Is it wrong if u dont care about your cutting anymore?
The last 2, 3 months its like i dont care about my cutting no more. I just want to hack my body to bits. But no matter how much i cut or how much they blood its not enough, but i dont know what enough is. If any of this makes sence. I just need to hurt my body, and i dont care about the cuts at all, i just need more............................
Just because I'm smiling it doesn't mean I'm Happy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm not actually sure about that.
I am currently:
I know how you feel, it can be really hard to care sometimes. It can help if you think about the other people you hurt, so you have a reason to stop... It doesnt work as well though... Dont know what else to say really. Stay safe. :)
I've been there too. Unfortunately, I don't know how to start caring either. It just… catches up with me eventually. And it will start to matter again, sometime, someday, even though it might not for a while and it might feel like it never will. I know what it's like to feel like nothing matters and that the scars and cuts don't matter and wont matter because you can hide them right? I mean, it's not like you don't already wear covering clothes what will some more secrets matter? But they will matter.
I have found, for me, that doing things like being with little children helps. I volunteer at an Elementary school and being around kindergartners has helped me remember how I would never want them to grow up to cut and once, someone looked at me any my peers and wished we would never grow to hate ourselves either. I think about how I would love to be able to roll up my sleeves and paint one day and when they hug me (because kindergartners hug all the time!!) I don't want to be afraid that they notice a bandage under my sleeves or my flinching at the contact.
Any ways, making a list of personal reasons not to harm, like things that harming will interfere with one day (relationships, kids, jobs, activities, etc) can help. Build up this list over time so it is personal and detailed.
I hope things get better for you soon, I'm sure you know it even if you don't always believe it, but going deeper wont help. You could cut without ANY form of hesitation or restriction, and it still won't make things better. All the problems remain when you've cleaned up and the skin has started to heal. The problems can't be affected by a tool.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
I am currently:
I'm kinda there right now myself. I just don't care anymore. I don't want to stop. I want and need it like herion or something. It's not healthy, I know, but I can sympathize, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.
Deep trouble, losing control. Primary resistance at a critical low.
On the double gotta get ahold. Point of no return one second to go. No response on any level. Red alert this vessel's under seige, total overload. System's down, they've got control.
There's no way out.
It feels crqazy to me i want it so so much, and the cuts i do, do aint right or aint enough. But i dont know what enough is or what there meant to look like is. I just know its not enough. Its like im craving it right now and when i do start there no stopping it just anywhere and everywhere i just start hacking at myself over and over and i dont care.
I do cover my cuts and and stuff and stuff so no one sees.
Last time i cut was wednesday, I text my friend saying i was crying and cutting and it was out of control and needed help. She called the police, police found me sitting on the floor crying and bleeding so they called a ambulance, i was taken to A&E. Sorted my cuts out, nurse called the crisis tea, saw doctor who patched me up, asked me if i was let go wound i do the samething i said yeah. so he called the crisis team again, called me back saying there see u tomorrow, but no one has.....................
Been feeling the same on and off since wednesday. I'm scared i give in the the craving and urge and end up there again in the same or worse way.
I know exactly how you feel, we probably all feel like that sometime. But think about it, does it really help, you just end up getting into that state over and over again. You will probably disregard many posts that will be put here because you wont want to fight it. But try, try so hard, try and fight it with everything you have. Cry as much as you can, scream, punch pillows. Try and exhaust yourself until you have nothing left in you to actually cut. Keep a diary. Write in it whenever you get the urge to, you can write it as if you're writing a letter to a friend or family member, whatever helps you.
I also agree with what "Rynn" has posted. I'm exactly the same around younger children, maybe children aren't your thing, but find something that is. Anything. Use that thought when you have an urge and try not to be on your own too much.
Do you have any friends that also self injure? It may seem an odd question but I have a reason. My best friend is also a self injurer and has helped alot. It started with a teacher, I felt like I was letting him down and i'd try and count the days that I didnt cut with him. Then my friend found out and now we have a kind of competition going. It helps me thinking of the look on her face when I go back to square one.
Anyway, i'm always here if you want to talk, that goes to anybody reading this. Just message me, i have facebook and MSN too if anyone wants to add me just message me.
