Triggering (SI) - hating wanting to cut
i hate this so much, here i am at 3am lying in bed wanting to sleep but i can cuz i want to cut so badly it's all i can think of. but i cant i'm going to stop, i need to, and even if i cant i still cant cut now, i'm home on break, my parents cant know it's still happening, i'm going to india in a week and a half with a class, i cant cut i cant be sent home or let those people know. but all i want to do is cut, nothing's wrong, at least not anything too specifiv right now, i'm just trying to deal with everything that happened this semester, but i should be happy and relaxed now, and i am, i just want to cut, sooooooooooo badly, i want to cut or burn or die i want to close my eyes and hold my breath and make a wish and never wake up, but i cant do that so now i just want to cut, i want to bleed, a lot.
what is wrong with me, i hate cutting, i hate who i am, i think this is dumb and gross and sad, but i need it i need it so badly, and i love it i loev it as much as i hate it i'm a mess.
|