Suicidal Friend

[Maze]

My best friend has been struggling with depression and anxiety for about 2-3 years now, and more recently paranoia, suicidal thoughts, and distructive urges. For most of this time I've been her only support, with her parents being frustratingly reluctant to accept her illness.

She's trying to find a therapist that accepts her insurance plan, and is a few weeks into trying new medication. She's getting really desperate. She texted me today upset because she didn't want to self harm, but she feels like has to. I suggested she go on a forum like this and talk to people who are going through the same thing, but I guess I was too pushy, because she stopped talking to me. She said she's too paranoid to talk to anyone about it.

So I'm here after running out of ways to help her for advice. I've been careful about what I say to her, but her paranoia is getting to the point where she barely trusts me anymore. I need to find a better, more educated way to help her. Does anyone have suggestions on what to tell her when she's feeling suicidal or wants to self-harm? And are there good resources she can use maybe online on her own until she can get a therapist?

On another note, she has urges to smoke, and has thought about starting vaping as a safe alternative. Is this a good idea? Or would that only encourage her urges to smoke for real?

[HopeRises]

Firstly I want to say it is great your trying to help your friend. I know how tough that can get so make sure you're looking after yourself as well.

Online stuff, there are apps which have mindfulness and things on it where you don't have to communicate you just need to listen. I don't know how much that would help at the moment as it's hard to do when your unwell but, I guess you can suggest it/she can look into it. Personally I found/find forums really helpful but can understand that being tough when your paranoid. I guess, the main thing and my main suggestion for you is just let her know you're there to listen to her when/if she wants to talk. I think its great that you're trying to educate yourself on how to help her and their is some good stuff online, particulalry from Blurt. Quick google should bring it up.

With the vape.. i know people who have never smoked and just vape and haven't gone on to smoke/want to smoke and I know people who smoked and went on to vaping. I probably wouldn't encourage it- at the end of the day your still putting chemicals into your lungs and 'vaping' may seem like a safer way but your still putting stuff in your body that you probably shouldn't.

Sorry I don't really have any good suggestions but, I think its good your trying to help her. Make sure you look after yourself and I hope she starts seeing some positive movements soon.

[Sooty]

It's great that you are getting some advice in supporting your friend. You sound like such an amazing friend. Unfortunately it sounds like what she needs most at the moment is professional help. There's lots of online bits and pieces but ultimately she needs some help from a mental health professional. Just being there is the most important part of having a supportive friend in my opinion. The times my friend has helped me most is when she came round and we just sat and watched TV together, we didn't talk, we didn't cuddles we just sat in each other's company and didn't engage with each other and it was the most comfort she could provide me at that time as I knew she was just there. Her presence was strength enough to keep me going. Best of luck and keep strong. Take care of you too!

Sophie.x

[Maze]

@HopeRises: I think she's tried apps before, but I'm not sure what she's tried. I'll have to see. And I'll definitely look into that Blurt website. I've talked to her about the vaping since then, and she wants to get as safe and non-toxic as possible if it comes to that. No nicotine, and I think it's just water vapor? But glad to know it probably won't encourage real smoking.

@Sooty: It's good to hear just being there for her helps. I know it does, but sometimes I need assurance that I am helping just being there. I wish I better knew what to say when she is having a suicidal episode, though. I try to be as supportive as I can, but I don't always know what to say.

Thanks to both of you for your responses!!