Graphic - relapsing on SI, feel stupid and guilty.**trigger for SI
I cut regularly all through high school and it became an everyday thing and always on my mind. senior year i got a lot better and was clean in college for almost three years (except for putting scissors or something to my skin but not really cutting) up until the other day. I think about it and have urges all the time, but up until recently have always been able to distract from the urges and remind myself the feeling/urge will pass. the other day i was really upset as a lot is different in my life, im basically by myself in a foreign country and i felt very sad and alone. i didn't want to bother the people i might normally go to when feeling this way because i didn't want to burden them. i wasn't able to distract myself away from the urge and gave into it. i was surprised how easily i got back into it, but felt disappointed in myself and guilty. i wanted to tell someone close to me about it but didn't want to disappoint or upset them. i don't want to be in that place again. i don't want to act on that urge again. do i just move on and try to fight the urge better next time? Do i go through the whole process of resetting my tracking app to day 1? i kind of just want to move past it but also don't want to act like it didn't happen because i feel dark that it did happen.