Triggering (SI) - my life...needed to get this off my chest

[sochocgoalie]

well middle school was the general bullying and calling names

highschool- freshman year i was bullied alot

summer before 10th grade= the bahamas trip
well me and 3 teammates shared a room in the alantis hotel on paradise island in the bahamas. we were there for a tournment and our coach decided that he didnt need to tell us where his room was. So we were all having a grand old time, at least until the last night. I was in my room with 2 of my roommates, the third didnt come in til we were asleep, packing. Then we got tired and went to sleep, wondering where the third roommate was. The next morning, i woke up and heard shivering, screaming, crying, sobbing, and look around. There on the bed next to me, is my team mate, my fellow goalie, shaking like a leaf and sweating like mad. I quickly head over to my other room mates and ask them what happened, they didnt kno. then my teammate spoke up, she said 'took pills....bathroom.....all of them." so i headed to the bathroom to find the pills she was talking about. There were empty bottles every where, all of which were full the night before, it was then that i realized that she wasnt just sick, she was planning to die, she wanted to die, it was a suicide attempt. I head back over to my other roommates and one of them is on the phone, calling for an ambulence. I run over to the captians room to ask them if they knew where coaches room was, they didnt. They followed me to my room and gasped when they saw what happened. They told us to wait in the hallway and gather up the team, we did as we were told. I then went down stairs to the lobby to see if i could ask the front desk what my coaches room was, once they told me a sprinted to his room. I told him what happened and he followed me to my room, he tried to get us to leave the room, but i couldnt, not when i felt like it was my fault that this happened, what if i was awake when she came in, whould she have attempted, or would she have just calmed down. I had to know that she was going to be ok. When the EMT people finally came, i was so scared, cause she could barely breath on her own, she had to be hooked up to an oxygen tank. and then she was lifted on to a streatcher and taken to the nearest hospital.

Last summer,
My brother thought i would be fun to drink all night in mexico, since it was an all inclusive hotel and he didnt have to pay for drinks. Well on the last night of the trip i go into our room early cause i wanted to get some packing down. I was starting to dose off when i heard screaming outside my room, i recognized that voice, it was my brother. He came in to my room, stumbling everywhere and swearing like mad. Screaming at the top of his lungs, he collapsed on to his bed. I was so scared that i didnt know what to do, do i tell my parents or do i let it slide. Ten minutes later, i hear him coughing and throwing up, now i knew it was serious and that he could die, so i ran out of my room, not caring that i was only dressed in my pjs and told my parents what happened. My dad told me to stay with my mom, and he spent the night with my brother. Sometimes i think that it was my fault that that happened, what if i went to the show with them that night, he wouldnt have been at the bar all night, he wouldnt have gotten so drunk. They tell me that i saved his life, but they never thanked me for it. But what ever, its not important.

This summer
I had a death threat against me a month ago, the same time i was trying to stop my habit. the death threat said this "Jenna i was only ur friend cause i was forced to be, in realilty i think that u are a f***ing lepercan with a lisp who should f*** off and die."

this school year...
4 people i knew died, 6 almost died, i saved a life...my parents threatened to admit me into a hospital if i dont quit cutting....my girlfriend broke up with me on sunday....i have a memorial service to go to on this coming sunday and i dont kno how i am going to cope....

sorry had to rant a bit...ill shut up now
I guess i must be one unlucky person for all of to have happened...

[rainbow.love]

wow.
sounds like you have an enormous amount of stuff on your plate.
im so sorry you've had to deal with so much in these past few years, you dont deserve to have to handle this much stress and greif.
if there is anything i can do, please let me know, i'd love to be of help any way possible.
im sorry im being a bit useless, i dont really know what to say, besides that i will always be here for you if you EVER need.
feel free to PM me anytime <33

[missktk]

aww Jenna.... I'm so sorry that all that happenned to you. You're a wonderful, caring person and you didn't deserve all that. I'm always a pm away or anything. And thanks for helping me out these last few nights.

~katie

[turbotheturtle]

Sounds like you had a rough one. I am sorry....
I hope everything gets better soon.
You can always talk to me ya know. if you need someone to talk to. I am a good listener.
=]

[mel16]

You will get thru it
you have helped me so much already....i am here for you
give yourself so credit and think more positive
HOPE FAITH LOVE

[sochocgoalie]

thanks for all of the replies....i gave my blade away today so idk how to cope anymore....ive tried so many distractions but they dont seem to work.....these are the distractions that i have tried......

rubber bands, playing with my dogs, talking to people, watching tv, movies, music, writing, reading, games, walking, exercise........

[sochocgoalie]

more **** just happened....2 of my friends attempted suicide this week....they both live in different countries........****

[sochocgoalie]

life has become too much...i wrote my note....****ing ****

[rainbow.love]

sweetie, you can make it through this, youve gotta stay strong.
please PM me, or add me onto msn or something so we can talk, im worried *hugs*

[JustAGirl]

Hun this is a terrible time for you but it will get better!
You have made it this far I know you can make it all the way.
The bad times cant last forever.
PM me anytime you want im always here
Stay strong and take care!
<3 xxx

[mandi_the_fallen_angel]

aww im sorry that happened to you.

[sochocgoalie]

i just came home from being in patient for a week and now i have to meet a new social worker, psychiatrist, therapist, college therapist, family therapist, im starting college soon, and intensive out patient stuff and i hate meeting new people.........

[flinchybird]

i'm sorry ,. i wish i could do more

[musik-addikt]

i'm so sorry i wish i could help you.
-hug-
PM me anytime