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Old 24-08-2016, 01:04 PM   #1
Epicene
 
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Contains sexual abuse - Telling Parents

Either this week or next, I am going to be telling my parents that I was abused as a child. I don't think they know, though they might. I'm going to do it by email and tell them in not ready to talk about it in detail yet but I'm terrified. I don't want them to feel guilty or to judge me or for our relationship to change. Any experiences from others would be great, and some support whilst I'm going through this difficult period would also be helpful.

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Old 24-08-2016, 03:00 PM   #2
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This is a very brave thing for you to do, and I understand how hard it is.
My parents and I are close and always have been, but I also had the worries and fears about their reactions.

Technically, the first time I told them was when I was inpatient and 18 years old - just told them the barest of basics over the phone.
When it became necessary to tell them more of the who and the what, it was a couple of years later. I wrote a note and put it on top of my mother's purse, asking her not to read it until I was gone for the day. Then I received an email from her saying she would respect any space I needed and that she and Dad would follow my lead when I got back home. Of course, they had to grapple with their own emotions when it came to this, which I knew, and some family therapy sessions helped. The day I wrote the letter, I had therapy, so I knew I'd be able to process it there.

I hope your parents react well and respect your wishes to not go into detail.
Keep talking to us here while you go through this difficult time, we're here for you.

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Old 28-08-2016, 04:28 PM   #3
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Thank you so much for your response.

I emailed my parents and got back a very respectful and understanding reply. They said it was up to me however much I wanted to disclose but made it clear that they believed me which was very validating. I haven't yet spoken to them on the phone but certainly as far as emailing goes, its been okay.

The main thing I'm struggling with is that it is bringing back a lot of old memories and making things feel more real. Its like now I've told them I cant be in denial at all anymore. Any tips on how to cope with this would be great.

Thanks x

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Old 29-08-2016, 12:57 AM   #4
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I am so glad to hear they reacting in a respectful and validating manner!

Do you have professional support during this to help with the feelings brought on by your parents knowing? For me, it was like an adjustment and anticipation of "Oh, right, they know now..." and it almost felt like trying to get used to living in all new skin, if that makes sense.

It's completely understandable that the disclosure would stir up a lot of old thoughts, memories, and feelings, as well as leave you with a set of new "realness".

Sorry that I'm not making much sense.

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