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Old 09-01-2020, 02:57 PM   #361
tamobhuuta
 
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I've no idea what would help. I am on the edge of cutting. Would it be pathetic to phone my CPN?



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Old 09-01-2020, 03:03 PM   #362
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It would be quite the opposite of pathetic, Tamo! I think you said earlier that you would phone him before you did anything so you should stick to that plan rather than cutting.

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Old 09-01-2020, 03:28 PM   #363
one_step_closer
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I agree with NP. Your CPN is there for times like this. Please use his support if you need it.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 09-01-2020, 03:55 PM   #364
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I texted him, couldn't face a phone call. He hasn't replied yet.



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Old 09-01-2020, 03:58 PM   #365
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Well done, I'm glad you reached out in the way that you were able to at the moment. Maybe you will be able to speak to him on the phone at another point. How are you getting on?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 09-01-2020, 04:01 PM   #366
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I'm holding out. Don't know how much longer. I'm going to try some distractions, some colouring and wordsearches. I really hope A texts me back.



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Old 09-01-2020, 04:53 PM   #367
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I phoned him but he didn't pick up. My head is saying that means I have permission to cut.



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Old 09-01-2020, 04:58 PM   #368
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((hugs)) Well done for phoning him, is there a duty team on hand you can speak to?







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Old 09-01-2020, 05:10 PM   #369
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No, they all go home at 5pm, and it's not dangerous so I don't want to bother the MH line



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Old 09-01-2020, 05:41 PM   #370
one_step_closer
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Your head is wrong about that being permission to cut, and I'm sure your CPN would hate for you to think that he was giving you permission to cut. If you're not coping please phone the MH line if you need to.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 09-01-2020, 05:55 PM   #371
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I had a text from A. He reminded me I am in control and to use my skills I learned in therapy. He says he will phone tomorrow after lunch.

I just had a little cry.



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Old 09-01-2020, 06:25 PM   #372
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You are doing great, hold on and this will pass. Did it help to cry? Are you managing to use your skills? I hope it helps to talk to A tomorrow.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 09-01-2020, 06:58 PM   #373
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I was using my skills already. I think it helped to cry but I was still very agitated so I had some PRN. I think I can put plans to SH or OD on hold. A friend just phoned and we had a good talk.



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Old 09-01-2020, 07:30 PM   #374
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I'm glad you have friends you can talk to, keep talking to them if you're able. PRN is also ok, you've been fighting hard already.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 10-01-2020, 11:45 AM   #375
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I went to Confession. I've decided to try not to SH or OD. I will be honest with A and my parents.



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Old 10-01-2020, 01:32 PM   #376
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I want to end it but I know God doesn't want me to. This is hard.



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Old 10-01-2020, 01:40 PM   #377
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It is hard, but please keep being honest with people so they can help you through this. No one wants you to die and you probably don't want it either underneath all this it's just hard to see and feel that right now. What can you do today to try and manage?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 10-01-2020, 04:09 PM   #378
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The OD thoughts are strong again but I can't do that right now so I need to SI. My CPN phoned me earlier and I said things were better but just now I've been searching for costs and train times, even though L has my card and money.



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Old 10-01-2020, 05:13 PM   #379
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Do you really think SI will help though? What can you do instead to ride this out? Would speaking to your parents help?

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Old 10-01-2020, 06:17 PM   #380
one_step_closer
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Please talk to someone, you said you were going to keep being honest with people and you do have a lot of people around who care and are willing to support you. I know it's really painful but you don't have to do anything dangerous to get through this.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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