Im new here and didnt really know where to put this but this seemed like the right place.
im 18 and have SI'd for about 2 years now. never really bad because im terrified of my family finding out. ive always been discrete, i always cut on the side of my wrist and theyre always small enough to hide easily, but i can never just stop at doing just one. it can be a few weeks before something triggers me again, usually when im down and depressed.
i suffer from depression (allthough not diagnosed) and it can get quite bad, and its so hard, no one really notices, but i suppose i always try to hide it. im depressed most of the time, and cant really remember when i was last really happy. i usually think its because im overweight and i dont really like myself but that cant just be it.
ive never told anyone about my depression or SI apart from my best friend, and that was only because i found out she SI'd too, although she only scratches she never cuts. its so hard because i dont really have anyone to talk to (thats how/why i found this place). Im terrified about telling a doctor because i wouldnt know what to say. but the main thing about the doctors is that i often think that i dont reall know why im so depressed or why i SI because i get on with my family, i havent been abused or anything like that, and amongst other things yes my mum and dad divorced when i was younger, i lived with my mum until i was 15 until she moved out to live with her now husband, and my dad moved back in to look after me and my sister, and yes i found that quite hard because ive always blamed myself, but i dont see that as being that bad...
...i guess thats why i cant go and tell a doctor, because they will probably see it the way i see it, that i dont really have a right to be depressed or SI because there are so many other people that have been through much worse. does anyone else feel like this or have done, and what do you reccomend.
sorry about the long rant, but thanks for listening. x
Hi, yer i feel the same, but the first step to getting help is always the hardest, well i though so. I'm sure your doctor wont judge you. Their there to try and help you, the best they can. Maybe you should consider talking to them about how you feel, even though it is hard, it can really help. Yer it was difficult for me at first, i guess you could say things got worse before they got better. But know i look back i'm glad that i took that first step to getting help, or i could be a lot worse now. Anyways i'm rambling now, so i best stop. Feel free to PM me anytime. Take care.
*There is always light at the end of the tunnel, even though we may not be able to see it.*
First of all, it doesnt mtter what has happened or what is happening to you, you DO have the right to be depressed. Depression is not only sadness because of what is going on in your life, but it IS a medical condition... chemical imbalances in your brain. Your brain is not producing as much of the "feel good" chemical as it should be.. which is why a lot of people do cut themselves... because the cutting does produce that chemical and makes you feel better... which also causes it to become addicting. And like any other addiction, you have to find better coping methods and distractions to make you feel better rather then the cutting. Anti-depressants might help.
(Sorry if that just sounded very booky!)
I know about your fear of going to the doctor, I was the same way. I was very scared of what they would ask or what they would think of me. It ended that I just told her that I was depressed, and she asked no questions... she prescribed me an AD and a few referalls to therapists. It also really helped that I wrote to her what was going on so i didnt have to say it out loud.. and I could give her the information I wanted to give her. Do you think you might be able to go to the doctors if your friend was there to make it easier for you?
Never feel like you arent worth of getting help, because you are.
Take Care of yourself, and PM me if you need anything =)
*hugs and cuddles*
PS - Check out the distractions link I have in my signature below.. and within that link there are ideas to the left. Also in the distractions forum, there is the big distractions page... there are a ton of great ideas in there to get you through the urges!
Hey hun... I totally know how you feel... I feel like I dont have a reason to be depressed... I have a scholarship, am an A student and a model for gods sake! I always feel that there are many people worse off than me and feel guilty for feelin this bad bout myself... Im sure absolutely none of that family stuff was your fault! You really dont need to blame yourself for it... These things just happen sometimes. I think you should go and see a doctor. They will never judge you and they are people that you can trust and talk to!x! Dont be afraid to go to them for help... Perhaps they can prescribe something for your depression? Are you seeing a psychiatrist at the moment? I think that would be a good idea too... If you feel that you have to SI you should try to get some help... I often feel that I have no one to talk to but remember that were all here for you at RYL! Sorry Im not too good wit the owl advice! Keep posting whenever you need to talk.
Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to!
i think a big part of it is not knowing what to say and how to start the conversation. no, im not seeing a psychiatrist although ive always thought it would be a good idea, but its the same feelings with the doctor, and i really dont want anyone to find out. im glad its not just me who feels like this. thank you so much everyone, thanks for being so supportive. xxx
Twud be a good idea to talk to a doctor as they will not tell anyone if ya don't want them to... Ummm. Sorry but I wouldnt really know how to start the conversation... Just explain to them exactly how you feel, why you feel you need to SI, explain that you dont really want anyone to know and see what they can do for u! Theyre there to help you... If you do decide to go to a psychiatrist or doctor let us know how you get on hun!
Take care. x