Triggering (SI) - New here, my story...less then 24hr SI wounds. *graphic*

[Razorblade.Bandaid]

Me: Female
Age: mid 20's

First time I cut was last year. I was in alot of emotional pain, and, inflicted about 8 razor slashes into my arm. As well as, bad finger injuries.

Feelings: When I cut I felt 100% better, I felt like I was floating..like I was high on a cloud with feelings of satisfaction, control, accomplishment, and, ecstasy. I fell in love with this way of removing the deep emotional pain and turmoil.

Result: lots of blood everywhere, scaring, wishing I never did it....My boyfriend upset and angry with me...watching me in case I cut again.

I did but only once... just minor.

Yesterday: Drank too much. Wanted to cut. Smashed my hand into my glass.. it shattered slicing up my fingers. My baby finger bled pretty badly....everywhere.
My boyfriend was also drunk and freaking out trying to stop the bleeding.

Feelings: Calm, happy, floating, ecstasy, satisfaction.

Result: I was covered in blood. My legs.. my arms.. face.. all over my hands... tons of laundry to do..... and pretty messed up hands. A baby finger that looks terrible and hurts. My boyfriend upset with me.

Before finally going to sleep used a razor to slash my thigh 2 times... saw blood.. felt great.

I do not like to cut.
I do not like the scars.
I do not like to upset my boyfriend.

I do not like the pain I feel inside...all the time.

[_plastic]

Welcome to the RYL !

Feel free to post at the forums as much as you want and when you want .Make yourself feel comfortable [= we're kind members :P

See you around soon !

Be safe x

[racell]

hey hun, continue to fight it.
u're not alone.
*hugs*

[jdpasino]

do you know why you feel so much pain inside?we are all here

[typsee]

Hi RB,

Welcome to RYL!

You've found a great website to join if you have problems with self injury due to alot of emotional pain inside - many many people here at RYL can relate to that experience.

If you decide to stay here, I'm sure that at RYL you will find some support and help for yourself with regards to that inner emotional pain that gives you a reason to cut - we have alot of members here who have valuable advice and experiences to share with the rest of the community.

I look forward to getting to know you better RB, and hope you find RYL a helpful place to be a part of.

[Cazki]

Hello and welcome to ryl firstly id like to say well done for posting as its not always easy to post how you feel. Sometimes it takes alot of courage. Im so sorry to hear that your feeling like this. Please keep fighting through this please dont give up ok. You can get through this i know you can. We are all here to support you, through this difficult time ok.

Please dont cut yourself it wont solve anything it just makes you want to cut more and then things could get a whole lot worse. I really dont want to see you get worse than what you already are. Whaqt you should try to think of is a way to recovery, like setting yourself achievable goals i know its difficult but it can be done. So many people on here have done it and you can be another one.

Please stay strong, but its important that you dont give up, i know that when you feel like giving up there are so many different feelings going through your mind and that it seems the easiest option but its not. As time goes by you will get better it will take time but you can do it. Please keep posting and talking to us if you need to.

Take care best wishes Ian xxxx

[Dreaming.]

Firstly, a huge welcome to RYL, and I hope that you find what you're looking for.

It sounds like you're going through a lot, from your post - but the way that you expressed it was very interesting. It was like, you were looking at both the short-term (i.e. what you were feeling at the time) and the long-term (what the impact was) - that is something that a lot of people, myself included, lack, and really shows insight.

Excuse me if I'm wrong, but it seems that from your post you're saying that you've only really cut twice - is that true? If so, what is it, do you think, that made you cut again last night?

Maybe, you could find some way to help yourself - for example, to feel something similar to those feelings you get from self-harm, without damaging yourself so much? For example, when you say:
Feelings: Calm, happy, floating, ecstasy, satisfaction.
Maybe you could think of other alternatives - a warm bath with some scents? A glass of wine? A decent film? Maybe even sex?
I don't know, but some alternatives to cutting that could help you to feel as positive as you did with cutting, without the negative side-effects.

It seems that your boyfriend cares a lot for you - are you able to talk to him about what you're going through, and does he understand? You said that you are upset - have you tried identifying in what way? It seems from your post that you are aware of your feelings - maybe you could try to write down the feelings you have before you cut as well, to try and find ways of coping with them? There is a big distraction list here, some of which I have found to be very helpful, also.

Take care, and look after yourself,

Joanna x