are having problems at the moment might trigger you. You should only really come on here to help and support others during times when you are, yourself, feeling strong and not easily triggered.

Sorry, just my opinion.

[troubled_sorrowz]

I personally don't like the "lasts" in the sigs. It's not that I find them triggering or anything...

Mimsy said: When I first came on the site, I seriously thought that if it was so recent that people were proud of that fact

Me too!! If your proud of it - each to their own, but that is not focusing on recovery and I don't think it's what RYL represents.

I have to agree with Carmen though... Why should people be allowed to put "last cut/burn XX/XX/XXXX" but not "last binge/purge/fast XX/XX/XXXX"?! If the "last cut" date can be said to be positive/motivation then I don't see why the same logic can't stand for the "binging/purging" date. At the end of the day that could be our motivation. Don't get me wrong, I still don't like it in the sigs, Im just stating that I don't think it's fair to say that we can put one thing and not the other. Its not a fair balance and it kind of feels, in my opinion, like we (those of us with an ED) have stricter rules. Im not very good at putting words together so Im not trying to sound bitchy or anything there.

I think the best ideas so far are from Flo and Cam. "X months free" and using "SH" instead of "cut/burn". I think it would be far less triggering and alot more recovery focused.

[Bleeding Angel]

its ones like these that bug the hell outa me
Example

Last Cut - 18th March

I mean, ugh yes people get upset if they cut and stuff but it doesnt need to be brodacsted everywhere.

fitofdestiny i understand where you are comming from but i dont think its that bad, yes pics, sigs, what you say can be put into question and be triggering, its why people have to learn to put posts in the right places with the right warining so people are aware of the contenet, and not have pics that involve cutting and bleeding for example.

i understand where you are comming form, there was a debate a while ago about usernames names, weather words like bleeding, or razor ect where triggering, now that was stupid.

As for the ed ones, im sure ive seen a few about with last binge and all that, but i do agree that all of them should not be allowed, only recovery ones

[x-dying-inside-x]

i agree, ive been thinking about this for a long time.
it can trigger and probly does trigger people.
troubled sorrowz i agree 100% about the whole last purge etc, i mean i think its like one rule for some people are one rule for another. i think people shoulded be aloud to have it in there sigs at all.

[all-hope.lost-forever]

But even possitive ones could easily trigger someone too.. Like if someone puts they've been si free for 3 weeks or something and the person who is reading it hasnt got that far yet that can also be triggering as they'd think/ be wondering why others can do it and not themselves..

[ashleighbean]

i removed mine.
i understand why ppl feel that way about it.
and to me they were triggering even though i put mine up...i dont no why...so i removed it.

[Twisted Fate]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitofdestiny

*sighs* Look, I realize that some people are easily triggered, but seriously... this is a recovery forum FULL of people who have THE SAME ISSUES you do. People are bound to accidently trigger each other and everything you do is bound to be found triggering by SOMEONE. It's getting to the point where you can't ask for help without someone flipping out that you triggered them. Look, people come on here for help and need to be able to be open and honest about who they are and feel like they can actually TALK about whats going on with them without being constantly afraid that they might be 'triggering' someone else. If you are finding yourself easily triggered, you should only come onto the forums to post when you are asking for help. Otherwise you should avoid them because other people who are having problems at the moment might trigger you. You should only really come on here to help and support others during times when you are, yourself, feeling strong and not easily triggered.

Sorry, just my opinion.

I couldn't agree more! I like the lists that are for a long time. It reminds me that recovery is posssible which is something I often forget and need to be reminded. They give me hope that if others can go a long time without cutting or something then it's possible to me to do the same.

[vandervecken]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twisted Fate

I couldn't agree more! I like the lists that are for a long time. It reminds me that recovery is posssible which is something I often forget and need to be reminded. They give me hope that if others can go a long time without cutting or something then it's possible to me to do the same.

You could have exactly the same effect if people simply put "1 month/year free", or if there was an icon (e.g. a pic of the recovery braclets) available in the signature for people to choose to have shown. Same effect, less trigger...

[Ami]

i think its a nice idea to have
one week free
two weeks free
one month free

etc and so on. its more positive. and say you can only start at one week, if you are actively trying to recover.

i dont think it is pro, but sometimes it seems like people are proud of the fact they have SI-ed. After a certain time it can be a nice reminder though especially if the person cant mark it elsewhere

sometimes if i see someone with "nearly 3 months" or whatever, i have an urge to say well done :)X

[~invisible~girl~]

I hadn't noticed the ones with crying or stuff before, but I just saw a few of those last night, and I can definitely see where people are coming from about those. Partly it just draws more attention to it, but then it also makes it seem like it's clearly a negative thing. If it's just a date, then I usually assume that the person is proud of how long it's been or whatever, even if it's only been a day or two, but when there's tears or a sad face or whatever then it changes it to "I'm a failure," and I can't imagine why people would want to announce that in their signature unless they're on some level proud of "failing." It's almost like advertising that they're not able to stop, rather than showing that they're at least trying.

[Bleeding Angel]

^^ exactly, it also goes the same for the ones that have thier dates scored out and a new one added.

But its also, i was looking at a few today and the dates hwere within a day or two of todays date, there is no point in that

[~invisible~girl~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doesnt_matter

signatures like "last binge/ purge/ restrict" are forbidden

Is there a thread about that somewhere? Cause I've looked, and I can't find any references to those being forbidden anywhere other than this thread, and I've seen quite a few of those in signatures recently...

[~invisible~girl~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bleeding Angel

^^ exactly, it also goes the same for the ones that have thier dates scored out and a new one added.

I think crossing out dates is somewhat different, especially if there's a long time in between. At least the way I think about recovery, I consider cutting less often in general a better focus than just how long since the last time, and I think that something like having gone for six months without cutting, and then cutting once a few days ago, the six months would still be something to be proud of, and one slip up shouldn't just erase that. So, um, I'm not sure how coherent that was, but the point is that I see crossed-out dates as potentially recovery-oriented as long as there aren't too many.

[simmie]

i hadnt thought of that.. i only changed it the other day as i thought it was a good idea so i could keep track and other people could see how each other were doing. but i'll delete it.