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Old 09-07-2007, 01:08 PM   #1
eidoj
 
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BMI/Numbers/Weight Triggers - Guilt?

Does the guilt ever go away, do you ever reach a point where you can eat without feeling bad about it, or is it always going to be there?

I am feeling ginormous at the moment, I know I have gained, but I can't bring myself to go near the scale because I know it will tip me over the edge. I've been trying so hard, I am so absolutely terrified of getting fatter again, but not terrified enough it would seem because it's been all or nothing. I feel like the only way I can control myself is to not at eat at all because when I do eat, I can't stop. I feel so guilty that I just think **** it, carry on eating fatty, this is how it's going to be and so I eat and eat and eat and I feel worse and worse and worse and it all starts over again. The worst thing is that I'm completely aware of what I'm doing, no illusions, I know and yet I continue to do it.

Now I'm so tired of it, everytime I think I'm done with it, finished, over it. It starts again, I start it again and I'm weary just so utterly fed up of this.

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Old 09-07-2007, 03:56 PM   #2
Superficial
Jess
 
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You will get through this, Your feelings can change at any time but you must want them to, otherwise you will keep going around in circles.

If you feel guilty when you eat; Have something healthy each time, Even if its salad.. Fruit... Cereal... Rice.. Pasta.
Which is all low in calories, Not that you should be worried bout calories when you are okay!

The trick is to just stay balanced, The more you starve and then eat again the more weight you will put on.
I starved myself for a good week, Started eating and i put the weight on because my body stored it.

You can stop this from happening by just eating healthy meals, Keep strong.

Jess



This hungry Feeling from the pit of my stomach. Makes me feel in control.

I will recover one day...

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Old 09-07-2007, 04:18 PM   #3
plastic rose
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Yes. It will go away. With time, and good therapy. Are you getting help with your ED thoughts? After all, ED's are often caused by underlying problems, which need sorting out if you are going to genuinely get better. Working on your self-esteem is important. It helps to put affirmations and things you like about yourself all over the place, stick them on your mirror!

You will get there. *hugs*



s a r a h
* pm me * eating disorders info *
"Between two worlds life hovers like a star,
twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge."
- Lord Byron


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Old 09-07-2007, 07:11 PM   #4
eidoj
 
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Thanks for replying

I don't see anybody about any of this as I am genuinely fat, I don't feel like I can be fat and have an ED (I know there's another thread on that somewhere)
With the guilt, it doesn't matter what I eat, whether it's "good" or "bad" the guilt is the same and that's the frustrating thing. I know that eventually it does stop, I was just having a moment earlier, I'm fine.

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Old 09-07-2007, 07:30 PM   #5
LyndseyB
 
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It's so frustrating when you're trying so hard to recover and the guilt just won't go away. It looks from the outside like things are getting better when in reality they're actually worse at first. You have to believe that this will pass with time, it will get easier.



*hugs*
Lyndsey x

I'm not afraid to fall,
It means I climbed up high.
To fall is not to fail,
You fail when you don't try.


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Old 09-07-2007, 07:53 PM   #6
Psiren
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Just keep fighting and the guilt will go away eventually.
The thoughts will probably be the last things to fade but they will leave eventually.
*cuddles*
Take care sweetheart.






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